Amare aut mori conatur

I looked around aimlessly at the faces I would soon be fighting with. It must have been for the fifth or sixth time that day. I felt as though in a constant day dream with the days passing by and merging together into one another. It must have been three days since I said goodbye to Lindsey. Maybe four. However many days it had been, it felt like longer. Every hour or so I would be looking at her photograph in the locket. It seemed like a source of salvation, to lift me from the hazy blur I was in.
Again I looked around at the faces. I couldn't help but stop at the same one. I didn't know his name. I didn't know anyone's name other than Mikey. Socialising was too hard for me. I kept a distance from them for now. I didn't want to risk becoming attached to anyone. I didn't want to risk losing someone. I was still angry at Mikey for following me and causing Mother more grief, and causing me more grief. Socialising was plainly easier for him. He'd already befriended our officer Billie, and that Ray guy. He obviously couldn't foresee the pain that could follow a lost friend. I was still gazing at the face of the short, black-haired man when I was awoken from my trail of thought.
'Way! Have you been listening to a word I've said?' Billie glared at me. Although he was friends with my brother he had no sympathy for my lack of concentration.
'Yes sir.' I said, checking myself.
He enjoyed being called sir, you could tell through the smile of contempt that slowly spread across his face after the reply. He wasn't a nasty person or a smug person. He just enjoyed his power. Billie's smile turned into a grin
'You sure about that way? I thought you were just checking out Frank over there.' That provoked a laugh from the section. So they've noticed my obsession of looking at him then? As they laughed the short man turned his head my way before glaring at me. Embarrassment flooded my body like death, I couldn't help but blush. In honesty they were right, I couldn't keep my eyes off him but I don't know why. As the laughter died down Frank pulled a wide grin and aimed a wink at me. Whether it was sarcastic I could not say, making a mental note to go more subtle about looking at the faces, I turned my face towards Billie again.
'Anyway as I had been saying, we...' Billie carried on with the information he was addressing as I slipped back into my daydreaming state. I tried to think about Lindsey but the image of Frank's face kept creeping back into my mind, was the wink suggestive? Was he admitting to looking a lot at me? I kept trying to shake the thoughts out of my mind. Why was I so obsessed over this man? I barely knew him. I didn't want any vulnerable friendships. I didn't want any more Mikey's to worry about or Lindsey's to worry about me. I was adamant not to befriend him. Not to care about him. But you already do. Conflicting thoughts should have been the least of my worries in the war situation, yet somehow they were becoming a priority. I forced myself back to the speech Billie was giving to hear his end words
'...we are leaving the cradle, kids...' and with that his brief was over. As we dispersed I toyed with the beads of metal on my neck, playing with the tiny brass locket containing my only treasure.
'Hey Gee!' Mikey called out my name. He was walking with Ray. I just ignored him as he was forever trying to get me to make friends with Ray. 'Hey Gee!' He called for a second time. I couldn't ignore him for a second time so I spun around to meet him.
'What Mikey?' I said defiantly. 'I've already explained to you I don't...'
'No Gee it's not about that,' He replied calmly, I was forever surprised by how perplexed he was whenever I was angry 'It's about Frank.'
His face instantly appeared in my mind. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what Mikey wanted to say about him, I didn't want to know Frank.
'I've told you I don't want to make friends' I indignantly snapped and quickly jogged off towards the billet our beds were in. I lay on the bed gazing at the ceiling before reaching down underneath the bed and pulling out my diary to begin an overdue entry.
I began with the date, writing it at the top of the page:
12th September 1939

I gave some thought how to start before writing down the account of a couple of days. I eventually began;
We are leaving the cradle...

Notes

I know this isn't all diary format but the story will flicker between diary format and present tense. Also any feedback is welcome and I hope you enjoy :) I know it's a bit shit but hey it's my first, give me some credit ;)