Married In My Mind

When the sun was finally all the way up, slanting in through the bedroom window, Frank got up to make coffee. He’d told me to stay exactly where I was. I laid back on the pillows, staring up at the ceiling and listening to Frank moving around his apartment.
I heard Frank’s phone ring. He picked it up after two rings.
“Oh hey Brian.” He said, his fake-polite voice echoing down the hallway.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Why? What’s up?”
There was a pause.
“Oh uh… yeah I got a ride home last night so I left my car at the studio…. yeah.”
He paused again to listen to Brian.
“Oh tonight? Yeah. I’m not busy.” he said. “Text me the address.”
Another pause.
“No. I’ll behave myself. I promise.” he said.
There was one last short pause.
‘Kay. Cool, man. See you then.”

A few silent moments later and Frank was poking his head in the door.
“Wanna watch cartoons?” he asked.
“Totally.” I said, sliding out of the bed and following him down the hall.
“Turn on the TV... I’ll grab our coffee.” he said, disappearing into the kitchen.
He was back with two mugs of coffee as soon as I’d changed the channel to Cartoon Network.
“So uh… Brian’s probably gonna call you. I guess he wants the band to go this record release thing tonight.” Frank said, handing me one of the mugs. He sat beside me on the couch, scooting close to me.
“Oh… cool. I guess it’s been awhile since we were all out together.” I said, taking a sip of my coffee.
“Yeah… That was kind of Brian’s thinking too.” he said, sipping his coffee.
“It’ll be fun.” I assured him. “Who’s release part is it?”
“Fuck I forgot to ask. Ask Brian when he calls you.” He rested his head against my shoulder and let out a deep sigh.
I nodded, directing my attention to the TV.

I’d drained my coffee and was peacefully zoning out to a rerun of The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. I was less focused on the episode as I was on how comfortable and happy this morning had felt. Locked up and alone together in the safety of Frank’s apartment I could almost forget about everything that happened outside of these walls.
Frank’s lips pressed softly to my cheek.
“What are you thinking about?” he whispered.
“You.” I mumbled.
“What about me?” he asked softly.
“I’m just so comfortable and happy this morning. It’s unexpected... that’s all. I haven’t felt this calm in a while.”
He tilted my face towards his and gently placed his lips against mine.
“Sorry if I have coffee breath…” he whispered, before leaning in and kissing me again.
This was the first time he’d kissed me purely because he wanted to. Not because he was afraid of what would happen if he didn’t, not because he was so fucking glad I was okay, not in the dark safety of the middle of the night, not because we were intoxicated or on stage. It was entirely because he wanted to.
I closed my eyes and leaned into him gently.
If anyone asked me, I’d say this was our first kiss.
I wrapped my arms tightly around him. He pulled his lips away to bury his face in the crook of my neck.
“I should get going. I have to get ready for tonight.” I whispered into his hair, hugging him tightly. “Do you want me to drive you to your car?”
He nodded slowly, sighing into my shirt.
“I love you so much.” I blurted out.
“Gerard.” He mumbled, curling up in my arms.
I listened to his slow breaths as we held each other tightly through another episode of Billy and Mandy.

After dropping Frank off in the record label parking lot I made my way home to find something to wear. There was a voicemail from Brian about the release party later. I texted him to confirm I’d be there and texted Mikey to ask what time he planned on showing up.
I took my time in the shower, letting my mind drift off to what would’ve happened if Frank hadn’t stopped us that morning. I jacked off thoroughly, gasping Frank’s name as I came. If Frank wanted to be so physical without actually getting intimate I’d have to get out as much sexual frustration as I could when I was away from him. I let the warm water run over me until it started to run cold.
I opted to wear all black, since I’d forgotten to ask what band the release party was for. All black was safe. I slid into a black jacket and headed out.

