Don't tell mom

Franks P.O.V

Gerard finally came over after a while, never returning my calls or texts. But school started up again and I caught up with him. He was jumpy when I met up with him at his locker, like he was surprised someone was talking to him. He looked like one of those kids from the Nightmare on Elm Street who hadn't slept for days. And that's what Gerard looked like. I could tell it was his brother.

We shared a hug before he left for his classes and it wasn't until lunch when I got a chance to talk to him after I spent a good ten minutes looking for him.

"Dude, I know something's up."

"Nothing's up." He countered after a short pause, turning off the faucet and dried his hands.

"You can start with the fact that you look dead and that you haven't sleep in days." I continued to eye him down, blocking the door. Eventually he made his way in front of me. Trying to work his way around me but I moved with him.

"Can you move, I have to-"

"What? You have to do what? You doze off I'm class so obviously you're not interested in work or me."

"That's not how it is, Frank."

"I know, but you're acting like it. Okay, I gave you your time. I let you grieve over Mikey going to the hospital. Two weeks should be enough time to get over yourself." I saw him tense at the mention of Mikey before lessening himself, countering.

"Just cause we goof around with each other doesn't mean you can walk into my life and control me-."

"Jesus Christ, Gerard can't you see that 'whatever we have together' is the least of my worries. I'm not talking to you as your little bitch right now. I'm talking to you as a friend. I thought you trusted me."

He was quiet again, his eyes to the floor as he eventually let his back lean on the walls. His eyes meeting everywhere but mine. Things weren't going to go anywhere right now, and whatever words fell from my mouth tasted like vinegar and it wasn't a taste I'd like to experience again.

"I want to see Mikey." I sighed.

"No." He turned up imminently at the mention of him. A light flickered in his eyes that wasn't there before. "No, I know what you fucking did to him. You're going no where near him-."

"I want to apologize." There was the taste again.

This time I didn't get much of a reaction and Gerard stayed quiet again. It was kinda awkward standing around like this. A few kids tried coming in but I locked the door after having to shove one of the kids out. The bell rang, causing myself to jump but Gerard stood still in a deep thought.

"Cover your tattoos and say you're my little brother. I'll take you." He finally answered. He sighed as he pulled himself off the wall. "We can go tonight before six. Probably after school so come to my car after school."

We both agreed and nothing else was shared between us. We left each other alone for the few classes we had left and soon enough I was making my way to Gerard's car. He was already inside finishing the last of a cigarette as I climbed in.

"What the heck I said cover you tattoos." He said bitterly as he put out his smoke.

"Calm down I have a hoodie in my bag."

"You better." He shook his head and started driving. He was focused on the road and I figured one of my tattoos was still visible even with a hoodie. So I grabbed concealer that I forgot I even had and started to coat the back of my neck before Gerard glared at me. "What the hell are you doing with make up?"

"I had to hide hickies from my mom, remember?" I threw back at him, I didn't even bother to look at him as I did my best to hide the damn ink without having a mirror.

"It looks good. Were almost here." He responded, he threw his gaze on the road and soon enough we pulled into a parking lot. The building itself looked intimidating from the outside and let me tell you it got a lot worse when you got inside.

We walked through way to many hallways and passed through doors with I.D card locks. It was a pain and I was getting into a mood by the time we reached the eating disorder unit. Gerard thanked the nurse. I jumped when I felt him pull my arm and sorta dragged me before I caught my balance again. "His rooms the next one down."

"I'm going in alone. If it's you and me he'll probably freak out." Gerard once again tensed up and opened his mouth to speak but closed it. Turning away and made his way down the hallway. I thought it was pointless rehearsing a speech and just opened his door right away. He sat at a desk writing and probably thought I was a nurse or something cause he didn't turn up or anything.

I took a pretty deep breath before letting it out in a sentence. "Look, dude I'm sorry." He noticed I wasn't a nurse and jerked his head in my direction. His facial expression was both pissed and scared.

"What the heck are you doing here." Hep is words were surprisingly steady and came out without a stutter. He wasn't crying so I guess he made progress.

"I came to apologize."

"Okay now you can get out." He returned. Staying in his seat, turning his head to his desk.

"I'm not the only one who needs to apologize."

"I have nothing to be sorry for." Mikey growled, like Gerard he avoided my gaze.

"Not to me you id- Mikey you need to say sorry to your brother." Wow, close one Frank.

"I still have nothing to be sorry for." He said confidently, flipping a switch that gave me a feeling I never liked feeling.

"God dammit Mikey, who do you think you are? A god? Because of your self-fish little charade your family is pretty torn up."

"They don't care.. Neither does Gerard."

"Really?" I threw back, my body bouncy from all the anger and emotion that was building up inside for the past week. "Gerard wont really even talk to me anymore-."

"Why should I care about that? Gerard could do way better than you."

