Suicide Note

By the time I was 17, my hair had changed to a pastel pink and purple, I was so skinny you could see my bones, my skin was pale and I probably didn't smell to good. But by this time I knew I was going to leave this world and I knew that this time I wasn't going to fail.

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A knock at my door startled me, "Natalie are you okay?" My mother asked she was somewhat sober right now, "I'm fine mum," I say. I hear her sigh in relief, "do you want something to eat?" She asks and I say "no thank you, I was thinking of getting some air today if that's alright with you." I say, "sure Nat." She says and I hear her footsteps walking off into another room.

I begin to write everyone a letter, one for my mother, one for Gerard and one for whoever finds my body.

Mum,

I'm sorry I have to leave you like this but it seems like you don't even care wether I am alive or not, yes you stopped me from killing myself the last time I tried but I can't stand to live in this world anymore. I just want you to know that I love you, and I will never stop because you brought me into this world no matter how shit it is.

Love forever and always Natalie. xo

I slip the letter into a envelope and begin to write Gerard's.

Gerard.

What you did to me on my sixteenth birthday broke my heart. I don't think I will ever be able to forgive you for that, remember how you always told me to never let them take the light behind my eyes, you see Gerard you put out the light, you were the only thing in my worthless life worth living for and you made me hit rock bottom. I'm not asking for your sympathy, I just want you to know how much you hurt me. I do still love you, because I know the boy that was once you is in there somewhere.

xoxo Forever Yours, Natalie.

I put that letter into another envelope and begin to write the last letter, (A/N the one in the summary) tears start rolling down my cheeks as I leave the house, I put the letter addressed to my mother in the letterbox and start walking to Gerard's I get in front of his house and see Mikey sitting outside tuning his bass guitar I place the letter quietly inside the letterbox hoping he won't notice me, but he did.

"Natalie is that you? God you look terrible." Mikey says and I look at him giving him a small smile, "hey Mikes." "Do you want to come inside I could get you a water or something." He asks searching my eyes, "no Mikey it's fine, in you're letterbox is a letter for Gee. Could you give it to him for me please?" I ask and he nods pulling me in for a hug, "are you sure you're okay Nat?" He asks and I stare into his eyes, Mikey has been nothing but nice to me, "I was never okay Mikey, but I will be. Bye Mikes." I say before walking off.

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Mikey was the last person I said goodbye to in person. I don't want to repeat how I killed myself, I do hope you understand. You know how they say your life flashes before your eyes whilst you die, well it's true, it's like I relived every moment of my life up until when I died. "Natalie." My dad says from behind me, "yes daddy?" I say, looking up at him smiling. "You're getting to be a pretty tall girl. I'm proud of you honey, for holding out that long." He says hugging me, I am with my father again.

I'm finally truly happy.

Notes

Okay so Natalie's story has finished, the next chapter which is the final will be in third person. We will see Gerard's and her mum's reaction to the letters and yeah.

- xoxo B