Mikey was waiting for me outside the venue. We stepped into the warmth of the bar. The place was packed. Mikey walked over to the bar to fetch us some drinks. Two diet cokes to be exact. He passed me my drink and told me he was looking to talk to some particular dudes who worked for a label he was interested in working with.
It took me a minute to realize who the party was for. I glanced at one of the posters on the wall and my heart stopped. I was at a record release party for The Used which, to my horror, meant a certain someone would be around somewhere.
Bert…
First I feared for myself. He could tell anyone about my coke binge. It wasn’t like people hadn’t seen me with him the other night, but word hadn’t seemed to travel. Or if it did, Brian made no mention of it. Now that I was here he’d probably stand right next to me and brag to anyone who would listen that he was the one who’d gotten me back on drugs.
Second I was worried about Frank. He fucking hated Bert. I couldn’t imagine what it must have gone through his fiery, agro little mind when he realized who the party was for. I didn’t see him around anywhere so maybe he had left within the first 5 minutes of showing up. Or maybe he just hadn’t showed up yet? I sent him a quick text joking that we should’ve asked Brian for more info because this evening was bound to be a nightmare.
I made my way through the crowd, waving to the industry people I recognized from other parties. I spotted Brian across the room and made my way over to him.
“Gerard! Glad you made it out tonight!” Brian said cheerily.
“No problem, dude. The Used is a great band, I’m happy to support them. Releasing an album is an exciting milestone.” I said. I knew it sounded bland and lame, but I just couldn’t make myself sound excited about tonight. Brian didn’t seem to notice.
“You guys will be there someday soon.” Brain said, smiling. The smile didn’t touch his eyes. He looked tired.
“Yeah. I guess you’re right.” I agreed. “Anyways, I’m gonna go make my rounds and say hi to some people.”
“Sounds good. Just stay out of trouble.” Brian said wearily, giving me a look.
“Of course.” I nodded, disappearing into the crowd.

“I was hoping you’d show up.” A familiar voice said after I’d gotten a safe distance from Brian. I nearly had a heart attack. I turned on my heels to face Bert.
“Bert, we need to talk.” I hissed, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from a group of people standing around and chatting.
“I’ll say.” He said, smirking as I dragged him away from the crowd. “I had fun the other night, Gee. I missed our little hangouts.”
“That can’t happen again.” I sighed. “It was a mistake.”
Bert seemed unphased by my blatant rejection.
“Well hmmm…” He said, frowning playfully. “No drugs. Maybe we could do something more… formal?”
“Are you asking me out?” I replied incredulously.
“Why don’t you seem excited?” He asked, leaning in. His breath smelled heavily of tequila.
“I’m flattered, Bert, but um… wouldn’t you rather spend time with someone who still… y’know, parties?”
“You still party, baby. I seen it.” He said, an evil grin spreading across his lips.
“I don’t or… I really shouldn’t.” I told him.
“I think you should reconsider. You’re so cute when you’re all coked up.” He pouted.
“What’s going on here?” Frank asked, suddenly appearing at my side.
“Frannnnnnkie.” Bert said fondly, staring him up and down. “Just the little midget I wanted to see.”
“Leave Gerard alone, Bert. He doesn’t want anything to do with you.” Frank gritted out in reply.
“What do you care?” Bert snapped. “Word on the street is…” he started, taking another step towards Frank. “Gerard proposed and you said ‘no’ on account of the fact that he’s not actually a vampire.”
Frank stared back at him in horror.
My heart fucking stopped. Bert knew. If Bert knew, who else knew?
“I didn’t-” I squeaked.
“Oh so that was just… fiction then?” Bert teased.
“Fuck you!” Frank growled, throwing himself at Bert.
“Frank, don’t!” I yelped, pulling at the back of his jacket. All I’d wanted to do was break up the fight but all I’d managed to do was give Bert a clean shot at Frank’s face. Bert punched him good and hard, letting his drink shatter against the floor.
“Fuck… you.” Bert grumbled, wiping the blood from his split lip against the back of his hand.
“Shit.” I breathed. Frank looked completely dazed, he covered his face with his arm.
I looked around. The place was busy and loud enough that not very many people had noticed the commotion. A few people were starting to stare.
“Let’s get the fuck out of here.” I said, pulling Frank by the arm towards an emergency exit at the back of the venue I remembered from when we’d played here before. He didn’t say anything. He just let me pull him along silently.

Notes