The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

Once we get down onto the street I drop Franks hand and we walk side by side, Frank leading me wherever he plans on going. He ends up taking me to the movies, seeing a grown up film for a change and once the lights in the theatre go down his arm snakes out and wraps around my waist, pulling me into his side. I allow it, deciding to not be so harsh with him and halfway through the movie I rest my head on his shoulder, making myself more comfortable. After the movie we walk along the street hand in hand, the sun finally having gone down until we reach a nice looking Italian restaurant, Frank taking my hand and leading me inside. We are seated at a cosy table for two in the corner, the table lit by candles and once we're seated and the waitress leaves to get us drinks I smirk over at him. "What?" He asks, smiling wide at me and I just continue to smirk, shaking my head at him. "Is this a ploy to get in my pants?" I ask and he chuckles and says "Nah, getting in your pants is definitely worth more than this." I blush and drop my gaze, feeling butterflies in my stomach, reminding me of how I used to feel around Frank when we first actually met. Once we've ordered our food the waitress leaves again and I stare at Frank, unsure of what to say to him. "You look incredible baby" he tells me and I smile, feeling my cheeks grow hot again. He reaches out across the table and grabs my hand, linking our fingers together on the table top and I let him, enjoying the feeling of his warm hand touching mine. Something that has been rattling around in my head for days now suddenly occurs to me again and I take a deep breath, deciding that not knowing seems worse than whatever the answer could possibly be. "Frankie" I start, Frank smiling at my use of his nickname. "Where were you? Those three days." Franks face pales slightly before he clears his throat and says "I was sleeping on a friends couch." "Who?" I ask and he swallows hard and I instantly know it was someone he's attracted to. "Does it matter?" "Did you sleep with them?" I counter and he tries hard to cover it but I see the flash of guilt in his eyes. I pull my hand back from his, suddenly realising that maybe not knowing was better. "So you fucked them? That's fine, it's your life. Who was it?" I ask, feeling my heart clench and I mentally curse myself for forgiving him even the small amount I had. "Her names Lindsey." I feel my breath hitch at the thought that he cheated with a girl. "Oh" I say, feeling so insecure in that moment. What did I do to push a gay guy into a girls arms? Am I really that bad? "It didn't mean anything" he tells me, trying to make it better. "Don't" I spit out, feeling my heart shatter all over again. "Just don't." I feel my bottom lip start to quiver and I'm about to push my chair back and flee from this restaurant that now seems smaller and more stifling when the waitress comes over with our food, interrupting us. Once she's gone again Frank turns his gaze onto me again and I can see the hurt and regret in his eyes but I can't get over what he's done. I move to stand up but Frank reaches out and grabs my wrist. "Please, don't go. At least have dinner, you're looking really thin recently babe." "Don't call me that" I snap at him, picking up my fork and pushing my food around on the plate, barely eating anything. I sit there until Frank has finished and while he's paying the bill I stand up and go outside, needing air, feeling like I was suffocating in there. I start walking up the street, not bothering to wait for Frank and a few seconds later I hear him calling my name but I don't stop walking. He quickly catches up with me, grabbing my wrist and stopping me. "Where are you going? The dates not over yet." "I'm going home to pack my stuff, maybe Lindsey would like to finish the date with you. You'd have a better chance of fucking her again than you do with me" I snap at him, pulling my wrist free of his hold and starting to walk again. "Gee, wait" he tries again but I keep walking, feeling so hurt and betrayed, leaving Frank behind on the street.

Once I make it home I grab some boxes that I have set aside in the laundry and I start packing all my things into them, tears streaming down my face while I do it. I'm kneeling in the middle of the bedroom floor, reaching out to grab a pile of clothes when the light reflects off my wedding band, catching my eye. I slide it off my finger, deciding now that I'm ready to take it off and I get up, sitting it on Franks bedside table. I finish clearing all my things out of the bedroom and I stack all
my full boxes in the corner of the living room. I go into the kitchen, getting myself a drink before I go back into the living room, settling down on the couch in the dark and closing my eyes. I feel like I want to cry but I just don't have it left in me anymore and I'm almost asleep when I hear the front door open, Frank coming into the apartment and walking into the living room, carrying a huge bunch of flowers. He walks over and kneels infront of me, offering me the flowers and I stare at them before turning my gaze to his face. "And flowers are meant to do what exactly?" I snap at him and he says "I'm sorry, I don't know what the fuck I'm meant to do to show you how sorry I am. I fucked up, a lot, I know I did but fuck, how am I meant to fix it?" "How about you take your stupid fucking flowers and give them to Lindsey, or did you forget I'm not the woman in your life?" I yell at him and he sits back, shocked. "Gee" he tries softly but I feel rage overtake the sadness inside me. "Fuck you Frank, I almost fucking forgave you, yet again. How fucking stupid right?" "Babe, please just calm down" he says and I sit up, my hands clenching in the blanket either side of me. "Don't fucking dare tell me to calm down. I didn't go out and fuck around on you with a fucking WOMAN FOR THREE FUCKING DAYS, LEAVING YOU HOME WORRIED SICK AND FUCKING HEARTBROKEN" I scream at him, getting up off the couch and pulling my shoes on. "I can't even fucking look at you right now" I tell him, grabbing my wallet, keys and cell, walking out of the apartment and slamming the door behind me. I walk down the street, bawling my eyes out again until I reach a nearby hotel, checking myself in and going up to my room, collapsing on the bed exhausted and ignoring my phone buzzing in my pocket.

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