It's a not so secret, secret

Nathan's pov

i could hear dad crying and talking to gee but I didn't want to come out or apologize for getting suspended or skipping out on my meds.

Seizures suck and it hurts like a bitch way more when you bite your tongue during one because the blood doesn't stop and you can't stop it, or not choke (which scares dad the most). I've had to have my tongue stitched two times before and it's not pleasant but I just really hate taking the meds.

They make me so out of it I can't even remeber anything once they ware off. not that my life really has anything to remeber. I don't do much.
I just want the fucking seizures to stop not 'possibly be controlled' by the drugs, and everyone's scared of me because of them.

im not even allowed to watch certain movies or tv shows because flashes of light and loud sounds can cause seizures to happen. That's why that one Pokemon episode got taken off the air because the colors and lighting gave over 150 different people seizures when they watched it.

i dont think dad and dad understand how much of a freak it makes me look like when I have to leave whenever we watch movies in class and when I'm not allowed to go to assembly's. Im not ever going to be able to go to a concert either or any clubs when I'm older which really sucks. I can't even go to the movies which is something's baby can do.

Why the fuck did it have to be me out of everyone?
Why cant I be normal?
why can't can't I go to parties?
why cant I fucking be the real me
why can't I get rid of this problem?

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"Nathan!" I heard my dad yell from the other side of the house.

I groaned in response and he yelled back. "Get up were going to the mall today and then you have a doctors appointment." He said.

I groaned again but got up and went to get a shower and get ready. As I was in the bathroom after my shower brushing out my longish black hair I looked at myself in the mirror.

I wasn't like ugly I guess you could say, but I didn't like my body. I was really, really thin because after seizures I'm not allowed to eat only drink incase of after shock and if I bite my tongue or mouth in any way in hurts to eat.

I also have a bunch of scars and bruises from where I'd hit my body during my outbursts. I had a particularly large and ugly scar on my ribs from when I had a seizure at seven and landed onto a knife that fell onto the floor when I had began shaking the dinner table during the seizure and neither of my dads saw it fall.

I decided not to dwell on my body and just go downstairs to eat. Gee was in the kitchen when I got downstairs and he smiled at me although he seemed like he was nervous for some reason.

I ignored it and ate some waffles and then dad came down and asked me and gee if we were ready to go. We both said yes and then we climbed into the car and drove off to the mall.
the mall was normally boring to go to with dad and gee but today they were being realy nice for some reason although gee still seemed really nervous.

they were basically letting me buy everything I asked for, which wasn't much, but still they said yes to almost everything which was unusual.

we ate at the food court and then dad said it was time to go to the doctors. As we were driving I noticed that we were going in the opposite direction of my office.

"Dad?"

"Ya bud?" He asked

"where are we going?"

"The doctors where else?" Gee cut in but I could tell he was lying.

"Guys seriously."

"We're going to the doctors Nathan." Dad said tighting his grip on gees hand.

"Dad you're scaring me where are we going." I asked worriedly. he didn't answer this time which made my worrying even worse and no matter how much I kept pushing neither of my parents would answer.

We finally stopped in front of a building and when I read the sign I saw why the wouldn't tell me where we were really going.

"Uh-uh no fuckin way." I said.

"Nathan come on." Gee begged.
"Nate please?" Dad asked.

"No. No fucking way I'm going in there. I'm not leaving this car."

Notes

In the next chapter you'll see why frank calls gee gee instead if dad and frank dad
more surprising stuff will be soon.

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