I'm Okay Now

**Gerard's pov**
It took me a coulpul of pulls and turns before I completely removed the door handle and it's lock with a wrench Mikey found in the kitchen. What would happen if I was too late and found her dead? No she not dead, she is a stong girl and she will make it, she has been through this her whole life and this wouldn't be any different from her previous experiences, right? I took in a deep breath bracing myself for what would happen next. I wasent ready but I couldent wait another second not knowing the conditions she was in. Before I knew it i flung the door open to see the worst image of my life. I could feel my heart break as she laid in the bathtub covered in blood and cuts all over. Too much blood was pouring out of the gashes to get an idea of how deep they where.
"MICKEY CALL 911 NOW!" I yelled at him wishing the ambulance was already at the door so she wouldn't suffer any longer. It was her right leg and right arm that where destroyed. Without hesitation I took off my shirt and ripped it in two and started to tie each piece where the groups of cuts begain hoping it will slow down her circulation and possibly save her life. I could feel more tears spill as she looked at me with such dull eyes knowing what we where both thinking. I can still feel her warm soft body up against mine when ever we hug and I would do anything for another. Even a kiss would be great right now, I love the way she slowly pulls on my hair as I put more passion into the kiss, and the feeling that I get is undiscribable. It's almost it was magic between us, as if she was my point in living. I won't let her die, not yet. Is there even a spot on her body that's not drenched in blood, even her hair it's now a deep red.
"Hey Gerard?" She spoke sounding so weak it brought more tears in my eyes but I dident want them to show knowing it would hurt her even more to see me crying this much. I couldn't look at her in the eye just for her to see my horrified face covered in tears also to see that her sparkle has faded would kill me even more, if that was possible.
"Yes beautiful?" I ansowerd with a shaky voice. I couldn't hold it in anymore, I let all the tears I was choking on spill out of my eyes.. I love her so much and seeing her here like this crushed everything inside me. I just want to hold her in my arms forever and I can promise you that I will love her untill the end of everything. I could see life fade away from her eyes as she bargain to speak one last time. a smile appeared on her face and it made me feel happy to know that I made her smile, even in this condition. More tears fell from my eyes and onto the floor.
"Gerard I-" she stopped for a second but didn't continue.
"Katy what did you want to tell me" I whispered into her ear. She just laid their not moving. "KATY WHAT DID YOU NEED TO TELL ME!" I yelled at her but I got no replie what so ever. She just laid there in the tub with her eyes lightly shit and her mouth barely open. She wasent dead, she can't be dead. She just stayed their looking at me as I begain to sob uncontrollably.
"COME ON!" I yelled hopping to get a response only to feel Mikey's hand on my shoulder. I could tell how hard he was trying to hold back in the tears trying to be strong yet some tears escaped. He had to carry my sobbing body out the bathroom so the paramedics could race in to retrieve her, but I put up one hell of a fight. There was not one second that I didn't want to be next to her, even the 30 seconds that the paramedics took to load her in the ambulance seemed like 4 years in hell. This isn't the end, I know it.
****
I sat in the waiting room with Mikey on my side as I impatiently tapped my foot and choked back all the tears that wanted so despritaly to fall. Tonight was a huge blur. One second I'm at school the next I'm saving Katy from her dad and before I knew it she was dead. No she's not dead, she can't be dead. I really need to get my mind off of her, or at lease for a solid minute, as much as I hate thinking about my past, I needed it as a distraction so I can cover up my thoughts.
I remember it all when down hill when I turned 17. Even though I've been a depressed teenager since the age of 13 when my dad died and my mom started using drugs, my life got worse. I remember it clearly 'just one drink' I thought to myself,and after five I couldn't stop myself. I became addicted and an alcoholic but my mom was too high to notice my existence and my baby brother was too young to understand. Sometimes I would miss weeks of school and get Fs on every test I took but I wasent just cutting school, I was also cutting myself. Really deep too. It's a good thing no one wonders why I always wear long sleeve shirts and that's because I have scars all over my arms that never faded. Of course I was too drunk to even know how much I was hurting myself so I kept doing it. But my alcoholism became worse just before I turned 20, that's when my mom passed away leaving me and my little brother with nothing but a small house in New Jersey living off of our parents will. After hearing the tragic news I became more depressed