I Don't Love You

*the end of this chapter may be triggering*


I slowly opened my eyes. My head was pounding like no other. I tried to remember why but all that came to mind was fuzzy people and the feel of wood on my back. But something was different…I didn’t feel any wood on my back. I felt something…soft. I opened my eyes all the way and looked around. I was lying on a couch in an office. There were paintings everywhere. In the corner there was even a Squier black and red bass on a stand. I looked over and noticed that someone was sitting in a chair next to me. It was Mr. Wentz. He was staring at me with his chin resting on his steepled fingers.

“Ah, so you’re finally up Gerard.” Mr. Wentz said to me. I looked at him confused.

“How did you find me?” I inquired. He chuckled softly.

“Well you see, I was just outside after my last class of the day watching everyone leave when I saw Cobalt and Bob leaving the shed talking about how they just left this new kid unconscious in the shed. You were the only new kid that we got together so I put two and two together and got four. I simply got you out of the shed and cleaned up. I had to stitch up the cut above your eyebrow but your ribs you’re going to have to do something about. I suggest the hospital.” Wentz suggested to me. I viciously shock my head. I would not be going to the hospital. “Why? Gerard you need a hospital.”

“No I don’t. I’m fine,” I insisted. He narrowed his eyes at me.

“I don’t believe you. There is something more to you not wanting to go isn’t there?”

I wasn’t going to tell him it was because Mr. Stomp told me before I left that if I ended up in the hospital I was going to be dragged back to his care. They would not only find out why I was there but also the abuse that he put us through. He could not have that. And the other reason was because I was terrified of needles. Those things sickened me.

Mr. Wentz sighed, he was about to say something was when his phone went off. He picked it up and started to tell into it. “Hey Patrick…no I’m still at school…” I toned out the conversation from there. I could care less what he was talking about. I looked around his office and noticed a picture on his desk. They picture was of Mr. Wentz smiling in basically the same thing he was wearing now he had his arm around a guy about the same age as him wearing a red t-shirt with a leather jacket. On his strawberry blonde hair was a fedora that was slightly crocked his glasses were the same. Both of them had the biggest smiles that I had ever seen. They looked so happy to be with each other.

Wentz ended the call and turned to me. “Sorry about that, that was Patrick he just wanted to know where I was and how long I would be.”

“It’s alright. Is Patrick the one in the picture on your desk?” I asked him. He looked over to the picture and smiled softly.

“Yeah, yeah he is. Also Gerard, you can call me Pete, we’re not in school right now.” Pete told me. He sat down next to me. “Now, would you care to explain why you have a concussion and most likely broken ribs,” I looked up to him surprised.

“I have a concussion?” I questioned.

“Well, I don’t know about that, but the ribs I am most positive. I need you to do something. Take a deep breath for me.” He instructed. He was getting back into his teacher mood. I tried to take a deep breath but I found out that I couldn’t. My ribs pulsed with pain. I started to take short and choppy breaths. I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t notice the way I was breathing before. Pete came up to me and put my hand on his chest. He told me to try my best to copy his breathing. He took deep steady breaths, I tried to but it just made it worse. After awhile I finally got it right. I lied back exhausted. “You never answered my question.”

“You said yourself you saw Cobalt and Bob leaving so get that four you got early and add two to it and you’ll figure it out.” I mumbled to him through half closed eyes. I was so tired. I suddenly sat up.

“Hey Pete, do you have your-“ I was about to ask if he had his cell phone with him when I heard movement from outside his office. Pete stood up to investigate.

“Frank! What are you doing here?” He asked Frank surprised.

“Oh hey Mr. Wentz, I’m looking for Gerard. You don’t happen to know where he is do you?” Frank asked. I was touched; they actually went to look for me when they noticed I was missing.

“Why don’t you follow me?” Pete told Frank.

“Wentz, I don’t think that’s the best idea…I have to look for Gerard.” Frank argued. I smiled Frank really wanted to find me.

