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Married In My Mind

A Direct Violation

“I can’t believe I just fucking did that.” Frank mumbled, rubbing at his face.
“I can’t either.” I snapped, pulling him down the alley. “We were supposed to be playing it cool, Frank.”
“I know…. Fuck. I know that. But he was being such an asshole! I can’t believe you let him talk to you like that.” Frank snapped back.
“Fuck. Let me look at your face. Where did he hit you? Are you okay?” I said, tilting his face against the orange glow of the parking lot lighting.
“I’m fucking fine.” He groaned, closing his eyes. Bert had gotten him square in the Jaw and it was definitely going to bruise. He let out a dramatic sigh, I could smell alcohol on his breath.
“Have you been drinking?” I asked softly, poking at the blooming red mark on his face.
“You think I could stand to be around that asshole sober?” He slurred angrily. “I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t be drunk around you. I should just go the fuck home.”
He pulled away from me and turned to walk away. I lunged forward and grabbed his wrist before he could get more than a few steps.
“I-I made you a promise, remember?” I said. “Your nightmares…”
“But Gerard, you shouldn’t be around me when I’m like this.” He sighed. “It’s not healthy. You’re so fragile...”
“I’ll be fine. Come on, my car’s this way.” I linked my arm through his and guided him along the sidewalk towards my car. He wasn’t stumbling but he couldn’t walk in a straight line either.
“We should’ve fucking found out who the release party was for…” I chuckled.
“No shit.” He mumbled.
“I mean, what are the fucking odds?” I mused.
“Easy for you to be all fluttery about it, asshole… Bert didn’t punch you in the fucking face. Oh and thanks for giving him a fucking clean shot.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t think…” I said, “You actually showed up right as he was asking me out. I was kind of in a daze…”
“Like on a date?” Frank asked.
“Yeah…” I breathed.
“You weren’t gonna say ‘yes’ were you?” He asked, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to turn and look at me.
“I don’t know. What’s it to you?” I shrugged. I hadn’t intended to say yes. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind.
Gerard…” he whispered, staring at me with this hurt, confused expression.
What? It’s not like we’re exclusive or something. You’re not my boyfriend. Why do you care?” I pressed.
“Oh my god, fuck you.” He snapped, scrubbing his hands over his face.
I stood there completely frozen, hoping he’d blow up on me and say something, anything, that proved he cared. He reached for my hand and held it between his.
“We transcend the boyfriend shit, don’t you get that?!” he yelled. “You’re my best fucking friend, you idiot! We don’t need to label this shit that’s going on between us.”
“So you think there’s something going on between us then?” I asked, trying hard not to smile.
“Oh my god, you fucking moron...” He breathed, letting go of my hand and turning to continue down the street.
I just stood there, unable to hide my grin any longer.
He spun around a couple paces later when he realized I wasn’t following him.
“The fuck are you smiling about?” He called out.
“Frank, I think…. I think you’re my boyfriend. I think you’re just in denial about it.” I said, heart pounding.
He took the few steps back towards me and framed my face with his hands.
“I can’t be your boyfriend. What don’t you get about that?” He said sternly before leaning in to press his lips against mine.
I wrapped my arms around his waist to pull him up against me. His lips parted, cool boozy breath flooded my mouth. His fingers tangled into my hair as he hungrily swirled his tongue around my mouth. I don’t know how long we stood there, making out in the middle of the sidewalk.
“We should go back to my place. Wouldn’t want anyone to find us like this...” Frank panted, pulling his lips away after some time. His forehead rested against mine and his arms were still hung around my neck.
“I suppose we’ve made enough of a scene for one night.” I agreed.
“More like enough for the next fucking century.” He chuckled.
~

