Suicide Note

When I turned 13 my style changed, I had my hair covering my face I wore dark colour and I just wanted to be unviable to the rest of the world. of course I don't get what I wish even if its a simple desire.

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"Happy birthday Nat!" Gerard says as I enter the school, high school grade seven. "Hey Gee." I say and he gives me a big smile, "this is from me." He hands me a small box covered in pictures from magazines and a card, I open the card first. It was beautiful the artwork and the message inside, I knew Gerard had drawn this and that's another reason that I love having a talented friend like him.

Dear Natalie Parker
I just wanted you to know that you're the raddest person I know and I love you for being yourself everyday.

I remember all the times you would come to my house whether you were angry, sad, hyperactive or just plain happy. You never cease to put a smile on my face and I hope we will be friends forever and ever.

Happy 13th Birthday!

xoxo G

I blink back tears, Gee is incredible. "Open the gift!" He says excitedly and I oblige, inside the box was a note that said, "the world is ugly, but you're beautiful to me." And underneath that note was a small heart shaped box and inside that was a ring, one of the most beautiful ring I have ever seen, it was a metallic blue and in the centre was one of Gerard's drawings of the two of us holding hands staring up at fireworks. "Awh Gee it's perfect!" I say hugging him tightly.

"Hey emo chick, why don't you go kill yourself like everyone wants you to do!" A blonde girl says from her locker, I look over to her and smirk, "wow you said everyone that's a big word for you blondie." "What the fuck did you just say to me twat?" She says walking up to me before throwing a series of punches to my face and ribs. Why me?

-after school-

'Happy birthday princess!' Was something that I was always hoping to hear when it was my birthday since I was six but I never did, birthdays seemed to have stopped for me, my mother didn't care about me anymore, it seems like the only person who does is Gerard. I walk up to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror, Gerard didn't notice my battered face because you can't really see my face anymore, I remind myself of Violet from the incredibles but obviously I don't have rad powers like her.

I move my hair out of my face and let the hot tears roll down my cheeks, I am worthless. I don't even know how to defend myself. Look at me, a ugly piece of scum. I can't take any more of this, I run to my room and shut the door, grabbing my blade that I stole from my mothers pencil sharpener I drag it across my thigh, watching the shimmering red droplets form and run down my thigh, I don't like harming myself. I just don't see any other option, I sometimes write words on myself with my blade, this time I decided to write the word 'worthless.' To remind myself that no one would ever love someone like me.

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Of course I was wrong, when I was 15 someone did the unexpected and I swear for the rest of that year I was the happiest girl alive.

Notes