You're Not In This Alone

I sit in shock for a few minutes before I open my mouth to say "So you want me to move across the country?" "Baby I know things are hard right now but this is a great opportunity for me, for us and...." I feel my breath start to get choppy and uneven as I think about moving away. "I can't.....my dad's I can't....." Ryan's hands come up to cup my face as he says "Shhh baby breathe. I love you and I would never ever force you away from your dad's but will you just think about it? I still have some time before they want an answer so please just think about it?" I nod as I try to calm down and Ryan slides one hand up to stroke through my hair. After I've calmed down Ryan lays me back down, cuddling me into his side and he starts to softly sing, trying to lull me to sleep but my mind is racing and after a few minutes I sit up, sliding over to climb out of the bed. "I'll be right back" I say softly as I make my way out the door and I wander down the dark hallway, stopping outside the other bedroom door and knocking softly. "Come in" I hear pa call out and when I walk into the room I see dad and pa laying in bed facing each other, the room dimly lit by a lamp on the bedside table. "You alright baby girl?" Dad asks as he turns his head to look over at me and I shake my head and push the door closed as I cross the room to the bed, climbing inbetween them and pa helps me settle under the covers with them. "What's up baby?" He asks softly as he strokes my hair back and I bite my bottom lip for a second before saying "Ry wants us to move to LA." Pa's hand freezes and dad says "What?" "He got offered a job when he was in LA with the gallery and...." "Really? That's a huge deal Rubes." "I know but that means we would be moving to LA and I don't know if I can go. I'm not ready to...I can't...." "Baby girl it's alright" dad says as he pulls me into his chest. "I know it seems scary moving away but there's planes and telephones and the internet, we can still see each other all the time. Don't let us stop you from going baby girl, we'll miss you like crazy but you need to live your life and maybe your life is in LA." I nod and roll onto my side facing him, reaching out and tracing my finger along the tattoos on his upper arm like I used to when I was little and pa slides over and wraps his arms around my waist, spooning up behind me and I let out a soft sigh, feeling relieved being in their arms as I let out a few silent tears.

After I go back to bed Ryan rolls over to face me, pulling me against his side and burying his face in my neck. "Mmm baby where'd you go?" "Just needed to talk to dad and pa." "I love you and this decision is yours babe, just remember that. I won't force you to do anything." I nod and let my eyes slip closed snuggling closer to Ryan and letting myself fall asleep. The next morning we go back to our own apartment and in the afternoon Ryan goes to his studio to work for a while and I decide to take Sophie for a walk when she wakes up from her nap. As I step out of the apartment pushing Sophie's pram the door down the hall opens and Bert steps out. "Hey guys" he says cheerily as he walks towards us and I offer him a weak smile while Sophie lets out a small squeal. "Haven't seen you around recently, are you guys leaving or something?" I shake my head before saying "Nah just been staying with my dad's for a bit." Bert looks up from Sophie to stare at my face and I start to feel uncomfortable and say "What?" "Is everything alright? I know I'm not the first person you would want to turn to but I'm a really good listener, even Gerard will tell you that." I shake my head again, biting down on my bottom lip to stop it trembling and Bert frowns before stepping around the pram and offering me a hug. I step into his arms and as they wrap around me a little out a small whimper which turns into a sob and Bert's hands start gently rubbing up and down my back. "How about you come in for a minute and I'll make you something to drink?" I nod and follow him into his apartment, Bert pushing Sophie in and while he's in the kitchen I take her from her pram and lay her on the floor with her teddy bear. Bert comes back a minute later with some iced tea and sits beside me, asking what's on my mind and I can't help myself, telling him all about the miscarriage and moving to LA and when I finish he slides his arm around my waist and pulls me into his side. "I'm so sorry sweetheart, I can't even imagine how horrible that must be." I sniffle a few times before saying "I just....I shut myself off from everyone and I feel like maybe Ryan resents me a little for dumping him with Sophie and I know he says LA is my choice but I feel like my only choice is to say yes." "Do you want to say yes?" "Honestly, no I don't. I don't want to leave New York, I've lived here my whole life, the only family I have ever known is here and in Jersey and I don't want to leave that. I'm eighteen years old and I know I'm meant to want to be far away from my parents but even the thought of being away from my dad's terrifies me but then I think maybe it's best for them too if I go so they can finally have their own lives again without me interfering. I know if I said no Ryan would be crushed and I don't know what that would mean for us." "Ruby ultimately you need to make the decision that's right for you. If Ryan really loves you he won't mind giving up LA to stay here with you and as for your dad's, they love you to death and I know that from seeing it first hand when you were little. Gerard loves you more than I've ever known anyone to love another person, he was going to willingly give his own life just to keep you safe and Frank was prepared to kill for you. That kind of love never goes away and I know neither of them would ever want you to be out of their lives, they live for you Ruby. So you need to do this for you and no one else." I nod, taking a small sip of my drink when the front door opens and my mother walks in. "Oh hi" she says, sounding surprised but her face breaks into a massive grin when she sees Sophie. "Hi" I say back softly, taking a deep calming breath and she continues staring at Sophie as she says "Can I?" "Yeah sure" I say as she kneels down and picks up Sophie, cuddling her against her chest and Sophie stares at her for a long second before letting out a small giggle and reaching out for her face. "She's hair pulling, I'm trying to break the habit but...." "It's alright" my mom assures me as Sophie's hand closes around a chunk of her hair and I smile softly as she pulls on it. "Thanks for the talk" I tell Bert softly after a few minutes and Bert smiles reassuringly at me and says "Any time Ruby."

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