Amare aut mori conatur
Excerpt from the diary of Gerard Way: 2
2nd October 1939
Billie had been watching me as promised. I'd decided to play it safe, socialise with Mikey and Ray rather than going out of my way to talk to one of the others. I made no mention of Mikey's lie, I just tried to forget about it. In a way I knew that he was only trying to help me, show he cared. In return I needed to show I cared. It was for his sake was what I kept telling myself. The truth was, however that I was never good with new people, sure I knew my brother, but I was finding it hard to talk to anyone else including Ray. Despite this I made the effort. I'd decided it to be beneficial if I were to be in Billie's good books.
Billie had told us today our deployment was expected in ten days. This meant more emotion for those who still hadn't accepted the hole they'd already dug for themselves by conscripting. Almost out of habit I open the locket Lindsey had given me and tried staring at her but only saw him. I realise as writing this I have not mentioned who 'he' is yet. 'He' was the man I couldn't take my eyes off. 'He was the man who was slowly replacing Lindsey in my dreams of home. 'He' was short, black-haired Frank who winked at me with such amusement. I just didn't understand my connection with him. I just didn't understand why according to Billie he cares for me. Billie must know something about Frank. Could he have seen the wink? The wink that even I as the target can't interpret? I keep toying with the dangerous idea of approaching Frank, I just don't know what it is about him that draws me to him. Even the beauty of Lindsey isn't stopping my thoughts of him.
Reluctantly I've made friends with Ray, he seems decent; nothing sticks out as bad about him. Maybe Billie is right about making acquaintances, I suppose we will all be brothers in arms soon and being together boosts morale.
There isn't really anything left to report or reflect on over this day. This could well be the last entry I write, the last page I fill as I don't know the troubles that may come, I don't know if this diary will survive and ultimately; I don't know if I will...
Billie had been watching me as promised. I'd decided to play it safe, socialise with Mikey and Ray rather than going out of my way to talk to one of the others. I made no mention of Mikey's lie, I just tried to forget about it. In a way I knew that he was only trying to help me, show he cared. In return I needed to show I cared. It was for his sake was what I kept telling myself. The truth was, however that I was never good with new people, sure I knew my brother, but I was finding it hard to talk to anyone else including Ray. Despite this I made the effort. I'd decided it to be beneficial if I were to be in Billie's good books.
Billie had told us today our deployment was expected in ten days. This meant more emotion for those who still hadn't accepted the hole they'd already dug for themselves by conscripting. Almost out of habit I open the locket Lindsey had given me and tried staring at her but only saw him. I realise as writing this I have not mentioned who 'he' is yet. 'He' was the man I couldn't take my eyes off. 'He was the man who was slowly replacing Lindsey in my dreams of home. 'He' was short, black-haired Frank who winked at me with such amusement. I just didn't understand my connection with him. I just didn't understand why according to Billie he cares for me. Billie must know something about Frank. Could he have seen the wink? The wink that even I as the target can't interpret? I keep toying with the dangerous idea of approaching Frank, I just don't know what it is about him that draws me to him. Even the beauty of Lindsey isn't stopping my thoughts of him.
Reluctantly I've made friends with Ray, he seems decent; nothing sticks out as bad about him. Maybe Billie is right about making acquaintances, I suppose we will all be brothers in arms soon and being together boosts morale.
There isn't really anything left to report or reflect on over this day. This could well be the last entry I write, the last page I fill as I don't know the troubles that may come, I don't know if this diary will survive and ultimately; I don't know if I will...
Notes
This isn't the only update I'll do today; I know it's quite short in comparison to others. Admittedly this update is a bit of a filler just to show that Gerard is obeying Billie, there will be a bit of a time jump to when they're actually being deployed with the next update.
But anyway, as always I hope you enjoyed this chapter and would much appreciate any feedback you guys give me. I know this isn't amazing but as I've said it's my first. Also I'm planning this to be a long story unless you want me to cut it short which I could also do. Please comment any ideas you have and I'll take them into account upon writing my next chapter.
Ooohh,jbgkfd More? I love this!
5/23/14