“Oh don’t worry, this won’t take long.” Pete dragged him to his office. From where I was lying I could see Frank but he couldn’t see me. I could tell he was struggling. Pete enetered the office. “And here ya go Frank, I found your lost Gerard. Where is my reward?” Frank just rolled his eyes; he hurried up to me.

“Gerard are you all right?” He asked worried.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about it, I’ve had worse.” I reassured him.

Pete coughed in the background, “Frank I would just like to say that Gerard is not okay. I had to stitch up a cut above his eyebrow and I’m pretty positive that you’re ribs are either broken or badly bruised.”

Frank glared at me. I was starting to feel the pain from my injuries. I guess Pete had given me something earlier for the pain. “Gerard you are most definitely not okay. We’re going to take you home and force you to rest. You will not be coming to school tomorrow. Do you hear me?”

I did not like this plan one bit. “Frank you have to understand. I have to go to school, if I don’t then Cobalt and Bob will think they won and I can’t have that. Even though it’s only my first day I won’t have them bullying you or me. You understand? I will be coming to school tomorrow.” I told him.

He sighed. “Fine but if I so much see you as wince tomorrow I’m dragging you’re sorry ass back home.” He was starting to sound like a mother. To say I didn’t like it would be lying. “Now come on, Ray and Mikey are worried about you.” He helped me up, he let me put my arm around his shoulder. Even though he was shorter by at least 2 inches it still helped. It also felt nice. I waved to Pete and walked out the door. Well the correct word would be shuffled.

****
When we got home from getting the late bus, Frank helped me downstairs into my room; he looked around.

“Cool room,” he commented.

“Thanks,” I shyly said, I hated hating having people in my room. This was my personally heaven. Where I knew nothing bad could ever happen to me. Nothing bad could touch me. I lied down on my bed, crossed my arms and stared at the ceiling. I could feel Frank’s presence. I could tell he was awkward. “Y’know Frank, you don’t have to stay down here, I’m sure Mikey could use some company.” I told him.

He looked at me. “You sure?” I nodded. The truth was I just didn’t want to be around people. There was something I needed to do. I heard him walk up the stairs and close the door. I rolled out of bed with a groan. I held my side and walked over to my closet. I opened it up and stood on my tip toes to grab my box I put back there. It hurt like hell. Why did I have to put it so far back?

I finally grabbed it and walked back over to my bed. I set it down and opened the lid. I took out all my sketches and looked at the bottom. Whatever was at the bottom caught the light. I delicately took them out. They were my razors. They even had dry blood on them from the last time I had used them. I inspected them. They were in good shape.

I rolled up my sleeve and looked at my wrist. There were old scars littered across. There were about to be new ones shortly. My eyes started to tear up.

Why did Frank care about to come look for me?
'
It’s because he pities you, the evil voice in my head told me.

I felt the tears start to fall. I hated pity. I put the cool piece of metal against my wrist. I dragged it across. It brought pain at first, but then a relief. This was the best thing. The relief that came with it. Made you forget about every problem you had. I looked at the blood that had started to form. It caught the light and started to sparkle. Kinda like crushed up ruby. I brought the blade to my wrist again and again and again.

I was a waste of space, the only thing I was good for was for a punching bag. My father had made that clear, hell even Cobalt made that clear. And then today I started to question my sexuality. That couldn’t happen. My dad would be so mad at me.

When I thought about what my dad would think I felt guilty, I didn’t need to feel guilty. He was out of my life. In jail. But he had pushed his opinions into me that I couldn’t just forget them. I cut again. I started to feel light headed. I looked down and noticed all the blood. I decided to stop.

I put my blade back in my box and put it back up in the closet. I walked into my bathroom and washed the blood off, it stung like hell but felt nice. I wrapped gauze around; I walked into my room and fell on my bed. I shut my eyes and felt tears slipped down. I wish I had someone who would just cuddle me until I feel asleep. But I had no one, I was alone.

Notes

Here's a really long chapter for leaving you with that horrible cliff hanger c:


If Patrick made an appearance in this would you be mad?


I can't believe y'all stick with this. it's 13 chapters in and nothing exciting has happened yet.