You're Not In This Alone

The next day Ryan leaves to go to LA for a meeting with a gallery and Sophie and I go over to dad and pa's where we will be staying for four days until Ryan comes back. The first two days pass slowly and I sleep a lot, constantly feeling unwell and dad and pa take care of Sophie while I sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night with terrible stabbing pains in my side and lower back and my stomach is churning. I slowly drag myself out of bed, wincing in pain as the movement causes the pain in my side and lower back to flair up but as I get to my feet I feel like my pants are damp and sticking to my inner thighs and I sigh, wondering if I've wet the bed and I reach out to flick on the lamp, immediately wishing I hadn't. My light blue coloured pants are a dull reddish brown now and when I look down to the bed I see the sheets are stained the same and I feel myself start to panic, the vomit rising in my throat and before I know what's happening I collapse to my knees, vomiting on the floor as I scream out for dad and pa, waking Sophie who is sleep in her crib in the corner. Sophie starts to cry and I try to drag myself across the floor towards her, my whole body shaking and I feel too weak to get up and I make it half way across the floor when dad runs into the room and when he sees the vomit and the blood he rushes over and kneels down beside me. "Ruby baby talk to me, what's going on?" "Sophie" I cry out and dad cups my face in his hands as he says "It's alright baby girl pa's got her" and Pa enters the room, freezing momentarily to take in what's happening before dad says "Babe get Sophie" and pa snaps back into action, rushing over and scooping her up, cuddling her to his chest and she quietens down again. "Baby girl we need to get you up" dad says and he wraps his arm around my waist, slowly pulling me up and when I'm on my feet he keeps his arm there, supporting my weight as my legs feel like jelly. "Come on baby girl, we'll get you cleaned up and I'll take you to the hospital."

By the time dad gets me to the emergency room I am on the verge of a full blown anxiety attack and everything just passes by me in a blur, my whole body feeling like it's shutting down while my heart races so hard I feel like it's going to explode. Dad does all the talking to the nurse at the front desk, explaining what happened and about my pregnancy and she looks at me with pity written all over her face and she takes us to an exam room where a doctor comes in to perform an ultrasound and run a few tests and before he even opens his mouth I know what he's going to say and I break down into hysteric sobs, my whole body shaking with them and I can't breathe, the small amount of air I manage I gasp in doing nothing to relieve the burning in my lungs. The doctor talks with dad for a moment, their conversation of no interest to me while I feel my heart shattering and once the doctor leaves the room dad sits on the edge of the bed and pulls me into his arms. "Baby girl I'm so so sorry" he says but it does nothing to ease the crippling pain I feel radiating throughout my entire body as I continue to sob.

Notes