The Human Stain

“I uh…” I pause and bite my lip. Punishing Jeremiah? Do I actually want to be in the room for that. Do not think I do not think he does not deserve punishment, for I do, but I’ve read all those books, and they say that if you and your mate are in the same chamber when there is torture taking place…you can’t help but be aroused. I blush at the thought and quickly return to the conversation, “I am sorry, but it has been a bit of a long day for me. Would you mind if I stayed behind and rested?”

Frank smiles warmly at me, “Not at all. Unless Mikey minds?” Mikey just shakes his head not saying anything at all.

“I guess I will be seeing you.” I say and begin to climb the stairs, Frank smiles and heads out the door with Mikey and I turn and walk the rest of the flights to my room.

I enter my room and quickly change into a more comfortable outfit. Despite being supposedly made for comfort, I’m starting to assume that they were made more with fashion in mind. My mind wanders back to the topic of this morning as I get dressed. I can not believe I rejected their offer with such a weak excuse as this. I run a hand through my hair. To be completely honest I am petrified of the idea of being intimate with Frank. I have never even been intimate with a women how am I supposed to know what to do with a man!

The books do cover that aspect as well, but it’s not the same as physically experiencing it. I’m afraid that I’ll be horrible in bed and Frank will leave me for someone who actually knows what they’re doing. I feel a bit ridiculous thinking this when I’ve only just met Frank, but being a mate to someone does something to you. I looked in his eyes and was instantly smitten with him. I could not help myself.

I suppose that’s why I’m so afraid of losing him. When you fall so hard for someone that fast it changes your way of thinking. I just thought a week ago that I would have to have meaningless intercourse with someone I could never truly love, and now I’m thinking about having that with Frank and I just can not understand it. I can not understand how everything has changed so quickly for me, even though it’s all been for the better at this point in time.

I look around the room slightly more desperate for something to do in order to get these embarrassing thoughts out of mind at least for a little while. I saw nothing that interested me, so I decided to go to the library and see if there were any books of interest I could find.

It takes me a while to find it seeing as I got lost on the way there. The house is still a bit confusing to me, but I hope one day I can get used to the innumerable doors and halls. The library is everything I could have wanted and more, while I do admit there are some more boring books on politics and business, but I am delighted to find that Mikey actually has a rather good stock of fiction. Despite having grown up as a servant the Grievences made sure all of their servants were able to read, write, do arithmetic, and understood science. They mostly do this because they have some servants do their books for them and other household tasks that require an education. I was always eager to learn as much as I could.

I search the shelves some more trying to choose something that could hold my attention. I finally spy a book that interested me between Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea and Anna Karenina. Alice’s Adventure In Wonderland. I pick it up and sit in one of the big armchairs that are scattered throughout the library. I always heard this was a good book, but I never had the chance to read it. Who knows I may hate it.

I open the book and begin to read enjoying how the silence in the library keeps my attention on the book. As I begin to get farther into the book the irony of the situation doesn’t escape me. In fact I am in a way the modern Alice. Both Alice and I were thrust into situations we do not understand, and attempt to deal with the situation by adapting to the environment. We encounter many different characters, some good, some evil, we both wish to go home, and we both are not very good at fitting in in the world we were thrust in.

I sigh and continue to read on completely riveted by the book. Whoever told me this was a good book was absolutely correct. I’m just at the part where Alice is about to join in a bizarre croquet game that involves flamingos for mallets and hedgehogs for balls, when there is a knock on the door. I look around for something to mark my place with and just use a random scrap of paper I had found on the table. I rise and make my way over to the door and open it. I’m greeted with a smiling Frank and a vaguely pleased looking Mikey. I’m going to assume everything went well from their expressions, and from the blood speckles on their clothing.

“Hello Gerard!” Frank says excitedly kissing my hand, “Were you alright all by yourself?”

“Of course!” I reply happily, Frank’s excitement is catching, “How did it go?”

“It went rather well I think.” Mikey says calmly, “His parents had no objections to their son being tortured once the situation was explained. He was screaming within five minutes.”

I nod and gesture to the armchairs silently asking them to sit down. We sit in silence for a while due to a servant, who I think is named Tirian, brining in coffee and crumpets. Silence had just begin to stretch into the awkward territory when Frank speaks up.

“Mikey,” He says, “And Gerard. I have a question I’ve been meaning to ask both of you.”

“What is it?” Questions Mikey and I nod a bit unnerved by Frank’s nervous expression, which was a beaming smile a few seconds ago.

“Well you see, um, well it’s rather like…” Frank flounders for words his cheeks heating up in embarrassment. I do have to admit he looks absolutely adorable when he blushes.

“Just spit it out man!” Mikey says quickly getting tired of Frank’s non-comprehensible sentences.

“I was wondering if I could court Gerard.” Frank says a bit more confidently than before.

I blush at that and Mikey begins to laugh. It is actually the first time I have heard him laugh. It is a comforting sound and makes me feel more at home than I felt before. Of course that is when I realize he is laughing at Frank and that can not be good. What if Mikey refuses to let Frank court me? I thought he approved of us as mates, but maybe I was wrong.

"Frank." Mikey starts and I can tell Frank is just as nervous as I am, so I grab his hand and hold it; he gives me a little smile, "Frank, why the devil would you even need to ask. You're both already mates." He says this kindly all the while smiling at both Frank and I.

"Oh..." Frank says blushing even more, just as I said before adorable, "I was just trying to be polite."

"Momentary lapse of judgement is more like it." Mikey says teasingly smiling, "Come on then it is time for dinner."

Notes

Hey-o done with school now!
Oh and I did this contest called #FearlessRemix it's where you had to remix some bands songs and you can win tickets to warped tour and other things you can listen to mine here. I'd be very grateful if you did.
Song of the Chapter: Dumpweed by Blink 182