You're Not In This Alone

Ryan sits across from me and just as I open my mouth the waitress comes around and we order drinks before she leaves again. We sit in silence for another minute, staring each other down before Ryan says "So?" "Ry, I'm sorry for yesterday. The last few days I've been....so fucking confused and it hurts so badly all the time I needed an escape and..." "It's ok, I'm sorry I took advantage of you." "Ryan I love you and you fucking destroyed me but I still love you and I've never felt so hurt in my whole life." "Ruby I love you too and you have no idea how terrifying it was seeing you on that bathroom floor and knowing I did that to you. I'm sorry I cheated on you, I was just.....confused and I gave in to the pressure she was putting on me and I finally see how fucking truly terrible a person she is." We sit in silence and our drinks show up, both of us taking a sip before Ryan sits his milkshake down and slides his hand across the table to gently run his fingers down the back of my hand. "Ruby, can I get another chance with you? I know I don't deserve it but I'll do whatever it takes." I remove my hand from my coffee cup and slide my fingers through his as I say "Yes." Ryan smiles wide as he gets up and comes around to slide into the booth next to me, his hand coming up to cup my cheek as his other slides around my waist and he presses his lips to mine. I kiss back, the kiss just a soft pressing of lips and with every second it lasts I feel the tight knot of pain in my chest loosen. When we pull apart Ryan pulls back only enough to separate our mouths, his forehead resting against mine as he stares into my eyes. "I love you Ruby" he whispers to me and I smile softly as I say "I love you too, please don't hurt me again." "Never baby." We pull apart and pa comes back over to the table, sitting opposite us and he stares down Ryan as he says "You hurt Ruby again, I know the number of a good hitman" and I feel my breath hitch in my throat as I know it's not the joke he's trying to make it. I shoot him a look and he ignores me, still focused on Ryan.

A week later dad and pa have given up making things awkward and Ryan is staying the night. I make it clear I don't want to intimate with him again yet so we're laying in bed cuddling and watching a movie when the unsettled feeling in my stomach becomes too much and I jump out of bed and run to the bathroom, finding the door locked so I run towards the kitchen but I don't make it, throwing up all over the floor in the hallway. I feel Ryan's warm hands wrap around my waist as dad steps out of the living room and rushes over, avoiding the vomit puddle as he and Ryan help me to the kitchen and when I make it to the sink I vomit again and again until my stomach clenches painfully and nothing else comes up. "Rubes?" Dad asks and I groan out, turning the tap on and rinsing my mouth out and rinsing out the sink. "I'll clean..." "No I got it baby girl" he tells me and he and Ryan help me back to bed. My nausea fades and I fall asleep in Ryan's arms and the next morning I wake up feeling queasy again. After I throw up again Ryan suggests I let him take me to a doctor and I grumble and refuse but dad and pa tell me I should go. I finally agree and let him take me, sitting in the waiting room for forty minutes before the doctor finally calls me in. I go into the office and tell the doctor my symptoms and he asks me "Are you sexually active?" I blush as I drop my head and say "Yeah." "Miss Way please take this cup and I need a urine sample. The bathroom is just down the hall." I slowly drag myself down the hall going into the bathroom and bracing my hands against the sink, staring at myself in the mirror. I try to calm myself down but it doesn't help so I take a deep breath and get it over with, peeing into the cup and putting the lid back on, washing my hands before leaving the room and going back to the office. The doctor pulls on gloves and fiddles around while I stare blankly ahead, knowing what he's testing for and feeling terrified. "Well Miss Way, congratulations, you're pregnant" the doctor says and I feel the room fade away, everything going blank for a few long seconds before it all rushes back to me and I let out a small strangled whine. "Are you alright Ruby?" He asks and I attempt a nod. The doctor organises for me to come back in a month and gives me some information leaflets and I stumble my way through the rest of the appointment, feeling completely detatched from my body. I walk back into the waiting room and over to Ryan and he says "Are you ok baby?" I thrust the information sheets into his chest before walking out the door, suddenly feeling claustrophobic in the large waiting room and when I step outside it's raining. I walk into the street and tip my head back letting the rain wash away the tears that are falling from my eyes and a few seconds later I am soaked, my clothes sticking to me and my hair dripping down my back and Ryan rushes over to me and wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me back under an awning and out of the rain. "Baby" he says softly as he cups my face and I turn my gaze up to meet his, tears still streaming down my face. "It'll be ok Ruby, I promise."

Notes