Beep beep beep beep beep beep. Marceline opened her eyes, the alarm in sync with the pounding in her head. Her muscles screamed and her face was on fire, she felt used and dirty. Rolling onto her back hurt more than she expected. She took a deep breath, letting herself get slipped away in her thoughts. I’m going to have to wear so much foundation today. She never hated anyone as much as she hated her father, she told herself she only had two more years and she could finally leave this place. Sitting up, she swung her legs off the bed, wincing at every move. Her whole body ached. Standing up she stripped as she locked her bedroom door, headed for the bathroom, Noticing the deep purple bruise under her right eye, she sighed turning the water all the way hot, letting it run as she shut the door. Sitting down on the toilet she opened up top drawer lifting an old Teen Vogue magazine revealing a unopened pack of razor blades. She hadn’t done this in years, feeling ashamed as she pressed the blade against the skin on her left thigh. Dragging the blade, little drops of blood started to form evenly on her cuts. She bit her lip as she started crying. The bathroom filled with steam, as she continued her cuts like a ritual, apologizing to her mother the entire time.

Grabbing her stuff she walked out her room, she still felt like shit but it couldn’t be helped. The stairs almost killed her but she made it. She noticed the living room was close to spotless, no signs that Paula or her father had even been there. Weird she thought to herself as she walked to the kitchen grabbing two bagels, feeling like she needed to consume something to feel better. Leaving her house, she saw her father’s car wasn’t in the driveway, but she could honestly care less about where her father was this early in the morning, she was just happy she didn’t have to see him. 6:56am. Marceline didn’t care about putting in the effort into untangling her headphones, she’d walk to school in silence. This will not defeat me, it’s just another thing I have to get through.

Marceline realized that she wasn’t mentally prepared for the day. She thought that maybe she could handle it but after her first two classes she realized that she thought far too highly of herself. She grabbed her stuff up and walked out of art. Class had ended so the hallways were beyond full, she felt like the walls were closing in on her. Frank spotted her in the crowd and dragged her to the cafeteria to hang with everyone else. She wanted to say that she was happy that he did, he knew she was having a bad day and she was aware he was just trying to help. Any other day she would be grateful of his kind gesture but today, all she wanted to do was run. She needed air and fast.

“I can’t” Marceline said standing up. “Excuse me.” She stood up, walking almost impossibly fast for the door that lead to the courtyard. Walking along the wall, she found a spot that seemed well out of the way, so if anyone came looking for her they wouldn’t find her. Wishing she was anywhere but here. Popping in her headphones she decided to sit there for the rest of lunch, and probably for the rest of the day. She thought about her old house, about how she’d stay in her room and overlook the view of the forest behind her house. How her windows used to fog up anytime it rained. She thought about the summers with her mother. She thought about anything she could to try to get her mind off of last night but all she could see every time she closed her eyes was her father’s sweat slicked face, the scene kept replaying over and over. Everything in her wanted to forget, but she kept hearing her name come out of his mouth. Her stomach churned and her head ached. She kept telling herself she wouldn’t get sick. Tears started to rise, and she shut her eyes tight, pulling her hood over her head. I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to cry. Crying makes me a victim and I will not be a victim. She kept telling herself over and over again like a mantra. I will not be a victim. I will not be a victim. I am not a victim.

---

“What’s wrong with Marceline?” Rebecca nodded towards the door, concern plastered on her face.
Frank shrugged his shoulders. “I honestly have no idea, I tried asking her about it earlier in class but she said she was fine. Though it’s kind of obvious that she’s not, but I left it alone because I didn’t want to upset her anymore.” He looked down at his sandwich. “I went to get her after her class and she walked out of her class and stopped in the middle of as huge crowd. They were running into her and it was like she wasn’t aware of what she was doing.” Everyone got quiet and looked at Frank confused.

Gerard finally just got up from the table and walked towards the door. “I’m gonna go check on her, okay?” This shouldn’t even be bugging me.

“Marceline? Are you out here?” He waited for a response but got nothing. “Marceline?” Still no answer. Pulling out a cigarette and lighting it, he started tracing the cracks along the brick wall, headed to the spot where he usually smoked at. He stood there taking a drag of his cigarette, lifting his wrist to his temples, when he thought he heard music playing quietly. He walked towards the sound and saw a hooded girl sitting by herself. Marceline… Walking up to her he sat down, reaching out to tap her on the shoulder, she all but jumped out of her skin. Shaking she pulled back her hood while taking out her headphones.

