I'm a sinner for love

***
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I get to school earlier than planned, quickly steadying my pace so i dont fall from being so tired.
When i get to my locker, i get all the supplies i need for my first class.
The bell rings and students rush in from the main entrance.
Fucking great.
My hands grip tightly around the textbooks causing the scabs on my knuckles to split open and bleed.
Crossing my fingers hoping i dont see Frank while im emotionally unstable as i strud through the crowded hall.
Im so close to the class door until someone yells my name. I dont turn around, all i do is blink and sigh.
"Hey Gerard!" Frank says behind me probably expecting me to look. Instead i freeze, tears starting to form.
Frank walks in front of me and stares into my watery eyes
before he can open his mouth again i shake my head pushing him away and walking into my class
"Gerard?" He grabs my shoulder from behind and i flinch it away, trying to hint at him that theres no use in even trying.
His grip loosens and disappears as he sighs while all the people from the hallway pile into the room.

I feel kinda bad for not talking and ignoring him.
But i cant, i just cant. If i get to attached it'll just hurt me more.
Rejection is one of my biggest fears.

"Gerard im talking to you!" The teacher snaps
I look up at her, realizing tears are streaming down my face.
"Look! The tough guy is crying! You look like a fucking clown" One of the immature kids scream.
Im usually strong but at this state i just get up and leave the class. Why cant people just leave it alone.
I walk out, head down, my eyes watching every step i take as i see a tear dropping off my face and onto the floor.
Its all quiet and relaxing till i spot another pair of feet appear in my vision, I look up quickly and see Frank looking at me worried. I gasp, Turning around and storming away from him.
I have to get away, my brain is screaming at me to turn back and pour my feelings but my legs keep moving and theres no stoppin now. Its not long until i hear stomping and tired breaths behind me.
An idea pops into my head and i stop running. Frank bumps into me and falls, scrambling to his feet.
I turn around and stare directly into his eyes
"Dont fucking follow me" I say sternly
His eyes grow wide and he backs away slowly but then hesitantly walks back in front of me
"Ge-Gerard i got a phone call from your brother"
I stop the tears and let anger grow inside of me
"Thats nice" I say turning back around to leave again.
Frank moves behind me again, catching up
"This is your last warning" I say quickening my pace
He doesnt listen.
I stop again to turn around
"Why Frank, why arent you listening to me?"
"Because you cant hurt me, I'll win Gerard, we need to talk"
Oh please,
I swing my fist at his face,
Direct hit into the jaw. I hear a slight crack and Frank grips is face whimpering
"G-Gerar-"
I push him into the lockers.
"Fucking stop Frank" I yell slamming my fist into his stomach
He yells out in pain and slides down on his knees.
"Thats what i thought" I say punching the lockers and walking away from the problem I caused.

***
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"Mom im fine"
"But you look horrible baby, Who did this to you?" My mom pleads
I grunt
"fucking no one" I sigh falling back into bed
"You sure your fine? I can get you some water?"
"Mom"
"Alright alright, Goodnight sweetie love you" Mom says shutting off the light and leaving.

I turn onto my side and letting my emotions take over
"Why?" I whisper to myself as the tears fall onto the pillow.
Soon my pillow is soaking wet with my tears and i drift off to sleep sobbing.

"Im so sorry Frank" Gerard says while tying the brick to his ankle
"No dont. Please!" I yell grabbing him
"Frankie. Im just another problem in your life. You dont need me anymore"
Wheres all this nonsense coming from. He cant leave me, No. not yet.
I look back up at him but hes not there. He's gone, Sinking into the depths of the lake.
I instinctively jump in after him but he's down to deep.

"Gerard!!" I wake up sobbing
Mom rushes down and holds me against her telling me to calm down and reminding me that it was just a dream.
I shake my head
"I need to go see him!" I yell trying to squirm away from your grip
"Hun its only 8am, You still have 3 hours to go"
I Scream until she lets go and i open my window to climb through.
Once im out i run towards Gerard's house.
And of course its raining.
I give a quick three knocks on his door.
No reply.
I slide down soaking wet sobbing.
Mikey answers shortly, kneeling down asking if im okay
I shake me head until he picks me up and places me on the couch inside.
"Frank you seriously need to calm down" He says placing a glass of water beside me
"Wheres Gerard"I choke out
"He's sleeping" Mikey whispers
"A-Are you sure?!" I whisper back
"Yes oh my god"
"Why cant i go see him then? Are you hiding something? Did he die? No Mikey i- i have to see him. I need him he- i" I start to hyperventilate
"Jesus christ" He says under his breath
I get up but fall back down hard on the floor making a loud thud
"He cant leave me!" I scream
Mikey holds up one finger gesturing me to 'shh' but i just let out choked sobs
"Mikey who the fuck is he- Oh" Gerard comes upstairs
"wh-Why is he here?" Gerard asks Mikey
"He's freaking out, He kept asking if you were okay and shit" He whispers
I gasp
"Mikey? Is Gerard really here, or am i just hallucinating?" I sob reaching out
Gerard looks at Mikey with a 'what the fuck' look and walks over
Mikey touches his shoulder
"I got this mikes"
"Good luck then." Mikey walks out of the room.

"Frank, are you doing okay?" Gerard whispers
I sob latching on to him
"I should probably inform you i had a bad dream..well atleast i think it was" I cry
He rubs my back
"What was it about?"
"You tied a brick to your ankle and jumped into a lake.. I tried getting you but you had already gone to deep" I sob
He sighs and stares down at me.
"Im sorry" Gerard says inching his face closer to my face
"f-for what?"
"Beating you yesterday, you really didnt deserve that"
I let myself think.
But completely ignoring his apology. Im so dangerously close to gerard's face
My love for him is overpowering my body and i start leaning closer.
Our noses are touching now and my phone rings
I smile. Happy that it didnt lead to anything to awkward and i answer the phone.

Notes

Stupid phone right? Anywho
let me know what you think:))