I'm a sinner for love

***
I was staring at the empty chair across the kitchen table, Frank never leaving my thoughts.
Dammit why did i have to let those words slip? I mean im fucked too yknow? I grew up with him therefor we spent our shitty days together. And worked through them. Yeah sometimes Frank would end up crying so would i but its not like we judged each other right?
I bet im taking this to seriously, Hes fine. He can handle this like itll be fine tomorrow right?
The best thing to do is not to worry about it to much or else itll eat you alive. Its overwhelming.
Taking my own advice i got up and made some coffee, Sitting back down more relaxed this time knowing that kid is okay.
"Haha oh shit" Mikey laughed from in the living room,
"What?"
"Wait shit.." He sounded more panicked now
I placed my coffee on the table and asked him again what the matter was
"Yo-your .."
"My what Mike?"
"If you really care about your boyfriend i suggest you come out here" Mikey said
I walked into the living room staring at the tv seeing what the commotion was.
It was set on the news channel and the woman was just finished talking until Frank's name showed up on the screen
'Breaking news, last night 19 year old Frank was brought to the hospital from getting beat by his own Father.'
I felt my hands shake.
"Fuck" I whispered not taking my eyes off the screen
'Yeah it was terrible, Poor little Frankie got 20 stitches in total. Doctors say that hes very lucky, he lost so much blood when they found him, His heart stopped for a whole hour but with a bit of luck they got him back. Back to you jim'
I collapse on the rug and started bawling.
Mikey came to my side right away rubbing my back.
"Hey it wasnt your fault ok"
"No Mikey it was, i probably got him so upset he did something stupid and got his dad mad or something"
Mikey got me to my feet and dragged me into the car
"Im bringing you to go see Frank because youll just rip yourself apart here"
I nodded
_____________
When we were driving i stared out the window emotionless until something caught my eye
"Mikey stop"
My little brother looked at me confused but then stopped.
I jumped out of the car and stood in front the stone building beside the park.
'the kid is fucked' was sprayed in big letters
'youre not any better' was over it
I covered my mouth running back to the car.
"I fucked up lets roll"
-
-
When we arrived Mikey asked where to go and the nice nurse lady took us to the room.
Frank was strapped to a bed. It broke my heart seeing him like this. His head and chest was stitched up like a rag doll. I went over to him and touched his forehead. Dried up blood chipped off and i gasped when he flinched slightly.
"Ger" Frank muffled eyes still shut tight
"Yes" I whispered
Suddenly the nurse came in and sat beside Frank
"Ge-ger" Frank quietly said again
"Ah dont worry hes been saying stuff in his sleep ever since he passed out, must of messed something up in his brain" The nurse said calmly
But unfortunately i didnt take it too calm
"What?! What has he been saying? Like he almost just said my name so" I huffed
"Oh so youre gerard. Hm weird" She said
I furrowed my eyebrows
"You see Gerard, When he woke up in the hospital he forcefully disconnected his oxygen tube"

"Why would he do that?"

"He said gerard or well like, you didnt care for him so there wasnt a point" She spoke quietly
Tears were blocking my eye sight.
"But of course thats why you see straps on him, We wouldnt let him do such things. Pretty sad kid"

I leaned against Frank's bed and moved my face lower to his lips
"When is he gonna wake up?"
"Could take at least 4 hours. Poor kid lost too much oxygen, gotta get his heart rate back to normal"
Hearing that made me angry, I wanted to see his eyes again. I wanted to hold him and make sure that everything is okay but i cant. I slammed my fist against the wall and left the room. Awkwardly Mikey followed.

________________

"Gee he might be awake now, stop smoking"
"Yeah? And what if he isnt?" I spat out
"You dont want to see him when youre high" Mikey touched my shoulder
I bowed my head and put the bong down.
Hes right, why would you want to see someone you love and not remembering the next day? Stupid. Im so damn stupid. Fuck.

Eventually i went to go see Frank and he was indeed up but something was off. The color from his face was drained, Almost grey eyes, cracked bleeding lips etc.
"Hey Frank" I whispered slowly approaching him
He snapped his head towards me and i saw tears starting to form
"G-Gee" He spoke trying to reach over to me
I walk to his reach and pulled the straps off
"I love you baby" I whispered pulling him in for a gentle but strong hug.

Notes