Once we were back at Frank’s apartment I busied myself making him some toast to help sober him up. He slid up onto the counter and watched as I paced around the kitchen. He grabbed my arm after I’d popped bread into the toaster.
“C’mere.” He mumbled, pulling me in between his legs. He shifted his weight against me, settling his hips against mine.
“I’m gonna burn your toast.” I teased.
“Fuck that.” He whispered, kissing me hard. He wrapped his hand around the back of my head to pull me closer. Faint traces of alcohol and cigarettes masked his usually intoxicatingly sweet breath.
A surprised noise formed at the back of my throat as he shoved his tongue in my mouth. His hands started at the buttons on my jacket. He slid it off my shoulders and let it fall to the floor.
I trailed my lips along his jaw.
“Fuck.” He hissed, rubbing at the bruise forming on his jaw.
“Sorry. I forgot-”
He interrupted my apology by pressing his lips hard against mine. It shouldn’t have turned me on as much as it did but I could already feel myself getting hard.
He pulled on the zipper on his hoodie. He pulled it off ungracefully, refusing to tear his lips away from mine. He ground his hips against mine.
“Frank wait. What about this morning? I thought you didn’t want to-”

“Fuck what I said, Gerard…” he interrupted, resting his forehead against mine. “I had to jack off like twice after you left just so I could stop thinking about you.” He growled in between placing hungry, sloppy kisses along my neck.
“Me too, Frankie.” I sighed.
“Oh god, really?” he groaned. “Did you think about me when you…” he trailed off.
I nodded, biting my lip. I could feel heat rushing to my face.
“Fuck.” He breathed.
“We should wait.’ I said, against what every cell in my body desired. “‘Cause you’re drunk… and I need you to be sure about this.”
“Gerard, I don’t want to wait. I want you now.” He protested.
“I want it too. But we shouldn’t… Not tonight.”
His lips quickly dropped into a pouty frown.
“If you still feel the same in the morning...” I whispered against his ear.
He rolled his eyes.
“Come on… let’s get you into bed.” I chuckled, pulling him off the counter, forgetting about the toast altogether.
Frank followed me silently down the hall towards his bedroom. I expected him to put up more of a fight as I slid into bed with him. Thankfully he fell asleep with all of his clothes still on within minutes. He rolled over in his sleep, facing away from me. I slung an arm around Frank’s waist and buried my face in his hair. I was surprised by the exhaustion that flooded over me so quickly. I pulled my shirt over my head, feeling too heavy to even bother removing the rest of me clothes. I’d wanted to stay up and make sure Frank didn’t have any bad dreams but quickly found my eyelids weighing down with thick sleep.
~

