Save Me From My Self-Destruction

I watched Gerard draw his new comic-superhero-thing. It looked good so far. I had been meaning to tell Gerard a secret for a really long time- trust me, two years is a long fucking time to keep a secret.
I grabbed a pillow from the top of Gerard’s messy bed and held it close to me. Gerard heard me move, because he turned around and looked at me. “Frank, are you okay?” He asked.
“Um- yeah, but …” I trailed off.
“But what?” Gerard came and sat with me. I pulled my sleeves over my hands more.
“I have to tell you something. You’re gonna hate me though.” I mumbled.
“No, no, I won’t I promise.” He smiled at me. I smiled back a little, before starting to tell him my secret.
“Okay…. I gert bullied at school and on facebook and through texts and my parents abuse me and I’m anorexic and I’m suicidal and I cut.” I said all in one breath. Gerard swallowed and nodded, he was shocked. I curled up and sobbed quietly. He put one arm around me and pulled me close to him. I let the pillow go and hugged him instead.
“Shh, shh, it’s okay, I’ve got you…you’re safe here.” Gerard cooed, stroking my back. I nodded and held him tightly. “How long has this been going on for, Frank?”
“T-two…two years.” I mumbled.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was scared you would be disappointed in me…”
Gerard just nodded, wiping my eyes for me. “How much do you weigh?”
I shrugged “I feel weak all the time though…”
Gerard nodded “I’m gonna weigh you, okay?” I didn’t want to know my weight, it would make me want to starve more.
“Okay.” I answered. Gerard picked me up and carried upstairs to the bathroom.
He sat me on the edge of the bath tub while he got the scales out. I shifted a bit “What about my clothes…they will make me weigh more than I do.”
“Take them off.” Gerard shrugged. I felt so uncomfortable but I did as he said. I took my hoodie off, which revealed all the scares and cuts I had made. They went from my wrists up to my shoulder and the deepest were on my wrists. I took my shirt off then, showing the last little ones on my shoulders. “Jeans too.” Gerard said, folding up my clothes. I did so, the button getting caught on my boxers. I squeaked and pulled them back up. I fiddled with the zipper and button for a minute before I could get my jeans off. I pushed them off and I heard Gerard’s breathing hitch. I looked down at my thighs, they were also covered in scars- I hadn’t cut there in a while.
Gerard helped me onto the scales, holding my waist gently. His hands were soft and warm and they made me feel safe. He let go quickly. I watched the numbers change on the little screen. They stopped on 90. My breath caught in my throat.
Gerard helped me off “Get dressed, Frank.” He said. He got a bit of paper and a pen out of his pocket and scribbled down what I’m guessing was my weight. I got dressed quickly. Gerard led me to the kitchen when I was dressed.
He picked me up and put me on the side. “What do you want to eat?”
“N-nothing, I’m not hungry.” I lied. Gerard could see past it though.
“Frank, come on.” Gerard sighed. I really didn’t want anything to eat, but –damn- I was hungry. I just sat on my hands and sighed too.
“I really don’t want to eat.” I mumbled.
Gerard nodded “I don’t want to force you.” He kissed my forehead. My heart jumped and I grabbed onto Gerard’s hair. He gasped and picked me up “Star Wars?” I nodded and wrapped my legs around him.
Gerard carried me to the living room and put me down on the couch. He grabbed some a blanket from the corner and fluffed up so cushions for us. I watched him make a little den in the corner of the sofa.
Gerard out the DVD in the TV and curled up, patting his lap. I crawled over to him and snuggled up to him. He pulled the blanket around us as the opening credits started. I leaned my head onto Gerard’s shoulder and closed my eyes. “C’n I stay over tonight?” I whispered.
“Of course you can.” Gerard said, holding me close. I felt safe against Gerard. He was at least five inches taller than me and much chubbier. I liked his chub- it made him comfy and cuddly.
I smiled and held onto his shirt. I yawned and started to fall asleep in Gerard’s arms.

Notes

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