Your eyes are vacant & stained (frerard)

FRANK’S P.O.V
I was hurt, angry and annoyed for many reasons, but the top two were definitely that Gerard was drunk and… He kissed Bert. Okay, it wasn’t anything special; really, it was just a peck, like it only lasted for like 5 or 6 seconds, but still! It was still a kiss more than I will ever get…
Maybe I am being a little selfish. If Gerard and Bert get together, great…
Fuck, no, I’ll never be happy if Gerard goes with anyone else.
- - -
I sprinted after Gerard, sighing; he had told me he wouldn’t run away anymore. I saw him, stumbling. I was anxious, scared of how he’ll approach me as I caught him up, mainly because he was drunk and kept tripping over and rolling on the floor. I found him leaning against a tree trunk, the moon shining on his face, making his eyes and his face look really pretty.
“Gerard,” I was breathless, because of his appearance.
“Don’t kill me, don’t h-hate m-me,” He stuttered because he was drunk…Or scared, I don’t know which.
“I won’t ever hate you, honey.” I whispered. Gerard glanced sideways at me, a pained expression on his face.
“I’m not good enough for you, Frank,” Gerard blinked, a tear falling from his eye, and rolling down his cheek. “You try so hard for me and I just throw it back in your face,”
“You can’t help it, Gerard,” I paused. “It’s an addiction, I know how you feel.”
“Life’s so unfair, my parents hate me, they always go on about my brother. Everyone hates me, they always beat me up. School sucks, I always get bad grades. The guy I like can’t date me, plus, he wouldn’t anyway, look at me. I’m just a dumb idiot who has a stupid addiction and an ugly body and…” Gerard stopped, his tears falling from his eyes. I knew the alcohol would make him over-emotional but this wasn’t on.
“Hey, Gerard,” I hugged him, tightly. “Life is unfair. Your parents don’t hate you, and it’s wrong that they always go on about your brother. Not everyone hates you, you have friends from your old school, you have me, and you even have Bert! Getting bad grades doesn’t matter; it’s the effort that counts. If you try your best, there is nothing else they can ask from you. The guy you like… Even if he ‘can’t’ date you, there isn’t anything stopping you, who cares about whatever the situation is? And you are definitely NOT a dumb idiot, and your addiction is due to your problem, which you cannot help and you certainly do NOT have an ugly body, you’re fucking perfect, Gerard.” The speech was pretty long. Gerard glanced up at me, his eyes glassy.
“Thank you, Frank. Thank you, thank you, and thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you.” He hugged me so tight, I could barely breathe. “I like you so much, thank you. You make everything better. But… I am not perfect, please get that into your head,”
“No. You are perfect. Please get that into YOUR head.” I retorted.
“It’s so hard to hold on to anything, everything,” Gerard sighed.
“Don’t hold on because you think no one will be there. Someone will be there, I will be there. There will always be me there for you. You’ve got to believe you’re worth more than being repeatedly beaten up or accused at by your parents, you’re worth far more than that. You need to believe that someone will see how perfect you are and treat you the way you should be treated,” I stated.
“I try to believe, Frank, but I can’t. I won’t find anyone who will like me. I mean, they all think I’m a freak, I look like one,” Gerard frowned at the ground, almost tripping over his own feet.
“You’re not a freak, Gerard,” I sighed. “I like you. Believe it. I think you’re perfect. Believe it.”
“If you really like me and you’re not just pretending because you can’t admit what you really think,” Gerard paused. “If I’ve got you… That’s everything to me.”
That was enough to make my cheekbones hurt from grinning.
“I do really like you. I’m not pretending. You’re amazing, Gerard, please understand that I’m not lying. You’ve got me. I’ve got your back, okay? If you ever feel like drinking, come to me. I’ll help you. Don’t… Don’t go out to pubs unless you’re with me. Bert… Bert is a bad influence,” I chewed on my bottom lip.
“I tried too, Frank.” Gerard admitted. “I tried to tell myself that I shouldn’t do it, but I just…Couldn’t reject it,”
“I understand…” I trailed off. “Are you going back to your house, you seem to be nearly sober now,”
“It’s the emotions, they are the things that bring me back to being sober… Being drunk is a release from everything, that’s why emotions bring me back,” Gerard held an intense eye contact with me, before staring at the stars. “I think I want to stay in the woods,”
“Really…? I mean, I could get some sleeping bags, we could camp for the night,” I shrugged. Gerard stared at me, his eyes shining with hope.
“You would do that for me?” Gerard’s voice was so innocent, so sweet.
“Of course I would,” I smiled.
“I love the stars,” Gerard stated.
“I’ll bring a tent, maybe we can camp for the weekend, if you’re not with your friends,” I suggested.
“Yes! I was meant to ask you if we could hang out…” Gerard whispered. “I was too scared,”
“Don’t be scared, I would always say yes,” I patted him on the back, and then pulled him in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around my waist and nuzzled into my collarbone.
“Don’t ever leave me, Frank, please.” Gerard whimpered.
“I won’t ever leave you, don’t be silly,” I tucked his hair behind his ear. “C’mon, let’s go and fetch the tents and sleeping bags… I’ll bring some marshmallows or something,”
- - -
We were outside, in my small blue tent, in the woods, and Gerard was just sitting there, admiring the stars.
“I think the stars are nice because they reflect onto your eyes and make them look really pretty,” I stated, holding my marshmallow on a stick over the campfire I had created.
“Thanks,” Gerard blushed, his beautiful eyes flickering to his marshmallow that he held firmly. He took it out of the fire and shoved it into his mouth.
“What happened with you and Bert, then?” I was eager to find out, scoffing the marshmallows down my throat.
“He asked me if I had kissed guys, I said yes,” Gerard explained. “Then he told me to kiss him, so I did,” Gerard shrugged. “I was drunk… But, I didn’t take it seriously, of course. I don’t love Bert,”
A wave of relief washed over me.
“Oh,” I simply replied, focusing on my burning marshmallow.
“I think I like being outside in the night with you, it takes away every chance there is for me to drink,” Gerard shuffled closer to me. “Although, I find sleeping bags really annoying,”
“Turn it into a duvet then, unzip it,” I suggested.
“But, it doesn’t cover my whole body, width ways,” Gerard pouted.
“I’ll unzip mine, we can share,” I offered.
“Thank you,” He hugged me, making me fall to the floor, luckily I had already eaten my marshmallow. Gerard began to cook his, when I tackled him to the ground.
“Hey! I wanted that marshmallow,” Gerard made a sad face. I rolled my eyes, and glanced at my stick with a marshmallow on, just at the perfect temperature. I fed Gerard it, and he smiled happy, and gave me a small kiss on the cheek.
He smelt of marshmallows mixed with his pleasant scent.
I wonder if his lips tasted like marshmallows…
- - -
Gerard snuggled up to me underneath the sleeping bags.
“Thank you for this, you do so much for me,” His breath hit the exposed skin of my neck and I shivered with pleasure.
“No problem, honey,” I removed hair from his eyes, smiling at him.
“I mean it, thank you.” Gerard whispered.
“I know you mean it,” I muttered back, watching Gerard as he rested his head on my chest, closing his eyes. His hand clutched the cloth of my t-shirt, it was cute. “I really do know you mean it,”

Notes

a/n:



i so b