Keep Me Safe from Myself
We Held On 'Till May
I wandered the empty hallways, which seemed miles long due to my tiny stature. The sweet smell of a new bouquet of flowers filled the kitchen, and lingered in the adjacent rooms. My petite hands were stretched in front of me; almost pushing Jess, the sitter, out of the way.
“Slow down, baby girl! They’ll bring her in soon!” She yelled after me and followed me. It didn’t take her long to catch up to me, my tiny feet, no matter how fast they ran, were no match for her long, teenage legs. I climbed on the table and flung my hands towards the tall clear vase, too short to reach it. Dad pulled a red rose out of the bouquet and handed it to me and I shoed it in my face. Roses have always been my favorite, they are so majestic, beautiful. No matter what color they are, their soft scent always curled my soft lips into a smile. I giggled and moved my eyes away from the rose and up towards Mama.
She was standing next to an younger gentleman, dressed in a suit and tie. Blonde hair hung from his head, long for a guy, but not past his ears. In his arms sat a beautiful baby girl. She had a head full of blonde hair, her eyes a piercing red, more red than my ‘Clifford’ plush doll. The young man smiled at me, and Mama picked me up so I was eye level with the small child.
“Hannah, baby. This is your new sister, Blair.” Mama’s sweet voice filled the air, yet there was fear written in her eyes. She forcefully blinked it away, her eyes now connected with the old man’s.
I couldn’t stop giggling. “Bear!!” I squealed, and reached my arms up at the fragile being. My mother sat me back on the tall wooden chair and signaled for the child to be brought to me. He complied, slowly lowering her into my arms. My mother knelt beside me, helping me so I wouldn’t drop her. Her brown curly hair that I’d inherited tangled with my own, flowing over my shoulder.
I kissed the top of her head. “Can we keep her?” I asked Mama sweetly. I heard dad laugh from the other side of the kitchen, as he beckoned the other man to another room. I cooed at the baby along with my mother, and she quickly fell asleep. I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation.
“Her eyes will hide themselves overtime.”
“But you said she wouldn’t-”
“I was wrong. You shall do the same as you did with your firstborn, and bring her to me once all the tell-tale signs have faded away. We’ll block her memories then. You can’t hide them from this forever, though.”
“Hey.. Hannah, honey?” I snapped back to reality in an instant, my whole body relaxing, and almost dropping the baby. Mama snatched her up from my arms, waking her up. She started to cry loudly, almost screech-like. I covered my ears and squinted my eyes, scrunching up my face.
************************************************************************
When my faced relaxed, I opened my eyes again. I was back in our room, the familiar poster-covered walls providing me with the comfort I needed. It was weird- my dreams were always crazy or just plain awful nightmares. I never had any actual memories while I dreamt. It couldn’t have been a memory, just another weird mish-mash my brain had thrown together.
My eyes were drawn to the closet door. Hanging on the door was a tight black dress wrapped around a hanger. I stood up and walked over to it. A note was taped to the plastic hanger ‘Wear this.’ That’s right, Gee wanted a date. It’d been a few days since we’d discussed going out on an official date, but we couldn’t decided of a place to go, and he was still tired from the trip. Not that I minded- I hated dressing up. I laid the dress out on the bed and walked down the hallways to find Gerard.
I walked to the living room. Gerard was sleeping on the recliner, his song book in his lap. Frank and Blaze were cuddled up on the couch, their eyes glued to an old ‘Godzilla’ movie playing on the TV. Frank looked up, and opened his mouth, searching for words.
“Hannah-“ he snapped his fingers a few times, at a loss for words. “Uh.. Right- the guys are coming over for a movie night in a few minutes, so we’re postponing your little play date until tomorrow.”
“Fine with me, enjoy your sleepover, ladies.” He threw a pillow in my direction and I quickly dodged it. It flew past my head and hit an empty can of soda, causing it to fall to the ground. It bounced a few times, catching Gerard’s attention and easing him out of his nap. Me and Frank pointed at each other, each blaming the other for waking him up. Blaze pointed at Gerard, a big smile on her face. He rolled his eyes and smirked, falling back asleep.