“D-don’t do t-that.” She paused her music.

“I’m sorry, I was… Everyone was worried about you. I just came to see if you were alright.” Taking another drag of his cig he waited for her to respond. He figured she didn’t want to talk so they just sat in silence.

“C-can I have a puff?” she asked finally, breaking the silence.

“Aren’t you a little young to be smoking?” She smiled a little before letting her face relax. “I turn 18 in November, I’m not a baby.”

He laughed at her answer and handed the cigarette over. He found himself staring at her once again. Her eyes looked like two Adventurine crystal balls, which beauty was only enhanced by her Ochre colored skin. She lifted her tiny hand up to her mouth, wrapping her lips around his cigarette. Clearing his throat he straightened his back out averting his gaze to the field.

“I fucking missed this.” She said taking another long puff. “Thanks.” she said handing the cigarette back to him.

“It’s okay, you can smoke the rest.” She smiled again placing it back to her mouth. “Can I ask you a question?” Gerard asked, looking back at her.

Glancing over at him, Marceline tried to read his face unsure of what was on his mind. “Depends on the question.”

“What’s going on? I know we just met and everything, but you weren’t like this yesterday..” He thought to himself, this could go one of either two ways.

She sighed and stared off into the distance. “Everything’s. Just.. Fine.”

I say that far too often to let her get away with that. “You’re a terrible liar, you know?” Holding his hand out “Here, let me see your phone?” She hesitated at first, but handed him the iPhone. Clicking on contacts, he saved his number and sent himself a text. Reaching in his pocket her pulled out his pack of cigarettes. He handed her the pack and her phone back.

“You don’t....” She said, trying to give him back his pack. “If you ever feel like you need to talk, you can call or text me whenever, it doesn’t bother me. And don’t worry about it, keep them. Mikey says I need to quit anyways.” He smiled. “ Are you planning on going back to class?” She shook her head in response. “Well if you don’t mind having me, would it bother you if I sat here a little longer?” He said tucking his coal black hair behind his ear.

Marceline dropped her arm slowly tapping it gently on the ground. Her cheeks rose as her frown turned into a tiny smile.

---

Gerard walked into the last 10 minutes of class and Frank looked at him like her was crazy. “What?” He asked sitting down.

“I guess you found Marceline?” Frank asked, concerned.

“Yeah, I did.” “Well, what happened? Is she okay?” He asked while leaning forward in his seat.

“She didn’t tell me what’s wrong, so I gave her my number… That’s all man.” the older of the two sighed.

“That’s all?” Frank looked displeased. He didn’t know what he wanted to hear, but clearly it wasn’t that. “She’s kind of cute, don’t you think?”

Gerard scrunched his face. He didn’t really know what to say, he didn’t even really understand how he felt. He’s known the girl for two days and yet anytime he sees her, his heart catches in his throat and he loses his train of thought. “She is pretty cute.” Cute was an understatement.

“I might ask her out. She told me she doesn’t get out much. So I figured, what the hell, you know?” Frank smiled big.

“Oh..” He froze.

“Yeah, I mean she’s really cool Gerad, and you know I haven’t been out with a girl in a while.” He sat back in his seat, with an even bigger smile on his face.

Gerard knew that she wasn’t his… He hated the way that sounded, she would never be HIS, that sounded like he wanted to own her. He wanted her, but hearing about Frank’s attraction to her, he couldn’t contain this overwhelming feeling of jealousy. “Frank, look. I kind of like her..” He said without making eye contact with him.

“I know..”

“I’m sor-Wait? You knew?” He looked at his friend shocked.

“Of course I know, I’m your best fucking friend. Give me a little more credit Gerard.” He laughed “I just wanted to see what you were gonna do” He patted him on the back.

“You fucking suck man.” He laughed, Gerard didn’t expect to tell anyone about his feelings for Marceline. Especially so early, but for some reason he felt relieved. Who was this girl and why had he fallen for her so easily. He didn’t even believe in love at first sight, but there he was, head over heels for a girl he rarely even saw. This was going to be an interesting year.

Notes

Update:
June 15th, 2017.