Dig It

I sat with Gerard, terrified of what he was going to tell me. If his nightmares were truly as bad as he makes them out to be then I wasn't even sure if I actually wanted to hear them. It scared me how he'd wake up shaking and screaming. He'd scratch at his face and claw at his wrists. Most of the time I was there to stop him from inflicting any serious injury but other times I'd wake up and see his rocking back and forth on the couch sacred for his life. What hurt the mast was when he would to refuse to sleep at all and spend days sitting on the couch awake. He told me if he went long enough without sleeping he'd see things in the dark. I was worried sick for him and it shattered my heart to see him like this. Everything was out of my control and I would beat myself up every day because of it. I took a deep breath and sighed as Gerard nervously began to speak.

"Well....it all began a few weeks ago. At first it just started with me waking and screaming and not knowing why. Then it turned into nightmares. Every nightmare was the same; I'd wake up in a room with brick walls. T-the bricks had um these red blood stains on them. Some were shaped like hand prints and claw marks. When I'd open I'd be on this metal work bench with old blood stains on it as well. My wrists and ankles would be strapped down to the bench with them dirty leather restraints. I'd be lying on the bench without my clothes on. It would feel so uncomfortable I hated it so much. There would be tape on my mouth so I wouldn't be able to scream. Then a tall man with this black suit and white tie would walk in from god knows what. Every time he'd walk in my body would begin to shake, it was so awful. The scariest part w-was that he has this creep gas mask on. He would rip the tape off my mouth and place it on the work table he had beside him. I never looked at the table; I was always too scared. He would take this needle from the bench and loop this small barbed wire through the eye of it. The he would bend down to my level and w-whisper in my e-ear."

By this time Gerard way trembling over his words. Tears were pouring from my angel's eyes as he sobbed into his hands. I couldn't watch this anymore. I didn't want to hear the rest of it. I immediately wrapped my arms around my love and held him as close as possible. Tears were streaming down my face as I kissed his head. His sobs vibrated against the crook of my neck as he curled in my arms.

"I-I'm s-sorry, it just felt so real."

"Don't apologize, sweetheart."

He heaved into my chest while he tried to speak. I hushed him quietly and picked him up bridal style. He wrapped his shaky arms around my neck as I walked up the stairs silently. The only sound that could be hear were Gerard's heavy sobs that soon dissipated into light sniffs. When I finally reached the bedroom I kicked the door open and laid my angel on the bed. Gerard's eyes were droopy as he was slowly fading out of consciousness. I kissed his forehead and pulled the covers up to his chin.

"Don't leave me, please."

He said barely above a whisper. I climbed into bed and wrapped my arms around his fragile body, him snuggling closer to my touch as I did so. I wanted to stay like this forever. Just me and him and nothing else. I felt like I was floating in void with him by my side. He's all I've ever wanted and all I need. He's been through so much; all I want is for him to smile. I want to have a future with him. Just us together. It feels unreal sometimes if I think about it too much; like something out of a cheesy romance novel. A lot I feel like I don't deserve him. It's so frustrating to see him hate himself even though he's the most brilliant human being in the world. He makes me feel things I've never experience. He makes me feel wanted and loved and accepted. The amount of power he has over me terrifies and comforts me at the same. We've been through so much together and I hope he feels the same way.

I cuddle closer to Gerard as we both drift into sleep. I rest my face in the crook of his neck as I sigh once more.

"I'll never leave you. I promise."

I can almost feel him smiling as I shut my eyes and let sleep overcome me.

Notes