The guys were all chilling in the living room, laughing like little kids. Beer bottles were scattered across the floor, some empty, some not. I’d sent Blaze home, she was still only 16 and shouldn’t be around this. Not that Frank and Mikey should be drinking either, but I had no control over them. My own sister though, was a different story. I was proud of Gerard, he was watching over his bandmates and best friends, the only sober one of the group. I sat in Gerard’s lap, completing a very fucked up circle in the living room. It was Mikey’s turn in this game of Truth or Dare gone bad.
“Ok ok ok Frank-eh.” Mikey slurred, drunk off his ass. Poor kid couldn’t hold his liquor. “You daredevil. You- you kiss ‘Annah!” He giggled like a maniac, trying to keep it together.
Gerard tightened his grip around my waist. “The hell he is, Mikey. You know that’s a disaster waiting to happen.” He quickly kissed my cheek. “Something else.”
“Fiiiiiiine.” Mikey dragged on. “Oh! Ok fine, if he can’t kiss Hannah, then kiss Gee!” He fell on his back and rolled around on the floor, laughing non-stop.
“And that’s my cue to leave. You want some coffee, babe?” I stood up and made my way to the doorway, my baggy sweatpants sticking to my legs. I turned up the A/C, it was hot as fuck.
“Yeah, get me the usual if you can. I’m gonna need all the caffeine I can get.” He called out. I turned my head and walked towards through the kitchen. I heard multiple voices chanting ‘Do it! Do it! DO IT DO IT DO IT!’ followed by shouts and squeals of delight. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face, and uttered a few laughs of my own.
I snatched my phone and headphones from the table and turned on my “Mayday Parade” playlist. The new Starbucks was only a few blocks down the road so it didn’t take me long to wander through the dark streets. It was peaceful, relaxing even, with the streetlights as my only company. Car’s sat impatiently in the drive thru and I walked inside.
“Usual, Hannah?” The young man smiled at me, his rotted teeth poking through his thin pink lips. He was a sweet kid, but a little developmentally slow. His eyes were far apart, with round glasses that rested on the brim of his nose. Some sort of chromosomal abnormality, but I never brought it up. He could take your orders and make them without error, though. That’s what really matters.
“You know it, Jimmy. How ya been?” I smiled back at him, pausing my music.
“Pretty good, I got a C on my math test!” He beamed as the blender roared in the background.
“That’s awesome kiddo! Proud of you.”
He finished Gerard’s coffee and handed it to me, I gave him a five dollar bill and told him to keep the change. He grinned again and hugged the money tight. I took a quick sip of Gee’s coffee, grabbed my receipt, and headed out the door. Oh, my feels!
The streetlights were flickering as the door closed behind me, and an eerie feeling consumed the air around me. I tried to shake the feeling with some ‘Bittersweet’, but even Urie’s voice couldn’t soothe me. I took out my ear buds and flipped them over my shoulder, glancing over my shoulder for extra precaution.
Almost there, almost there… I calmed my thoughts. People must be looking at me like I’m fucking insane. I turned the corner onto my street and peered through. Bob was leaning on the oak tree out front, a cigarette in his hand. I waved at him, fighting for his attention. He nodded his head at me, and leaned his head in as if he couldn’t see me. He stood up straight and took his cigarette in his right hand, while beckoning me back home with his left. I picked up me speed so he wouldn’t have to wait long, I’m normally a fast walker anyways. I mean have you ever been stuck in a crowded hallway with people going -12 miles an hour? It’s torture.
He kept waving his hand, urging me to go faster, like “hurry the fuck up” kind of fast. I didn’t understand what the big deal was until I felt a strong tug on my right shoulder. I felt a sharp pressure at my neck as an arm snaked around my waste.
“Oh, my little Cherub, it took me so long to find you. Now take one more step, and I’ll slice your fucking throat.”
