I'm a sinner for love

***
----
When i step outside to wait for Gerard he's already there in the front.
as i get closer he looks like he was just finished crying, bloodshot eyes and eyeliner smeared down his face.
He lets out a weak 'hey'
"Hey uh you alright?" I ask
Gerard sighs
"Yup, shall we go?" He said walking in front and towards my house
"I- uh okay"

When we finally approach my house he looks at me
but its one of those looks where you cant stop staring.
Like the sun is shining perfectly on his pale face causing his hazel eyes to glimmer
and his jetblack hair to glow, the little smirk growing on his face makes everything around him go into a blur. Im not quite sure where im going with this but he just looks so ... so beautiful.
"Earth to Frank" Gerard laughs
"Oh hi" I whisper trying not to blush as i turn to open up the front door.
Gerard and I both step in and head down to my room.
"Ready to get baked?" I ask taking out my pipe
"Hell yeah,"

Soon our eyes were bloodshot and i was tripping out like crazy
"Why am i tripping out so much" I panic
"Relax Frankie" Gerard says nudging me with his foot
his touch gives me butterflies in my stomach, tho i flinch away.
I better not be falling in love with him.
"You kids hungry?!" My mom yells
"Heck yeah mrs.iero" Gerard yells back
"I was gonna answer" I said
"You stutter to much when your high" he said smiling
"Okay whatever"

Mom came down and gave us both bowls of kraft dinner
"Come up if you guys want more okay?"
we both nodded while stuffing our mouths.
"I missed this" Gerard whispers
"Missed what?"
"Chilling with you like were 15 again" "Considering youve been hanging out with that chick ive been feeling pretty down lately, i tried to keep the sadness from pouring out but how can i when my bestfriend chooses to ignore me?" He adds, tears welling up in his eyes.
Maybe thats why he was crying after school, I quickly crawl over to him and open my arms for a hug. He accepts and crashes into my chest grabbing fist fulls of my shirt just sobbing.
"Dont cry, im sorry" I tell him squeezing him tighter
When his sobs come to a halt he pushes me away and mouths a 'thank you' before falling onto my bed
"Youre welcome, Madisons a bitch" I say
"Why the hell do you still hang out with her then?"
"I-I dont know"
"Dont lie to me Iero" He spits out while playing on his phone
Well that escalated quickly.
I take out my phone and ring up madisons phone number
"I'll just be a minute Gerard" I walk out of the room and press call
"Hey baby" She answers
"I Cant"
"Cant what?"
"Im sorry i just think we should yknow.. i-i uh gerard and i just"I stammer not knowing how to end this
"dont tell me your fucking gay"
My breathing stops
"n-no"
All i heard from the other line was her hanging up.
I walk back into the room and Gerard is sleeping happily under my starwars covers
I choke out a laugh and he stirs.
It doesnt take long until i sneak upstairs to get more food
"Hey honey, Make sure the cat doesnt get outside again, almost lost her yesterday. You forgot to close your damn window" Mom says
"Oh yea h sorry, speaking of which where is she?"
She points to the living room
I spot the cat and pick her up bringing her downstairs.
Gerard's still asleep. Yes.
The cat hisses when i throw her ontop of gee
"What the fuck" Gerard yells squirming away from the cat and onto the floor
im just sitting there laughing until he throws a pillow at my face
"Frank you bitch" Gerard yells getting up and tackling me pinning me to the ground
My hands are stuck in his grip but my legs arent so i kick him right in the groin
He clutches his crotch and falls to the side of me
I laugh.
"Your such an idiot" He chokes out

----
"See you tomorrow Faggot" Gerard says while climbing out my window
"Wait!"
His head snaps back and faces me
"What?"
I quickly grab a small bag of pot and hand it to him
"Actually?!" His eyes lit up
"Yeah, take it. See you tomorrow" I smile
He smiles back showing off his yellow baby teeth as he walks away from my house
"Thanks Frank!" He yells before crossing the street
I nod.

***
Mikey's waiting for me in the porch wen i enter the house
"You smell bad. I dont like the smell of pot go have a shower"
"No im good" I say in a sassy tone as i push past him
"Gerard! im having company over soon"
"How nice, Tell them i say hi!" I say smiling while going into my room
He lets out an angry sigh.

The thought of remebering Frank crying in the hall today sends panic and worry into my body.
Why.
I grab my phone and dial Franks number pressing call right away.
It rings for a minute and then finally he picks up
"Yo"
"So wait, why were you crying today?"
It goes silent
"Frank??"
"Oh yeah hi"
I sigh
"Can you please tell me? Dont you trust me?"
"I cant."
My heart cracks slightly, We used to always tell each other shit and talk it through but this. I knew the drama wasnt finished yet
"Are we even friends anymore?"
He gasps
"YEAH, I just gave you my pot and .. stop over exaggerating Gerard"
"I care about you, please share? I dont like seeing you in pain"
"I-I Dont-"
"Dont what?"
"I dont want to lose you! My heart beats for you Gerard not MAddison not anyone else just you and if you ever so happen step out of my life i mind as well fucking die.Your my best fucking friend and i love you" Frank yells
My heart skips a beat and i feel myself flutter.
"Frank" Is all i can say before he hangs up.
I clench the phone against my heart.
Wait no. He's not gay and he probably means another way not the way im thinking.
Youre wrong Gerard. He's your bestfriend. He doesnt love you in that way. How could he?

Rage builds up inside of me, I grab a pillow and scream into it. Thats not enough so i reapetly punch the cement walls until my knuckles are dripping blood
"Mikey!" I scream out sinking to the floor crying
He comes rushing downstairs
"What is i- Oh Gerard" He says walking over to me sobbing and shaking
"What happened?" He says looking at my hands
"Frank" I cry into my knees
"Did he hurt you? Whatd he do?"
I shake my head and Mikey's face drops into a panicked look
"I dont know whats happening to me Mikes.. Its fucking wrong.. Im such a disgrace" I sob
He leaves the room. Leaving me to sob on the ground.

I look at the time and its already 3:00am and i haven't stopped crying.
Damn you heart. Why'd you have to ruin our friendship.

***
"Frank!!" My mom yells
I jerk awake and check the time
3:00am?? Why the fuck.
"Its only 3 what do you want?!" I scream at her
"Gerard's brother is on the phone its really important he says"
Mikey? Since when did he ever want to talk to me?
I run upstairs trying not to fall from my lazy state and i grab the phone going back to my room
"Hello?"
"Frank, Its Mikey. I need to talk to you"
"I know. Whats the matter?"
"Its about Gerard, a few hours ago he was screaming and crying, bloody knuckles and everything. I tried asking him what was wrong but all he said was your name. Nothing else"
I couldnt imagine Gerard crying because of me. Whatd i do?
Even though i had no clue what i did for him to be in pain, i felt guilty.
"I have no idea what i did" I whimper
"Hey Frank its okay, Ill try again tomorrow. Just watch out for him tomorrow okay?"
I nod but then realizing he couldnt see me
"Of course, Thanks for the call."
"Alright bye"

Notes

My brain just,