"Okay, you listen here you little shit, I'm not Gerard's little bitch. I'm probably the only friend he has right now ever since you decided to starve yourself."

Mikey turned away again. "It's his fault, he made me turn to this."

"Oh. My. Fucking. God. This is no ones fault but yours Mikey. Who decided not to eat food? You did so take some god damn responsibility for your own god damn actions."

"You're not making me feel any better. In fact you make me wish I was dead now. Everyone here just yells at me and they don't even realize how hurt I am."

"You're doing this to yourself, Mikey. Why would anyone feel sorry? This is your god dang choice. It always was. You know why people don't feel bad? Cause it's something that easily could be avoided if you weren't such a pussy and talked to someone."

"It's not that easy. It's hard okay, no one understands."

"I know you like Gerard."
Yeah that sorta slipped from my mouth. I kinda felt bad for that one. Mikey looked up at me petrified.

"How.. No. I don't like him, he's my fucking brother."

"Don't swear at me Mikey," I darted at him, but softened my voice for the next part. "Don't worry, a lot of people have crushes on their siblings. It's not that bad cause you're both guys so neither of you could get pregnant or anything. How do you think I found out I way gay? One of my cousins and I.. Well third cousin. We did stuff together. I know how you feel that way but what you're doing right now is fucking stupid.

"Why do you think I was such a jack ass to you? I knew you felt something for Gerard for a while.. I just tried scaring you off because I thought you'd take him away from me or something. I thought I was never good enough once. Stop acting like you're the only one in the whole god damn world who feels pain. There's a lot of people with worse problems but they don't starve themselves. They fight through it, Mikey. I fought through it."

"What do you mean you fought through it."

"I was never always confident with myself, I hurt too. I used to snap a rubber band around my wrist so I- that's not the point. But why do you think I painted myself in tattoos? I thought I would look better and that people would think I was tough. Everyone thinks I'm a fucking pussy cause I'm so god damn short. I was suicidal but I knew I was better than that. And you know what, I over came a lot of that fear. Yeah I still feel like shit at times but I never wish I was dead. I know my mom cares, I'm her only kid. I could never put my family through the pain you're putting yours into.

"People who do what you're doing right now are weak. Your not a solider for inflicting pain on your own god damn self. I hate cutters, I hate people.. I'm sorry but I hate people who do what you do. It's rude, you're making your family pay hospital bills and everything else. Risking the chance of losing you to the government because they couldn't stop you from hurting yourself but I know that's not what happens. Its your choice, there's a billion other options but this shows that you lost whatever competition me and you were in. Yeah I could've been nicer but it would've made me feel bad if you ignored what I did and made yourself better."

"I thought I was making myself better.. I thought he would like me if I was thin like you."

"Wait, what? Like me? Okay I don't do much to make myself the way I am today. I'm vegetarian, I eat right. I eat as much as your parents and Gerard. I don't need to starve myself and neither do you. Making yourself puke and refusing to eat just fucks your body up and if you don't stop, one day you wish you would've but it'll be too late and you'll have to be fed through a tube for the majority of your life.
"People do care Mikey, what your doing isn't only effecting you. It's even affecting me and it shouldn't. I'm not even part of your family and some how I'm affected by this, through Gerard. He's getting depressed now cause his brother's killing himself."

"I'm not trying to kill myself."

"Okay, those might not be your intentions but you're pushing yourself into health problems. You're choosing to so this Mikey. You decide if you want to get better and this place is trying to help you get better. You're going to have to do stuff you don't like but that's life, alright? I promise to stop being an ass hole because that was mean but you need to say sorry to your family."

"Okay. I will."

"Gerard's out in the hall. You can do it now or wait until your whole family's here and do it at once. I don't care how you do it, just do it. And don't think I'm not mad at you because I was soft about this. I'm angry about what you're doing but I'm giving you the chance to decide if you get better."

Mikey was quiet, his eyes were on me for a bit before he turned away. "I'm leaving now, but if you ever feel horrible just talk to someone. Even me, but I'll kick your ass if you try doing something like this to your self again, okay?" It took him a while to respond but he nodded his head. "Bye."

I slipped out the door and at the end of the hall I saw Gerard talking to some doctor. By the time I made it over to him they finished talking.

"Well that was a long time." Gerard was as blunt as before.

"Yeah I gave him a huge talk. He cried a little but I think he'll be okay. I'd wait to talk to him though, he's thinking."

Gerard looked taken back at what I said. Like I was crazy for trying to control him but he shook his head, "alright, let's go. I wanna get something to eat." I nodded and followed Gerard back to his car.

Notes

I'm back, it's been a while but I've been busy writing 1 direction fan fics. My band plays on Friday and I'm tired. I wrote this at midnight and I'm tried but can't fall asleep. But hopefully this doesn't go on for too long because I feel bad for not updating in like decades but yeah. Much needed conversation and back storyish type stuff.

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Chelsea