which I dident even think was possible, and started drinking non stop, and smoking 24/7. Even though I couldent say she was the best mom, she was still the person who raised me and my brother besides some extra help from my grandma. It was when I found out that we where in dept that made me realize just how much damage I caused. I was having major thoughts of suicide but knowing I have a brother too look after stopped me. Knowing how low on money we are pushed myself To go out and search for a job to support Mikey and myself. I found a local teaching job and applied for it, before I knew it with great luck and experience, I became the new music teacher at the same school my baby brother goes too, sadly I was still drinking constantly. Poor Mikey and how he walked into my room one day to discover me drunk as fuck with a cigarette in my hand. He just looked so horrified and so mad that I would do something like this. That was the moment when he found out who I really was. He made me tell him everything that was going on and thankfully he was very kind to listen to me and give a lot of help. We started out with cutting down on the amount of cigarets I smoked daily. Usually I used to smoke two packs a day, but we cutt that'll half and too my suprise it worked! Thankfully with all his help and support I only smoke one a day, hoping to one day not smoke at all. And I'm also sober, sometimes having one drink when I go to a bar with some friends but other then that I don't drink. I'm extreamly great full to have such a helpful brother like Mikey But there was only so much he could help with, I was still really depressed, and now that I don't have a cigarette to clear my mind and a drink to remove reality from my life, I was still suicidal. That's when Katy moved in and brought sunshine into my life. I knew, ever since I layed eyes on her that there was something really special about her and I know she's the reason why I'm not suicidal today, even Mikey noticed that. I loved being around her and looking into her beautiful green eyes knowing that I helped her in return, because she defiantly helped me. But knowing that she's suffering on the inside would make me do anything to help her the same way she helped me. And what did she want to tell me? Her words ran through my head like a sad love song fading off into the distance. 'Gerard, I-" Gerard I what? What could she possibly want to tell me. I could feel my body start to tremble and clearly I wasent the only one to notice it because in a matter of seconds Mikey took my hand and placed it in his. I could tell that he was really upset to by the tears that fell from his eyes, but he wanted to be strong for me. It's easy too tell when Mikey's upset. He gets this empty shallow look on his face that lookes like as if he's a lost abused puppy, and it hurt to see him like this.
"So who's that girl you where talking about before when you where not paying attention in class" I asked him trying to change the subject and hopefully get my mind off Katy. I could tell he wasent in for talking, but he also wanted to help.
"You know, just some girl that I met yesterday. Well too me she's more then just some girl...." I could see a smirk on his face
"More then just some girl? Meaning you have a crush on her?" I love it whenever Mikey tells me who he likes because most likely I teach them if they are in the same grade and it's fun to know who they are and what their like.
"Well don't put it like that. I'm not fucking twelve anymore, but yes a special liking" he replied in sarcastic tone letting out a very small smile but it was enoughf too make me fell better.
"Well what's her name?"
"Why does it matter to you. So you can embarrass me around her?" He was right I probably would say something but I wasent that mean.
"Mikey I'm your older brother and I know what it's like to like a girl. I would never do that too you"
"Fine. Her names Alicia." He spoke with a very bad poker face, well at lease he tried to play it cool.
I nodded my head knowing exacly who Alecia was. She was a sweet yet daring girl with dirty blond hair and was defiantly an attraction to boys. I could see every guy that walks pass her start drooling and it's funny to watch. She was pretty but nowhere near as gorgeous as Katy. Her curly hair fell down to her waist, her grades where okay. A few As mostly Bs and some Cs. As I lost thought in my brother and her I could feel Mikey playfully hit my arm
"Don't... Don't do that. I know what your thinking" he said with a small smile on his face.
"What!" I joked sharing a few small smiles in return, I could smile a hundred smiles but I still had this empty shallow hole in my heart where Katy is suppost to be. We continued to joke around but mostly it was just me teasing him about his new crush untill a tall man in a white vest approached me.
"Mr and mr way. We need to talk."

Notes

4/16/14
hope you guys are liking it so far! but I don't get any comments so I don't know if you guys are enjoying it... *sad face* so if you guys could rate, comment! and subscribe so I know how I'm doing! That would be really great!