I woke up to the sound of birds chirping from the window. I didn't feel like opening my eyes at the moment but I did anyway. Gerard's foot lightly kicked my side as I adjusted my body under the bed spread. He was sleeping peacefully throughout the whole night which I honestly didn't expect. After telling me about the dreams he's been having I expected him to wake screaming like usual but here he was laying in my bed as quiet as can be drooling all over my pillow. I'd be lying if I said he didn't look adorable while sleeping. His mouth was slightly open as he silently laid there next to me without a care in the world; his pixie nose slightly twitching after the occasional snore that emitted from his beautiful parted lips. God, I've fallen hard for him. I don't deserve him and I probably never will.

I peeled the covers back as I sat up, my back against the headboard, and checked what time it was. I knew it had to be some time in the morning since the sound of birds fucking screeching woke me up. 10:05. Ugh, I only got a few hours of rest. I'm probably not going to be able to fall back to sleep so I guess I might as well get up and make some coffee for Gerard and myself. I know how he loves to be woken up with coffee, who doesn't. I carefully step out of bed and kiss Gerard on the nose before I head to the kitchen. As I'm walking to the kitchen I can't help but notice the couch in the living room and remember last night. Gerard looked so broken and exhausted as he sat on there and basically spilled his heart out to me. Just thinking about it made my heart ache. I feel so helpless not being able to help him when he needs me the most. My chest felt like it was caving in on me the more I thought about it. In all my attempts to help, I've literally failed Gerard. All I've done is made things worse than they already were. He's been through hell and back and everything I've done to help is useless. He fucking tried to kill himself and I've done nothing. I am literally fucking useless. The more I realized the more I began to hyperventilate. I backed up into the wall and slid my back down against it, my body reaching the floor. I balled my fists in my hair and pulled it roughed while I sobbed into my knees. All I am is a fucking joke who doesn't deserve the one I love. Gerard needs someone who can actually help him, not a useless piece of shit like me. Maybe I can find someone. Yeah.

I finally calm down and stop crying . My legs feel wobbly as I stand up from against the wall. I hope not too much time went by while I was drowning in my own self pity. I should probably go make that coffee now.My feet stumble on themselves as I made my way through the kitchen resulting me in successfully face planting on the cold tile floor. A pain induced groan escapes my lips as I try to haul my fat ass off the floor. Since I'm just in a tee shirt and boxers my arms and legs sting from trying and failing to protect my face. I crawl to the kitchen counter and hoist myself up. Even though I probably have a busted nose, I try to ignore the throbbing headache that's now starting to form. When I'm done getting everything settled I leave the kitchen to let the coffee and brew. I then make my way to the bathroom to see just what the fuck I did to my face. When I look in the mirror I am met with a bloody bruised nose and busted lip. My mouth is full of blood which I assume is probably because I bit my lip or something when I fell. I guess I'm going to have to clean this up before Gerard is awake. Since I'm still pretty tired I just my mouth out and check to see if my nose is broken, which thankfully it isn't. After all the blood is cleaned up I eagerly get back to the kitchen and pour the finished coffee into to clean mugs. I waste no time in chugging the mug of warm happiness. The hot liquid burned my throat as I downed more than half the mug. Ugh, I really needed that. I take Gerard's cup in my other hand and I make my way back to my room.

When I kick open the door I am surprised to see Gerard fully awake. He's sitting up in my bed intently reading a comic book. He's so focus that he doesn't even notice me walk in. I set the cups on the night stand and giggle at how serious he looks. Apparently that got his attention since he smiled widely as he turned his head to look up at me. My face reciprocates the smile as I do the same. Before he can stop me I take the comic book out of his hands and straddle his waist, my body securing his to the bed. At first he immediately tenses up under me but soon relaxes his body into my touch. I softly kiss his nose to let him know he'll be okay and his huge smile is soon replaced with a devious grin when he seductively tells me to grind my hips down on his. I comply and he instantly wraps his arms around my waist and pulls my body closer to him while I plant small kisses on his neck and jawline. A moan escapes his lips but it's soon muffled as I place my lips on his. I move my mouth with his, still grinding down on his hips; his tongue glides against my lips asking for entrance I quickly grant. Our tongues dance with each other while we moan, giving us the perfect soundtrack to this heated make out session. I stop myself before it gets too intense and pull away. Gerard leans his head on mine and gently kisses my lips. I smile and kiss him back.

"I love you so much." I whisper while looking into his eyes.

"I love you, too."

I smile even wider and pull him close to me but my smile soon fades as I remember what I have to do. I hope he doesn't hate me for asking but I have to. My hands begin to shake and my chest starts to feel heavy again. Gerard notices, his face contorting into a worried expression.

"Baby, what's wrong."

"I have to ask you something, Gerard." I try to keep my breathing steady.

"You can ask me anything, sugar."

"Um, would you be mad if I asked you to see a therapist?" I said it all in one quick breath. Gerard's body tensed up again and he tried to avoid my gaze. My chest started to tighten once more. I feel like I'm going to throw up and I bet he feels the same way. He probably hates me now. All I want is for him to not have to struggle through this anymore. I want him to be happy again. He doesn't deserve this and I just want him to get better.

"Okay."

He says not even above a whisper. I'm surprised to hear him say this since I expected him to say no and argue with me but he didn't. I look up and see tears sliding down his face. Guilt punches me in the face and i instantly feel like shit about this. I pull Gerard into a tight hug as he sobs into my shirt. We hold each other like our lives depend on it.

"I'm sorry I'm broken."

"Shhhh, don't apologize baby. You're perfect."

We continue to hold each other soon in silence since Gerard's crying faded into sniffs. He leans his head on my shoulder and I do the same to him. I look over to the night stand and remember the coffee I made for him.

"Love, I had made you coffee but it's probably cold now." He smiled and kissed me on the cheek. I reached over and handed him the mug of cold coffee while also grabbing mine as well. We sat on the bed silently and sipped our coffees just enjoying each other's presence. I put my cup back on the night stand and laid my head down in Gerard's lap. As I was about to close my eyes I hear the words I'll never get tired of hearing.

"I love you, Frankie."

Notes

yO O O sorry if there are spellin errors cause i didn't proofread it
title by Panic! At The Disco

-xofangoria