Don't tell mom

I didn’t have the guts to visit Mikey for a whole week. My parents obviously found out about his eating disorder and when they questioned me I lied and said I had no idea that he was doing this to himself. I was so broken about what to do. I didn’t want to confront mikey, but I didn’t want to admit it to myself that I was wrong and that I was the one who caused mikey to hurt himself.

I even ignored frank that whole week as much as I could, he came over twice but we didn’t have sex. Ray had actually attempted to contact me too and update me on mikey, but I was too busy with self pity that I didn’t answer him.

But today was the day that I was growing some balls and visiting my baby brother. I managed to make myself look decent and waited until mom and dad would both be at work, and ray and frank would be at school, so i could see him and talk without unwanted interruptions.

I made to the hospital and stood outside of his room for twenty minutes before I just sat down on the floor trying to compose myself. Eventually a staff member came up to me and asked me if I was going in or not because it was mikey’s lunch time and she suggested I either go see him now before he eats or wait until after. According to her it wasn’t a pretty sight.

I choose waiting until after but only about a minute after the nurse or whatever she technically was went in the room with the tray of food I heard mikey screaming.
“Stop it! Stop IT! I don’t want to eat it!”

I heard the nurse scold him and tell him it was this or the feeding tube.
“but I cant I’ve already gained weight.” Mikey cried. He literally sobbed the whole sentence.

“That’s a good thing.” The nurse said as I listened through the wall. “Don’t you want to be healthy and strong?”

I'm guessing mikey just shook his head at her because the nurse continued talking. “awe why not?”

“because i..i want to be pretty, please don’t make me.”

I had had enough of listening to this and just went in the room the nurse looked at me confused as to why I decided to just walk in but mikey looked absolutely terrified.

“Sir you have to wait until after we agreed-“

“Mikey eat the food.” I said cutting her off sharply.
He shook his head and I walked over to him picking up his fork. “Eat. The. Damn. Food. Michael.”
He took the fork out of my hand with shaky fingers but none the less ate the food off of it.

After I convinced the nurse to leave us alone promising not to let ikey hurt himself or throwup we were left alone.

“why are you here?”

“because I wanted to visit you-“

“bull shit. If you wanted to visit me the why’d you wait a week? I bet you were just coming to see if I was dead yet am I right?’’


I felt my heart tighten as he spoke. “mikey no, I was just sared okay-“

“Scared? Sacred!” he yelled “are you fucking kidding me?! I'm the one trapped in the hospital with people I don’t know trying to make me fat while the person I love is at home fucking his boyfriend.”

“You were the one out fucking ray even when he took advantage of you!” I countered and mikey’s face froze before turning into one of complete anger.

“Ray never took advantage of me and he never would.”

“your face is still cut from where he it you, you even admitted to that.”

“yea, he hit me with a beer bottle because we were drunk and I wouldn’t stop jumping on him, that’s still not taking advantage of me. He would never hurt me unlike some people.” He remarked bitterly.

That made a light go off in my head and I remembered what else ray had told me. “mikey…those bruises on your face weren’t from frank were they? He was lying about that right?”

“Why do you keep saying ray is lying? He’s my only friend in this fucking world just leave him alone.”

“so they were from frank?”

“put the pieces together idiot.” He said rudely.

But when would he of- I mean he was always with me?”

“try school. That big ass bruise on my face was from your little fuck boy slamming my head into the lockers in the gym locker room.”

I just stared at mikey at mikey silently, wishing I could disappear. “why would he do that to you?”

“That’s what I want to know. Why out of everyone on this earth does frank have to target me especially when he’s fucking you right in front of my eyes.”

“Okay mikey frank has been around since before this thing with me and you-“

“No. There is no ‘thing’ between us. There never was as far as I'm concerned. I need to move on and I cant dwell on the past wishing for something that will never happen, because you already have the love of your life.”

“what about ray-“

“stop bringing him into this!” mikey screamed.

“it’s only fair. You act so innocent but I heard you on that phone call where you thought you hung up on me. I heard you say you loved him and him say that he wanted to do more with you.” I argued feeling jealousy rage inside me.

“ray is not my boyfiend. Never has been, and we’ve never been fuck buddies or friends with benefits or anything. We’ve never been anything but bestfriends. Nothings ever happened between us and you don’t get to keep dragging him into this all because you’re jealous even with a boyfriend.”

I didn’t know how to respond to mikey but before I got the chance he talked for me. “now get out. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

“But mikey.”

“No! no but mikey’s! I can’t do it anymore gee. I tried so hard to be perfect for you and all it did was land me in the hospital alone. I’m done trying, I’m sorry I couldn’t become pretty enough for you, but I tried and I cant loose anymore weight while I’m in here so I give up. Now please leave.”

I took one more look into not just my little brothers eyes, but my beautiful crushes who I wanted to be with more than anything , and left.

Notes

late night boredom and the realization that this hasn't been updated in way too long led me to this. So sorry for the wait but it is not abandoned. thanks for the patience and sorry for any errors i did't grammar check this

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