“Slow down, baby girl! They’ll bring her in soon!” She yelled after me and followed me. It didn’t take her long to catch up to me, my tiny feet, no matter how fast they ran, were no match for her long, teenage legs. I climbed on the table and flung my hands towards the tall clear vase, too short to reach it. Dad pulled a red rose out of the bouquet and handed it to me and I shoed it in my face. Roses have always been my favorite, they are so majestic, beautiful. No matter what color they are, their soft scent always curled my soft lips into a smile. I giggled and moved my eyes away from the rose and up towards Mama.
She was standing next to an younger gentleman, dressed in a suit and tie. Blonde hair hung from his head, long for a guy, but not past his ears. In his arms sat a beautiful baby girl. She had a head full of blonde hair, her eyes a piercing red, more red than my ‘Clifford’ plush doll. The young man smiled at me, and Mama picked me up so I was eye level with the small child.
“Hannah, baby. This is your new sister, Blair.” Mama’s sweet voice filled the air, yet there was fear written in her eyes. She forcefully blinked it away, her eyes now connected with the old man’s.
I couldn’t stop giggling. “Bear!!” I squealed, and reached my arms up at the fragile being. My mother sat me back on the tall wooden chair and signaled for the child to be brought to me. He complied, slowly lowering her into my arms. My mother knelt beside me, helping me so I wouldn’t drop her. Her brown curly hair that I’d inherited tangled with my own, flowing over my shoulder.
I kissed the top of her head. “Can we keep her?” I asked Mama sweetly. I heard dad laugh from the other side of the kitchen, as he beckoned the other man to another room. I cooed at the baby along with my mother, and she quickly fell asleep. I couldn’t help but overhear their conversation.
“Her eyes will hide themselves overtime.”
“But you said she wouldn’t-”
“I was wrong. You shall do the same as you did with your firstborn, and bring her to me once all the tell-tale signs have faded away. We’ll block her memories then. You can’t hide them from this forever, though.”
“Hey.. Hannah, honey?” I snapped back to reality in an instant, my whole body relaxing, and almost dropping the baby. Mama snatched her up from my arms, waking her up. She started to cry loudly, almost screech-like. I covered my ears and squinted my eyes, scrunching up my face.
************************************************************************
When my faced relaxed, I opened my eyes again. I was back in our room, the familiar poster-covered walls providing me with the comfort I needed. It was weird- my dreams were always crazy or just plain awful nightmares. I never had any actual memories while I dreamt. It couldn’t have been a memory, just another weird mish-mash my brain had thrown together.
My eyes were drawn to the closet door. Hanging on the door was a tight black dress wrapped around a hanger. I stood up and walked over to it. A note was taped to the plastic hanger ‘Wear this.’ That’s right, Gee wanted a date. It’d been a few days since we’d discussed going out on an official date, but we couldn’t decided of a place to go, and he was still tired from the trip. Not that I minded- I hated dressing up. I laid the dress out on the bed and walked down the hallways to find Gerard.
I walked to the living room. Gerard was sleeping on the recliner, his song book in his lap. Frank and Blaze were cuddled up on the couch, their eyes glued to an old ‘Godzilla’ movie playing on the TV. Frank looked up, and opened his mouth, searching for words.
“Hannah-“ he snapped his fingers a few times, at a loss for words. “Uh.. Right- the guys are coming over for a movie night in a few minutes, so we’re postponing your little play date until tomorrow.”
“Fine with me, enjoy your sleepover, ladies.” He threw a pillow in my direction and I quickly dodged it. It flew past my head and hit an empty can of soda, causing it to fall to the ground. It bounced a few times, catching Gerard’s attention and easing him out of his nap. Me and Frank pointed at each other, each blaming the other for waking him up. Blaze pointed at Gerard, a big smile on her face. He rolled his eyes and smirked, falling back asleep.
The guys were all chilling in the living room, laughing like little kids. Beer bottles were scattered across the floor, some empty, some not. I’d sent Blaze home, she was still only 16 and shouldn’t be around this. Not that Frank and Mikey should be drinking either, but I had no control over them. My own sister though, was a different story. I was proud of Gerard, he was watching over his bandmates and best friends, the only sober one of the group. I sat in Gerard’s lap, completing a very fucked up circle in the living room. It was Mikey’s turn in this game of Truth or Dare gone bad.
