Save Me From My Self-Destruction

I woke up in Gerard’s bed, the duvet wrapped around me like a burrito. I opened my eyes slowly, yawning. I looked around to find Pansy propped up in the corner with all of my stuff. At least I had my stuff now. I looked around again, finding Gerard sitting next to me and stroking my hair.
“Hey, Frankie…” His voice was soft and quiet. He didn’t want to startle me. “How do you feel?”

I spoke, but no sound came out. I tried again, but I just squeaked. Gerard bit his lip and kissed my forehead.

“I’ll get you some lemon and honey, I’ll be right back.” He left to go upstairs. I stayed wrapped in my burrito blanket. I felt like a child, a child that got a lot more positive attention than I ever got when I was a child.

Sun came through the tiny window, creating a warm spot on the floor. I wanted to curl up in that warm spot, stay there and stay warm. I suddenly felt like I was falling.
Falling into nothing, falling, falling…..

Until I felt myself hit the ground.

It woke me up, as I hit the imaginary ground. My heart was in my throat as I sat up. I had a head ache, and my stomach hurt. I was about to get up when the bed disappeared. I fell into darkness, nothing was there. I tried to get up, which failed. I just started falling again. This was horrible, I hated it. Was I even alive?

I tried to stop myself falling, I tried to grab something when there was nothing to grab. My stomach was doing back flips, I felt like I was about to throw up. I tried to hold it in. but just as I was going to throw up I hit another imaginary ground.

I woke up with a start. I wanted Gerard. I wanted a hug. He wasn’t there, in his room, it was just me. When I noticed Gerard wasn’t there, I got up and went upstairs.

I found him in the living room with Mikey, and Mrs Way and….my parents. They all turned to look at me all at once. Everyone had hollow, black, empty eyes. I stumbled backwards, but before I could fall, Mrs Way caught me and took me to the middle of the living room. She pushed me to the floor, and I fell easily – due to my weak frame. Then the all moved closer to me, they all had sharp teeth, spit dripping from them. All except Gerard. Gerard had hollow eyes, but they were innocent – he was trapped inside his own body. I knew none of the Ways would ever hurt me, but I doubted it at that moment. They all closed in on me. My mother ripped into my chest, pulling out my heart. I screamed silently. I just lay on the living room floor bleeding and staring at Mikey and Gerard.

I felt the floor break away underneath me, I was falling then. I was dead but I could feel everything. I could feel myself falling. First my surroundings were pitch black, then they were the whitest white. I felt like I was being blinded.

Where am I? Where will I end up? Is this a dream? Am I alive? Am I dead?

Then all of my questions were answered when I hit another imaginary ground.

I jerked awake, screaming and crying for Gerard. He was soon at my side, holding me tightly. “Shh, shh, baby, shh, it’s okay.”

“I- you- “ I hiccupped, sobbing onto his shoulder. “I was- falling and-“ I cried.

Gerard rocked me back and forth as he sat me in his lap. I wrapped my arms and legs around him. He cooed at me and petted my head. “Shh, baby, it’s okay…”

I just cried, more than I ever have from what I could remember. I was crying for hours, Gerard just held me. He cooed at me and rubbed my back. “Frankie, shh, do you want a drink?”
I nodded, my mouth was so dry and I had ran out of tears. Gerard lifted me off of his lap as I whined in protest. I held onto him, I didn’t want to be on my own. What if I started falling again?
“Frankie, I’ll only be a second, come on.” Gerard said softly. He kissed my cheek softly as I let go of his shirt. He went upstairs.

I curled up in the blanket; I could feel something watching me. There were black shadows creeping closer to me. They were going to get me; there was nothing I could do about it either. They were going to get in my head and fuck me up. They were going to fuck me up so bad. I pulled the cover around me in a feeble attempt to hide. It didn’t work at all, they were still there. They were coming closer and closer.

My saviour walked in. “Frankie?” I jumped.

“Gerard! They’re gonna get me!” I squealed.
“Who? Who’s they?” Gerard asked, handing me my water and sitting next to me.

I drank my water desperately, gulping it down. “Them- those shadows.” I pointed to them.

“What? There’s nothing there, Frankie, it’s just my wall.” Gerard said, confused. I rubbed my eyes, and looked at the wall. Gerard was right…. There was nothing there. I was going insane.

“What’s the time?” I asked, changing the subject. Gerard looked at the tiny clock on his bedside table.

“Time to take you to hospital…”

Notes

^_^