My eyes slid open to blinding midmorning sun. I blinked away the blurry sleep in my eyes and turned my head towards Frank. He was still sleeping peacefully, curled up in a tight little ball. I glanced over at the clock, it was just before noon.
I pulled him into my arms. He groaned, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Fuck… my head.” he breathed.
“Hungover?” I whispered.
“I don’t know if it was the alcohol or the fucking punch in the face… but I feel like someone punched me in the face.” He rolled over to face me. Thick grey rings circled his bloodshot eyes. A darkening purple bruise had formed on his jaw, spilling onto his cheek.
“Do you need anything?” I asked softly, brushing his hair out of his face.
“Just you.” He deadpanned, eyes heavy with intent.
Before I could ask him what he meant he kissed me, leaning into me with his whole body. He pulled my face towards his, lips parting, tongue slipping into my mouth. I could feel his hard on grinding against my thigh. His hand started at the button on my jeans.
“Frank, wai-” I breathed, trying to pull away.
“Don’t fucking start.” He panted.
“But-” I squeaked. He clamped a hand over my mouth.
Do not.” He growled, mouthing at my neck. I poked my tongue out, slipping it against his fingers to let him know I wouldn’t argue anymore. I slid my hand down and cupped him through his jeans. He moaned, low and deep and lusty.
He reciprocated, sliding his hand along the straining hard-on in my jeans.
“Fuck, Gee.” he whispered. I shut my eyes and lost myself in the way he touched me. Squeezing and palming and rubbing.
He slid his hand off of my mouth and went for the buttons on my pants. There was a lot of ungraceful, awkward fumbling as we tried to get each other out of our pants. He pulled my jeans down over my hips and started massaging my cock through my boxers. All manor of embarrassing sounds escaped my lips.
“If you don’t touch me soon I’ll...” He trailed off in a gasp, quickly shoving his jeans just far down enough to pull his boner out. He slid a hand under the hem of my boxers and stroked my length. I wasted no time returning the favor, tugging his boxers down and wrapping my hand around his cock.
We were wrapped up in each other as we jacked each other off, legs and jeans tangled up, arms awkwardly angling around each others. He buried his face in the crook of my neck to stifle his moans. I bit my lip, eyes squeezed tight, as I bucked my hips into his fist.
“Mmmmm Gerard.” he gasped.
“I know, Frankie.” I moaned.
“So fucking hot.” He panted, sucking hard on my neck, nipping at my collarbone. It was almost embarrassing how quickly I came. He licked at the corner of my mouth as cum spilled all over his hand. Frank was only another 20 seconds of pumping behind me. He gritted out my name over and over as he rode out his own climax, bucking violently and unrhythmically into my hand.
We laid there, knotted up and panting, covered in cum and sweat and party clothes.
“Fuck…” he gasped, wiping his hand off on the sheets.
We kissed and caressed until Frank decided we were too gross to stay like that. He pulled his shirt off and used it to wipe away as much cum as he could before tossing it across the room and onto the floor. He slid his jeans the rest of the way down, kicking them onto the end of the bed. He curled up in my arms, burying his face in my chest. I trailed my fingers along his arm, making small circles.
“My head doesn’t even hurt anymore. See? I told you orgasms fix hangovers.” He sighed, a lazy smile playing on his lips.
“Frank, can I ask you something?” I asked softly.
He hummed in approval.
“Last night… you said you couldn’t be my boyfriend. What did you mean?”
“It’s in our contract.” He mumbled. I could feel him tense up.
“I don’t remember signing any contract saying I couldn’t date you.” I chuckled.
“Well you did… it’s in our contract with the record label. Didn’t Brian tell you?”
“What?” I gasped.
“Brian didn’t tell you that? Fuck, I’m sorry I thought you knew. I guess it slipped my mind after that night I found you with Bert. That was like the first thing he told me.”
“No… I-I-” A sinking feeling gathered in my chest. “I had no idea.”
“Yeah. It’s a legal liability thing or something. No romantic involvement with other band members. It’s direct violation of our contract. We could lose our deal with the label.”
“Then why-?” I breathed, pulling away from him and sitting up. “Fuck. Why didn’t you say something? You’ve just been jeopardizing your career for me?”
“Not exactly…” Frank sighed. “You really wanna talk about this right now?” He pulled the sheets up around his neck.
Yes. I do.” I felt like I was going to cry.
“Okay. I’ll be honest then… I thought if you spent some time with me you’d realize you loved the idea of me and not me the person. You obviously have this disconnect between who I am and who you want me to be… if you’re writing is anything to go by, anyways. I just wanted you to get it out of your system.”
“So that’s all this has been?” I said, choking on the feeling of despair curling in my stomach.
“No, Gerard. Fuck you for even thinking that. I fucking care about you, okay? ...But I’m not giving up everything we’ve worked for just because we want to fuck around.” He snapped.
I slid off the bed, grabbing my shoes and my shirt on my way out of the room.
“Fuck. Gerard don’t leave!” Frank called.
I pulled my shirt on as I wandered through the kitchen. I grabbed my coat off of the floor where Frank had tossed it the night before.
With a heavy heart and tears in my eyes I stormed out of Frank’s apartment without so much as a backward glance.

Notes

sorry this needed more drama...
hope u like it!
i've been on kind of a roll with story. i think this is my 3rd update this weekend.
leave me something nice, u lil rays of sunshine ; )

-m


Comments

I love this. I've re read it four or five times but never make it to the end. always get caught up. When will there be more?? I need more. I love this.

NOT USED ACCOUNT NOT USED ACCOUNT
11/15/16

Hey, I just wanted to let you know how closely I follow this story. I'm constantly rereading it, I love it so much. Now I'm not trying to rush the writing process, I know how delicate that can be, I jjst really appreciate all your hard work and I get super excited when I see you've updated. :)
Thank you for writing this.

IAmAGhost IAmAGhost
1/14/16

@KayKay
NEVER. HAHHHHHAHAH.
um, no, actually, idk, i'm working on it. i swear.

FRERARD HOTLINE FRERARD HOTLINE
10/1/15

D: when will this be updated?!

KayKay KayKay
9/25/15

@everyone: married in my mind isn't dead it's just taking a little nap. i promise. <3
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

FRERARD HOTLINE FRERARD HOTLINE
8/15/15