I'm a sinner for love

***
----

"So ill see you at lunch?" Madison said winking at me
I winked back and nodded.

She was the hottest girl in school, blonde hair, brown eyes and huge boobs. Perfect.
Madison hugged me before leaving to her next class.
"Frank hurry the fuck up!" I heard Gerard yell outside the class
I smiled and let go of the girl
"See yah later!" I said then walking out of the room
"Ouu you and Madison going to get it on tonight?" Gerard laughed
I pushed him into the lockers
"Fuck you" I smiled
"Well i have a date of my own,"
"Really? who?" I was shocked, not because he was ugly but he hasnt had one forever
"Kaylee" he smiled
"Oh that bitch?" I said
Gerard's smile dropped and his eyebrows narrowed
I held my hands up in front of me
"Ok ok sorry" I whispered
He laughed and opened up his locker, 3 bags filled with powder fell from the top
"Uh Gerard?" I looked down and picked up the bags
Is this fucking cocaine?
Gerard grabbed them out of my hand and stuffed them back into his locker,
"Its nothing" He stuttered looking at the ground
"Youre so stupid, that'll fuck you up" I said touching his shoulder
He just grunted
"Look at me Gerard"
His eyes trailed up and stared
"Im already fucked up Frank" He said laughing quietly
"Yeah were both a little fucked up but not as fucked as that stuff will make you, no more. Im not letting my best friend get addicted to this shit!" I was getting angrier each second
"But-"
"Gerard!"
"Fine"

***
----
"So where we gonna do this babe?" Kaylee asked
I handed her the coke
"Dont you want any hun?" she said softly handing me some
I shook my head
"You okay? Just a little c'mon itll be fun!"
A few minutes later Kaylee and I were running up and down train tracks screaming
"See i told you" She smiled taking my hand and leaning forward sealing our lips together.
Making out in the middle of the tracks at midnight wasn't the best idea. because about 20 minutes later i heard a loud horn, I panicked cause i couldnt think straight
When i started to think clearly Kaylee was yelling at me pulling my arm
"Move! Hurry up Gee!" She screamed crying
I stared across from me and the train was coming closer and closer until i blacked out.

I woke up to my phone buzzing,
"Hey?" I answered with barely anything coming out
"Gerard!! Where the fuck are you? Kaylee called and said you disappeared after almost getting hit by a train" He sounded slightly worried
I looked around before answering, I was in what looked like an abondon house of some sort. Smashed windows, Dark and smelled like rotting bodies.
"I uh .. i dont know.. i uh blacked out right before the train came close enough" I said
"You mean you dont remember what happened?"
"No i thought i was dead to be honest"
"Did you ..yknow"
I sighed into the speaker
"I did it for Kaylee"
Frank let out an angry huff
"Fuck, Gerard i knew i shouldnt of trusted you"
I hung up. Couldnt take it and ran out of the house.


"Gerard!" Mikey yelled slapping me in the face
"Mikey??" I said grabbing my face in pain
"Are you out of your fucking mind?! smoking crack and running off?! I thought you got killed" He yells while latching onto me hugging me tight
I hugged back
"Im sorry i didnt know that it would affect me that much"
"Thats right you didnt, And if you didnt know why on earth did yo- Ugh Gerard" He sighed walking upstairs.

----

"Bro get up!" Mikey says handing me a glass of water
"Im up im up!" I say rubbing my eyes
"Okay, good. I have to get to school early, but there's more water upstairs, Okay? There's soup in the fridge, just heat it up, and some of that nice bread you like. I'll see you tonight, okay?"

"Im not a fucking child mikey, Im older than you!!" I yell
He jumps back
"I just c-care about you.. Dont want you almost getting killed again"
I instantly feel bad and nod, trying to crack my face into smiling. Im just so fucking tired. Right before he leaves, I remember. "Mikey! Do you know where my phone is?"
he laughs and shakes his head at me, then takes it out of his pants pocket. "You have no messages. Here, I'll leave it –" he sets it down next to the lamp and finally leaves after a pause at the door.

After I check the inbox twice, I try to shake a weird sense of disappointment, as I hear Mikey's car pull out of the driveway.
I debate for a while if i should go to school or not. I decide i should just fall asleep again considering the incident last night.

*
I'm completely disoriented when I wake up again, starving and muddle-headed. A quick glance at the clock tells me it's two already, which means Frank has probably texted me a million times about his loathing of gym class or whatever. I didn't warn him I'd be out, and I feel kind of dickish about it, but. What could I possibly say that wouldn't make me sound like an idiot with stupid excuses?
I make himself get up, even though every move hurts like im moving through fire, and after I shake down my morning wood, I end up peeing for a million years. I catch sight of myself in the mirror while washing my hands. Pale and bruised eyes. I flick the light off and i head into the kitchen to rummage for that soup Mikey had mentioned.

After the soup i go back to bed, unable to stand the day fucked up. Like Frank said.
Man i ..what if Frank just leaves cause of that.. We had problems before but maybe i hurt him?! Id never thought this day would come. Perfect besties just split up after one mistake..

----
I dont even run into Frank in the halls the next morning. In the last week, I would have been hard-pressed not to see Frank at least slouching to class between periods by this point. Which means Frank is taking different routes to class.

Which means he's actively working on avoiding me.

Which means I was fucking right in the first place, and I was never going to be able to hang onto any friends for the fucking life of me. I am a fucking moron.
I stomp my way to my locker when i notice Frank is slouched against it, earphones in and staring at his phone. I shake all over, but before i can run away and go sulk in a corner Frank spots me and smiles nervously. I immediately get caught in a panicked loop for about half a minute where I just think things like "shit!" and "dammit!" and then Im right in front of Frank again, unable to even open my mouth.
"Gerard, you alright?" He says
"Listen im sorry, Please just.. dont hate me, I dont want to lose such a great friend like you" I whisper shifting left to right
"I dont hate you? I could never hate you honestly, your hard to be mad at cause i always have cool stuff to share with you like hey i fucked Maddie's brains out yesterday or-"
I laugh before he could finish raising my hand up for a high five, He accepts and slaps my hand.
"Dude youre great" I laugh
"I know" He laughs back giving me a hug

Notes

So like uh