The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

When we get home I try to put Ruby down for a nap but she squirms around and whines and doesn't want to lay down. "Rubes baby it's nap time" I tell her and she shakes her head and says "No daddy." "Yes baby come on lay down and close your eyes" I gently prompt her and she screams out "No" at the top of her lungs before she thrashes around trying to escape my grip. "Ruby" I say sternly but she's heading into a full blown tantrum, flailing her arms and legs everywhere and screaming. I lay her on the bed and she continues to scream and thrash around and the headache I've been feeling since lunch throbs in my head and I snap, leaning down and smacking her for the first time ever. She stills instantly, her little tear filled eyes wide as she stares at me in shock and I hear Franks voice come from behind me say "What the hell are you doing Gerard?" I spin around to face him and at hearing his voice Ruby bursts into a new wave of tears and sobs out "Daddy" holding her arms out to Frank. He rushes over and picks her up and babies her before glaring at me like I'm the devil. "How dare you hit her like that, that's not being a good parent" Frank hisses out and I snap. "Fine, just fucking fine I'll let her throw tantrums and potentially hurt herself. I'm the worst asshole in the world for trying to teach her throwing tantrums are wrong, fine Frank message received" I yell before turning around and storming out of the room, shoving past Mikey in the hallway and ripping the front door open, walking out and slamming it to the protest of Mikey. "Gee where are you going?" I hear Mikey ask as I slam the door and storm off. I walk around for a while feeling so angry about the whole thing. Does Frank really think I'm a bad parent? I wander around feeling more and more upset about the whole thing and before I know it I am one store away from the coffee shop. I take a deep breath before going inside and as I approach the counter a familiar face comes into view. "Hey Gee oh my god" William gasps out as he runs around the counter and wraps me in his arms. I hug back before saying "Hey William. I haven't seen you in so long, you look great." William blushes a little and says "Thanks, so do you." I smile at him and he asks what I would like. I make my order and he walks back around the counter and tells the other guy what to make and orders himself coffee too and says he's taking a break before coming back to me and taking my hand, leading me to the back table. When we sit down I smile wide and William smiles at me and says "What?" "Remember the last time you and I were at this table together?" I ask and his face goes lightly red and he chuckles. "Yeah great memories" he says and I wink at him. When our coffee arrives we start talking like old friends, catching up on each other's lives. "You have a kid now? Wow that's fucking amazing, I would say I'd love to meet her but I'm sure your husband would really hate that." "Yeah Ruby she's almost four. Smart, too smart for her own good sometimes I think but she's a good kid, most of the time. I wish you could meet her." William smiles fondly at me before saying "So if you have it so great why are you here alone?" I sigh before telling him the whole story and my justification in the whole thing. At the end I say "So you're judging me now too huh?" William shakes his head and says "Not at all babe, I think you did the right thing. If she's never getting punished for being bad how will she ever know it's bad?" I smile and reach over and grab his hand, squeezing lightly. "Thanks for understanding William" I tell him and he smiles back. We sit there in silence for a few minutes and when I turn my head to look at him again William leans in and kisses me. I close my eyes and kiss back, loving the feeling of intimacy that Frank and I rarely share anymore before I pull away again. "I'm sorry" William pants out. "I thought I was over you but I'm not, fuck I still love you Gee." I take a deep breath before I gently cup his face in my hands and say "I still have feelings for you too, deep down I always have and I've always know that but I have a kid now and that makes things so much fucking harder and I'm sorry." William reaches up and strokes his fingers over the back of one of my hands and says "I know Gee, it's ok." I lean in and kiss him again and when we pull apart I say "I better get going." William nods, looking disappointed but stands up with me and walks me to the door. "Come around again sometime" he says and I smile and nod, stepping in to hug him tight and when we pull apart he leans in and pecks my lips again. "It was so good to see you" he tells me and I smile and say "I know, I'm glad I came here." I leave the store and head towards home with a huge smile on my face and butterflies in my stomach. When I reach the apartment they die instantly and my smile fades as I step inside and Frank rushes over and grabs my arm hard. "Where the fuck have you been?" He snaps and I wiggle my arm, trying to get him to let go. "Out since I'm such a bad fucking parent" I snap at him and his grip on my arm tightens. "Where were you? You've been gone for hours" he snaps and I decide to just get it over with. "I was at the coffee shop with William, who by the way thinks I was completely justified in what I did and why." I see Franks eyes harden slightly but the fist he throws into my face catches me completely by surprise. "You fucking cunt" he screams out as he swings his fist into my face for a second time. Mikey comes running into the room to see what's going on and when he sees us he grabs Frank around the chest and pulls him away from me. "What the hell is going on?" He asks and I dig in my pocket for my wallet, pulling out my credit card as Mikey holds Frank back from
me. "Take Ruby and get out of here. I don't want her anywhere near him" I say as I hold out the card. Mikey takes
the card and runs from the room, going to get Ruby and Frank launches himself on me again. I try to fight back but Frank is stronger and when I get a chance I pull myself off the floor and make a run for it towards the bedroom but he catches me in the hallway and tackles me to the floor, pinning me there while he hits me again. I hear the front door slam and I'm thankful Ruby's out of danger and I shove Frank hard, knocking him off me and I scramble off the floor and run, fleeing the apartment and running off into the night. I run to the only place I have left to go and when I knock on the door William opens it and his face pales. "Can I stay here tonight?" I ask, blood running from the corner of my mouth.

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