Some like to sleep, We like to play

Once the waiter has put the plates on the table and walked away I excuse myself from the table and go to the bathroom. I still don't know what I want and as I brace my hands on the edge of the sink and stare at myself in the mirror searching for an answer in the reflection I start to hyperventilate, terrified of the decision I have to now make. I grip the sink tighter as I start to feel light headed and I start to shake all over. I let out a choked off sob as I drop to my knees when I hear the door open and I look over and see Gerard standing there looking concerned. When he sees me he rushes over and picks me up saying "Babe just breathe." He stands there holding me up and breathing deeply with me so I can time my breaths and when it returns to normal he steps away and says "This needs to end now Z. For the sake of your health and the baby's health just make your choice. Whatever you choose I will deal with it." I take a deep breath, thoughts of a life I could have versus thoughts of the life I already have flash through my mind and make my head spin. I open my mouth to tell him I want Frank but then the baby kicks hard and it steals my voice, leaving me breathless. I breathe in and out one more time and in that second I know the choice I have to make. "It's you Gerard. It's always been you, how could it not be? Even though I fucked it all up its you." The grin that spreads across his face looks wide enough to split it as he launches himself at me, wrapping me in his arms and sealing his lips to mine. As we kiss I think about how this is the right choice for my children and the baby growing in my stomach was what decided that for me. When we pull away Gerard cups my face in his hands and says "Are you sure this is what you want?" I nod my head and smile while inside my mind is screaming at me 'no tell him you want Frank.' Gerard smiles wide as he takes my hand in his and leads me back out to our table.

Later that night I lay in bed and Gerard is already asleep. I pick up my phone and reply to Franks text. 'Frank I love you, but I love my children more than anything and I had to make the decision that was best for them. I'm so sorry and I hope you can understand that my children were the only thing stopping me and you and that I need to do whatever benefits them, even if it doesn't make me as happy as it should.' A few moments later my phone buzzes with a new message and when I read it I start to cry. 'I love you more than you will ever know Z. I understand that your children come first and that is just one of the many things that makes you amazing to me. I will never stop loving you and if you ever change your mind I would wait for you, forever. I wish you all the best in life and I hope after time we can be friends again.' I drop the phone as I let the heart breaking sobs overtake me and a sharp pain rips through my stomach and it feels like I just wet myself. I scream out in pain and Gerard sits up next to me and says "What's wrong baby?" I choke out between sobs "I'm in labour." "Fuck babe it's two months early" he rushes out as he jumps out of bed and grabs his phone, calling Trick. Everything happens in a blur and all I can focus on is the pain. I remember being in the car and then being put in a wheelchair and lots of pain and then blackness.

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