“Ok ok ok Frank-eh.” Mikey slurred, drunk off his ass. Poor kid couldn’t hold his liquor. “You daredevil. You- you kiss ‘Annah!” He giggled like a maniac, trying to keep it together.
Gerard tightened his grip around my waist. “The hell he is, Mikey. You know that’s a disaster waiting to happen.” He quickly kissed my cheek. “Something else.”
“Fiiiiiiine.” Mikey dragged on. “Oh! Ok fine, if he can’t kiss Hannah, then kiss Gee!” He fell on his back and rolled around on the floor, laughing non-stop.
“And that’s my cue to leave. You want some coffee, babe?” I stood up and made my way to the doorway, my baggy sweatpants sticking to my legs. I turned up the A/C, it was hot as fuck.
“Yeah, get me the usual if you can. I’m gonna need all the caffeine I can get.” He called out. I turned my head and walked towards through the kitchen. I heard multiple voices chanting ‘Do it! Do it! DO IT DO IT DO IT!’ followed by shouts and squeals of delight. I couldn’t keep the smile off my face, and uttered a few laughs of my own.
I snatched my phone and headphones from the table and turned on my “Mayday Parade” playlist. The new Starbucks was only a few blocks down the road so it didn’t take me long to wander through the dark streets. It was peaceful, relaxing even, with the streetlights as my only company. Car’s sat impatiently in the drive thru and I walked inside.
“Usual, Hannah?” The young man smiled at me, his rotted teeth poking through his thin pink lips. He was a sweet kid, but a little developmentally slow. His eyes were far apart, with round glasses that rested on the brim of his nose. Some sort of chromosomal abnormality, but I never brought it up. He could take your orders and make them without error, though. That’s what really matters.
“You know it, Jimmy. How ya been?” I smiled back at him, pausing my music.
“Pretty good, I got a C on my math test!” He beamed as the blender roared in the background.
“That’s awesome kiddo! Proud of you.”
He finished Gerard’s coffee and handed it to me, I gave him a five dollar bill and told him to keep the change. He grinned again and hugged the money tight. I took a quick sip of Gee’s coffee, grabbed my receipt, and headed out the door. Oh, my feels!
The streetlights were flickering as the door closed behind me, and an eerie feeling consumed the air around me. I tried to shake the feeling with some ‘Bittersweet’, but even Urie’s voice couldn’t soothe me. I took out my ear buds and flipped them over my shoulder, glancing over my shoulder for extra precaution.
Almost there, almost there… I calmed my thoughts. People must be looking at me like I’m fucking insane. I turned the corner onto my street and peered through. Bob was leaning on the oak tree out front, a cigarette in his hand. I waved at him, fighting for his attention. He nodded his head at me, and leaned his head in as if he couldn’t see me. He stood up straight and took his cigarette in his right hand, while beckoning me back home with his left. I picked up me speed so he wouldn’t have to wait long, I’m normally a fast walker anyways. I mean have you ever been stuck in a crowded hallway with people going -12 miles an hour? It’s torture.
He kept waving his hand, urging me to go faster, like “hurry the fuck up” kind of fast. I didn’t understand what the big deal was until I felt a strong tug on my right shoulder. I felt a sharp pressure at my neck as an arm snaked around my waste.
“Oh, my little Cherub, it took me so long to find you. Now take one more step, and I’ll slice your fucking throat.”
Notes
Sooooooooo sorry for the delay!! I was going to do one thing, but decided it was too unoriginal in my eyes, so I decided on another storyline that I haven't exactly seen yet. I don't know.
No time to proofread, so If theres some sort of error, please pleASE PLEASE let me know <3
Comment, Rate, Subscribe, Criticize. You know what to do~
Xoxo
-Hazel
@bchemicalromance
zThanks we appriciate it!! :)
7/13/14