The Hardest Part Is Letting Go Of Your Dreams

A week later one of the orderlies comes into the yard and tells me I have a visitor. I stand up off the ground excited about it hoping its Mikey but when I turn and look down at Frank he looks upset. "What's wrong babe?" I ask and he shakes his head and says "Nothing. Have fun with your visitor." I realise that this is something he's never had in here so I turn to the orderly and ask "Can Frank come too?" The orderly shrugs and says "I'm supervising so I guess it would be ok." I smile and turn back to Frank, holding my hand out and saying "Come meet Mikey." His face splits into a grin and he takes my hand, standing up and walking inside with me.
When we reach the room I walk in first and immediately I'm wrapped in Bert's arms as he says "Babe I've missed you so much." When we pull apart he tries to kiss me but I turn my head and he kisses my cheek before pulling away and seeing Frank standing behind me. His eyes widen at the sight and he says "So this is....Frank right?" As he steps to the side to look at him properly. Frank steps up next to me and says "Yeah, Frank. Gerard's boyfriend" before sliding his hand into mine. Bert looks shocked and then hurt before he says "Oh" and takes a step back from us. The mood is tense until Mikey clears his throat, drawing attention to himself. "Mikey" I yell as I push past Bert and run into Mikey's arms. We hug for a minute before pulling away and I turn and hold my hand out for Frank to join us. He slowly walks over and I grab his hand before saying "This is my brother Mikey. Mikey this is Frank." Frank forces a smile and says hello and Mikey's mouth drops open before he closes it and says "Hi. Its nice to finally meet you" before turning to me and saying "Wow, you were really accurate." I blush before looking down at my feet. When I've composed myself the four of us sit at the table in the corner and talk for a while, Frank not saying much at all. After Mikey and Bert leave Frank and I go back to our room and I go into the bathroom. When I come back out the look I fear is in Franks eyes and my sketchbook is in his hands. "Are you still with Bert? Am I a fucking joke to you?" I shake my head as I say "No baby I'm with you. Please put my book down." "Don't tell me what to fucking do" he screams before starting to tear pages out. "I don't wanna see pictures of him ever again. If you're still fucking him I will kill both of you you fucking slut." He throws the sketch book on the floor and charges at me taking a swing at my face and I snap. I'm tired of being the victim and taking his abuse and beatings even though I know it's not his fault but I pull my arm back and let my fist connect with his face, knocking him on his ass. I stand there in slight shock that I just hit my boyfriend but he launches himself off the floor and knocks me down, diving ontop of me and wrapping his hands around my throat. I claw at his hands trying to get them off me but he presses down harder and tightens his grip and I can't fight him off in his rage fueled state. I can't breathe anymore and I'm starting to see spots when suddenly the pressure on my throat and the weight of Frank ontop of me is gone and I roll on my side choking and gasping for air as my hands fly up to my throat. I lay on the floor wheezing when I hear a cry of pain so I roll my head to the other side and see Frank pinned to the floor by two orderlies. "Don't hurt him please, just let him go" I choke out and they slowly release their grip from Frank, moving away but not far. I crawl over to Frank and kneel beside him, hesitantly reaching out to touch his shoulder. He turns his head and his eyes are wide and frightened and I know this is my Frank. "Gee" he sobs out and I hold my arms out for him to climb into my lap. I hold him as we sob together and when he composes himself he says "I'm so sorry. I could see what I was doing but I just couldn't stop myself. It was like I was watching someone else." I continue to hold him but I don't say anything because I don't know what to say.

The following day in my one on one with Dr Wentz we discuss what happened with Frank and that he's now aware of what he's doing and how the mood swings are less and less unless something major happens. "As hard as this is to believe after what just happened this means the medication is working and after a while these mood swings might not happen at all." I smile at that knowledge and we talk about anything else about my Frank dreams that might help explain my visions of him and if I could potentially know him from somewhere.
When I get back to the room Frank is sitting on my bed waiting for me. Last night we barely spoke and we slept in our own beds for the first time in a long time. This morning things were still awkward and I don't know what to say to him. He remains silent, just staring at me and focusing on the bruises I now have on my neck so I walk to my drawer and get some
clean clothes before going into the bathroom and getting in the shower, still not knowing what to say to him anymore.
When I come out Frank isn't in the room anymore and I sigh in relief and walk to my bed, laying down with my back to the door and trying to relax. I'm almost asleep when I hear the door creak open and then the bed dips before an arm is wrapped around my waist, squeezing me lightly. I reach up and link my fingers with his as I fall asleep in Franks arms, too exhausted to worry about anything at all.

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