I'm a sinner for love

***
I was sat in the bathroom stall crying -more muffled-

Its pretty hard to take the hate in from your own god damn parents, out of anybody especially my mom. She protected me from my abusive father, threw him on the streets for treating me so badly. Not until she found out my secret and the protection faltered. Its lost. Shes lost and doesnt know what to do so guess what she does? Brings my father back. Probably to teach me a lesson but out of all people why .. why him.

Its bad enough she doesnt trust me, i already have enough problems. So right now my dad can fuck off.

___________

All this thinking is overwhelming and im almost certain im about to pass out until i hear a voice
"Frank you in here?"
It was familiar but i couldnt put my finger on it. So i decided to ignore it and let my tears fall faster.
"Aha! you are here, id know those shoes anywhere!"
I gasped. Shit its Mikey. Gerards brother, how come i didnt know before?
"What do you want!" I spat out
"Jesus calm down bud, Gerard was looking for you and since me and you are in the same class i decided to help him" He sighed standing in front of my stall
"Well im busy now go away" I yelled in a wobbly voice. Totally gave away that i was crying
"Are .. Are you crying?"
See!
"Go. Away." I repeated but Mikey stood still
I looked through the crack and he pulled out his phone dialing some number.
It took me a minute to figure out who he was calling
"Damn it gee pick up your phone"
I opened my stall door and screamed pushing him backwards
"Dont you dare fucking call him!" I climbed over Mikey putting my hands around his throat, squeezing.
"Fr-Frank i dont k-know whats up with y-you today but you dont n-need to do thi-this" He choked out.
I looked down at him angrily and then another minute later i realized what was happening. I quickly let go and stood up staring at my hands then at Mikeys bruised throat.
"I am so sorry" I whispered
"H-Hey n-no its o-okay" Mikey stuttered
I moved closer to give him a hug but he shuffled back quickly looking scared as fuck
"Im sorry!" I yelled but that just made him run out of the washroom.

"Shit" I cried sliding down to my knees

-
TIME LAPSE
-

Im such an idiot. What is wrong with me? Hey im Frank and i nearly killed my lovers brother, let me just be the coward i am and lock myself in my locker!
Ive been in here for over two hours and although im the right size to fit perfectly in the small space it smells like sweat and old lunches. But i guess its better in here then outside right?
I think i fell asleep in between the hours but the people getting slammed into the locker every period gave me a heart attack.
I tried taking pills i left in here dry but i ended up choking on them instead of actually swallowing them and it sucked even more when all i could do at this point is cry.

So eventually the end of the day came around and i woke up from his voice. Whos voice you ask? The one and only Gerard Way.

"Mikey wheres Frank?! And tell me again why you have bruises on your neck"
I breathed heavily but quietly so they wouldnt hear

"Your so called boyfriend tried killing me in the bathroom just because i was trying to call you" Mikey spat

"Okay i already got that but why did you need to call me? What happened that was so important that you decided to call me in the middle of class?" Gerard asked

"He was in the bathroom for three hours bawling his eyes out, tried asking why but he just told me to go away. I thought i was helping him by calling you but no he just jumped out and started choking me!!!" Mikey yelled

"Do you have any idea of what he just went through, the kid is fucked" Gerard whispered

Any words that were being thrown around i ignored. The only possible sentence i could focus on was the last thing Gerard said.

'the kid is fucked'
I felt the anger build up inside of me but overall i just felt hurt because i knew he was right.
I slammed my fist on the locker door making it pop of the lock that was left on from me being inside it.
Gerard and Mikey gasped and stared at me.
I didnt make any eye contact i completely just walked right past him.

When i reached the main doors Gerard grabbed my hand and turned me around
"Im sorry Frank"
"Theres no need for an apology, i just cant handle the truth" I said bluntly and turning back around heading for my house.

When i got to my destination i figured going through my window was best instead of dealing with my parents.
I opened the window and got into my room.
Pulled the bong from under my bed, got the pot, lighter and took a hit.
A long one, so long that when i exhaled i almost blacked out.
But a minute after i felt great! Well kinda.

I smoked all of the plant and sat on my bed looking up at the ceiling.

'the kid is fucked'

"Yeah well you arent any better" I said out loud.
What can i say? I dont keep things in when im baked.
I ran -stumbled- to my drawers and looked around for a special something. Throwing things in the process i finally found it.
5 cans of black, red and white spray paint
I took the cans and packed them in my pocket. Surprisingly they fit.
I jumped out of my window and ran the the closest park. Next to this park there was this abandon building where Gerard and I used to smoke here when my Parents had enough of the smell.

I shook the black paint and sprayed the painful words on the grey stained bricks.
Moving side to side to complete the master piece. Stepping back lots to see what it looks like from a distance. Sure you can call it stupid but with a messed up mind like mine i cant find a better way to express anything.

I sprayed small words reading 'the kid is fucked' at the top.
"The kid is fucked" I spoke when i sprayed it a tad bigger underneath it with white paint

I kept writing it bigger and bigger until it filled the whole wall with my anger
"The kid is fucked" i kept saying

"The k-kid is fucked"

"The kid is fucked!" I said a bit louder

...
I sprayed 'Youre not any better' i wrote in big letters over top of the original writing.
"Well Gerard, youre not even fucking better!" I screamed not caring if parents and their kids were 5 meters away trying to enjoy their time at the park.

"Dont look at that crazy man" I heard a mom say to her kid
I turned around and went up to her
"I am anything but crazy ma'am" I told her
The woman slapped me in the face and ran to her car with her kid
I fell to my knees,
"Mommy he wasnt hurting you .. why'd you hurt him??" The kid whined walking up to me
When the boy not older than 5 was in front of me he attempted to touch my arm but i shuffled away slightly.
"I wont hurt you" He whispered
I looked at him.
"Im a freak" I told him shielding myself
"I am too" the boy said hugging me
I knew he didnt know what i meant but at that moment i felt something i never felt in a long time. The feeling you get when someone finally understands you. It didnt help my entire situation but, at least he tried yknow?
I hugged back hoping id remember this when im no longer high.

________________



"IEro?" I heard my dad yell kicking my door down
I flinched considering i was still stoned
"uhhh?" I i said
"Are you high??" HE yelled running up to me
"Ya" I said.
Dang it Frank.
"Wow youre gay and you do drugs. Man she raised you bad"
I shot my head towards him
"What did you just say!?" I yelled
"If it wasnt for her kicking me out on the streets you could of been a better kid. That bitch doesnt know what shes doing"

"Atleast she didnt beat me" I tried keeping my cool
"Thats how you learn my child, Plus i bet Gerard thinks less of you too."
Aaand i lost it.
I attacked him. Jumping at him swinging a punch to his face. He stumbled back a little but he was a strong dude so i wasnt much compared to him.
"You shouldnt of done that you fag" He said smiling as he picked me up from the throat and slammed me down on the concrete floor. I screamed from the pain. Feeling my bones crack was even worse. Especially when he punched me a few times before the room started getting darker. Soon enough red filled my vision.

Notes

Hey i updated. how long has it been? Long enough am i right ladies?