Your eyes are vacant & stained (frerard)

GERARD’S P.O.V
I returned home the next day, which was Sunday. I was upstairs, eating my lunch in the dining room when Mikey burst in, a cheesy grin on his face. I almost threw my plate at the floor, that smile means he’s done something good, it always does.
“Guess what?” Mikey squealed, my parents arrived at his side, like slaves.
“What, my little boy?” Dad ruffled his hair. I sighed, loudly, continuing to eat my lunch, playing around with it as I wasn’t hungry.
“I’ve got a girlfriend! Her name is Kristin!” Mikey announced. Oh, great.
“That’s brilliant! When are we going to meet her?” Dad questioned.
“That’s PERFECT! I’m so glad you’re off of that Pete guy; he was a waste of time… I’m so glad you’re not gay!” Mum stared pointedly at me; my parents knew I was gay, of course.
“We’ll meet her tomorrow, she’s coming around after school,” Mikey exclaimed, excitedly. I missed Pete. I knew I would prefer him to whomever this girl was, I mean, Pete was one of my best friends, old best friends, anyway. Pete helped me against all the shit I got at my old school, but soon Pete moved down to Mikey’s year… And then Mikey’s crush started and I and Pete weren’t as close anymore.
“I think homosexuals are absolutely disgusting, it’s not right! It’s not human nature,” The foul words coming from my parents mouths were stabbing me right in the heart – Mikey had disappeared upstairs to his room but they were still bleating on about it like sheep.
“God or anyone didn’t create us to like the same gender – it’s wrong! It’s like…”
They were interrupted by me. I had had enough. I threw my plate of food at the wall, watching it break into tiny shatters.
“Oh yeah, so I’m fucking wrong to you? I always am!” I screamed, then sprinted downstairs, and locked myself in my bedroom.
- - -
Once I was sober from my drinking, I felt bad. I felt horrible because of Frank. Then, a thought occurred. Running away. If I ran away, my parents would be happy with just Mikey, Mikey didn’t have his annoying older brother to debate over Batman about, but still… Frank would be better; the weight would lift off of his shoulders… I wouldn’t have Jimmy on my tail all the time, I wouldn’t have Bert pressurising me into drinking… I would run to Bob or Ray, probably Ray as his parents adored me for some weird reason. He’d take me in. I would go back to my old school – maybe be friends with Pete again! I began to pack, furiously and rapidly. Once I finished packing in my black suitcase, I knew I had to do one thing before I fled. Say goodbye to Frank.
- - -
I lugged my suitcase to his house; he had shown me the way from his house to mine the other day, so if I needed help. It was night-time when I knocked, loudly, on his door. It swung open, to reveal Frank, standing there.
“Gerard,” He smiled at me, I could see behind him our books that he had to mark. He could keep mine, if he wanted too. His eyes studied me, and then noticed the suitcase behind me. “What’s…?”
“I came here to say goodbye,” I whispered, the tears were hard to keep back. I love Frank, what do you expect? But, I was never going to have him… So, running away was a good idea, to me.
“What do you mean?!” Frank switched on the light in his hallway, his face panic-stricken.
“I’m…I’m running away to my friend’s house,” I cleared my throat.
“No…” Frank muttered. “No. Come inside, talk about this… Seriously,”
“I’ve made my choice, Frank… I’m going tonight. I’m saying goodbye, now, to you.” When I glanced up, through my watery eyes, I was shocked to find Frank crying, silently, the tears running free down his beautiful face. “Frank, why are you crying?”
“I wasn’t fucking joking when I said that you mean something to me, that you’re special, you know.” Frank choked. I was astonished.
“Frank… Please, don’t cry over me… I’m not worth it,” I mumbled, the tears sprinting down my own cheeks. Frank crying was the thing that set them loose.
“Gerard!” Frank gritted his teeth. “You are worth it! What caused you to do this, stop this!”
“My parents,” I paused. “Mikey got a girlfriend. He used to love a guy, and my parents knew that we were both gay. Now, he’s got a girlfriend. My parents love him. And they were saying horrible stuff about homosexuals to my face. And that was it. I decided life would be easier if I went to my friends,”
“Easier?” Frank croaked, hurt showed in his face. Then, I realised, he thought I didn’t care if I left him.
“And you mean everything to me,” I spoke quietly. “Which is why I came to say goodbye, when I really want to stay, only because of you,”
“Gerard…” Frank pulled me in, closing the door behind him, and hugging me.
“Frank, I’m nothing here, I’m nothing…” I sobbed.
“No, you’re not nothing; you’re everything…Everything to me.” Frank made me face him. “Promise me you won’t be stupid and do this. Promise me, if I let you go out of this door, you will return home and unpack your stuff and stay in your fucking house. Promise me.”
“I’m everything to you?” That meant… A lot to me. So fucking much to me. Frank nodded, slightly.
“I’ll walk you home, if that’s what will stop you,” Frank smiled, weakly.
“Okay,” I sighed. “For you,”
“Thank you,” Frank hugged me, tightly. “Things will get better, I promise.”
“I… Before I was going to do this, I drank again, Frank, I’m so sorry, I’m useless, please, don’t hate me,” I blurted it all out of my system. Frank picked me up in his arms, bridal style, with one arm, my suitcase in his other hand.
“I will never hate you, Gerard, don’t be stupid. I’ve told you that I understand your addiction. I understand you.” Frank spoke. “And you better come back to school tomorrow,”
“I will,” I stated, smiling as Frank shut his door and carried me to my house.
- - -
I was tucked up in bed, Frank watching me from my desk chair.
“Are you going to sleep?” I mumbled.
“No, I’m going to watch you, just in case you decide to break free,” Frank laughed, slightly.
“I won’t,” I replied, shivering because of the cold. Frank rolled his eyes and stood up. I squashed myself next to wall so he could get in. I then snuggled up to him, sniffing a little from all the tears. “That’s the first time I’ve seen you cry,”
“And that will hopefully be the last time,” Frank retorted, smirking. “It’s embarrassing, I hate to cry in front of people,”
“But, I find it embarrassing but I cry all the time in front of you,” I replied, my black locks of hair tumbling in front of my face as I glanced up at him.
“That’s different, you’re not 21 years old,” Frank scoffed.
“I’m 17 years old,” I crossed my arms. “Not that much of an age difference,” I reminded him….And myself…
“I guess,” Frank sighed.
“Thank you for everything, again, Frank. Without you, I’d be gone off to my old school, and things were worse there. My problem was greater… But, I didn’t get beaten up, because I had a friend to protect me…” I thought out loud.
“I am your ‘friend’ to protect you,” Frank laughed, making me laugh.
“Protector!” I shouted, making a sword action with my arms. Frank cried with laughter and so did I. Mainly because I was overwhelmed with emotions anyway.
Things are hard. I can’t…I can’t kiss Frank. I can’t…Say all the things I want to say to him. I can’t tell him I love him. Just because of that stupid thing called REJECTION…
And the fact that he’s my tutor.

Notes

a/n: I CRY SO HARD