Keep Me Safe from Myself

**Hannah POV**

I wanted to tell him I was okay. So fucking bad.

Is this what it felt like? Death? Because I felt absolutely nothing. Everything felt like a buzzing numbness. Wasn’t there supposed to be some sort of light, or fire, as my father would tell me. Because red hair and ear piercings meant I was totally going to Hell. I would always walk out of the house when he brought that topic up. I knew I had my place reserved for me in Hell, but come on, where’s the fire? The torture equipment? Geez, not even a welcome home party? I couldn’t see shit.

I heard footsteps and a soft voice start speaking, to what or who, I’d no idea.

“Yeah, Frank. She’s out of surgery. Well I-I mean she’s been out for a few weeks I guess, but they said she’s ok for visitors now.” The voice paused briefly. “Don’t get pissed at me I just found out myself.” Another pause. “No, don’t bring her in yet.” Again. “I don’t care if she breaks your neck. Don’t. Bring. Her. In. She can’t handle it, not yet. We barely can.. Look, just keep practicing with Mikey, I’ll see you soon.” The voice trailed off, and I didn’t hear it again for what was almost eternity.

I felt soft hands grip mine and lift it off the bed. I tried to move, even a brush from of my fingertip or a twitch of my eyes, but everything just felt numb. Nothing would cooperate. My eyes refused to open, my body rejecting my brains overwhelming urge and demand to just grab him and wrap him in the biggest hug I could ever possibly give someone. My Gerard, my sweet baby Gee.

“Come back to me baby.” He softly murmured, pressing my hand to his head.

I’m here! I’m right fucking here! I tried to screech, but everything I tried to say only came out in a thought bubble. I wanted to scream, to cry, to feel. I wanted to tell him everything.

I wanted to tell him I loved him.

I felt like a turtle in a shell three times its size. No matter how much I tried, I’d never be able to move or let anyone know I was here. I felt a familiar vibration in my ear and gasped internally. I fell into the fetal position in the corner of my mind and cried, and cried, and cried.

I guess this was Hell after all.

**Gerard POV**

“I don’t care if she breaks your neck. Don’t. Bring. Her. In. She can’t handle it, not yet. We barely can.. Look, just keep practicing with Mikey, I’ll see you soon.” I softly spoke in the phone. I’d called Frank to let him know he could visit, but I didn’t want Blaze to go through the whole thing again. All she would do was take one look and fire away into a mental breakdown. Frank would comfort her, and they’d both leave. I wasn’t going to let that happen. Frank had waited just as long as me to see her, he deserved his time with his best friend. A shock of jealousy rushed my body. Just because he needed it just as much as I did, doesn’t mean I had to like every aspect of it.

Mikey took the death of his girlfriend extremely hard, just like anyone would expect from an 18 year old. I couldn’t help him, as much as I tried. He wouldn’t listen to anything I said, not that I could blame him. I’d drowned my problems in bottles of booze for years. He hung out at Frank's most of the time, not wanting to share an empty hotel room with only his thoughts. He'd discharged himself almost a week after he'd heard the news. I told him to stay, he could barely walk for christs sake, but he refused to stay. At least they prescribed him meds. He was seeing a therapist, and Frank had introduced him to music. They would practice on the guitar together, and he was actually a natural with it, thank God.

I sighed and walked to the bedside, pulling up a chair and intertwining my fingers with hers. I softly kissed each one individually. I pressed them into my face and let out a huge breath I didn’t know I was holding.

“Come back to me baby.” I murmured, pressing her hand to my cheek. My phone lit up beside me, another Instagram update flashing the screen. I squeezed her hand and closed my eyes, letting my head fall, waves of emotion and memories flooding my mind.

**Flashback**

She grabbed my phone and quickly typed in the password she’d seen me type in moments before, 3293. I blushed, hoping she wouldn't notice. I swiped at my phone, just barely missing it. She opened up my music and scrolled through the list of illegally downloaded files, then started a new playlist.

“I want this one, and this one, and this one..” She repeated the same three words over and over, clicking away at songs she liked. I peered over her shoulder- She’d selected every single ‘Pierce the Veil’ song I had downloaded, which was like fifteen of them. She clicked done and held the phone in silence. It’d asked her to name the playlist.

“Hmm..” I hummed, and placed my hands over hers, and tapped away on the keyboard, both of us giggling the entire time.

**End Flashback**

I opened my music and clicked my ear buds into my phone. Taking one end of the wires, I stuck one speaker in my ear, the other in hers. I selected the playlist “And This One”, and Pierce the Veil sprang to life. My muscles tensed up, my mind strongly urging me to sing along, and I complied.

I kissed the scars on her skin
I still think you’re beautiful
And I don’t ever wanna lose my best friend
I screamed out ‘God you vulture
Bring her back or take me with her.’

The last verse came out a broken sob, and I finally released my pent up emotions over the last month in the privacy of me, myself and I; scared to death, and praying to God my brother and I wouldn't end up with one more thing in common.

Notes

Sorry for the short chapter. Trying to find ways to tie this story together in a way that it'll flow.
So yeah, we'll miss you Casey <3

Comment, Rate, Subscribe, Criticize. You know what to do~

Xoxo
-Hazel