Some like to sleep, We like to play

The next day when I'm allowed to go home Gerard and the kids come to pick me up. Riley runs straight over to me and wraps himself around my legs when he sees me and Bandit follows him holding out a piece of paper to me. When I take the paper I see four stick people and one of them has a squiggle on their stomach. "Beautiful picture B" I tell her as I reach down and stroke her hair. She grabs the picture back and starts to point "That's daddy and Riley and mommy and the baby and me." I smile wide as she points to the squiggle when she says the baby. "Good job B. I think this will have to go on the fridge." She smiles and runs over to Gerard jumping into his arms so I lean down and pick up Riley holding him against my hip and kissing his forehead. "Ready to go home?" I ask and he smiles and nods.

Two weeks after we find out the news Gerard comes home from band practice and tells me they are going on tour again. This tour is only eight weeks this time and they are supporting Avenged Seven Fold. They are set to leave in six weeks and I can tell he's really excited about it. I smile and act enthusiastic but deep down I really don't want him to go.
A week after I find out Gerard's going on tour again I'm sitting at the table drinking some tea and thinking when he comes in and rests his hands on my shoulders, gently massaging them when he says "Babe I know you're upset I'm going but I wanna ask you something." I look up at him and wait for him to continue. "Come on tour with me for a while. We'll bring the kids, I'd love for them to see us play like that and we can be together and I can still take care of you. I have to go but I need to know you're ok." I think about it for a few minutes before I say "Only if it's ok with everyone else."

The day before the tour starts we leave Princess with Trick and William and head over to the bus and load our things on. When the rest of the guys get there we all go in and they show us where everything is and our bunks. Bandit and Riley get bottom bunks and I get one in the middle so I can get in and out easily. We head off on the nine hour drive to meet up with the other band where the tour will start. Bandit and Riley are surprisingly well behaved and take well to the travelling. They play with their building blocks with Frank and Mikey on the floor while I lay back on one couch with my feet in Gerard's lap while he rubs them. I lean back and close my eyes enjoying the relaxing feeling of his fingers working my aching feet and soon enough I fall asleep.
When I wake up I am laying in my bunk covered with a blanket. I lay for a few minutes before pulling the blanket back and getting up. I stumble into the back lounge where I can hear giggling coming from and I see Bandit sitting in Franks lap while he reads her a story doing character voices and making Bandit laugh while Gerard is sitting on the floor drawing with Riley. Gerard looks up and smiles when he sees me and says "Hey sleeping beauty. You feeling ok?" I smile back and nod before walking over and sitting next to Frank and Bandit.
The next day when the guys go for sound check I take the kids for a walk around the venue and then around the area. There is a small shopping centre nearby and we have a look around and I buy Bandit and Riley some new sparkly crayons and more paper before we start to walk back. When we get back to where the bus is there is a small group of girls at the fence around the carpark. As we approach them I can hear one of them saying "I can't wait until the show. Gerard is so hot and when he signs later I bet I can talk him into coming home with me." I shake my head as I walk past them to the gate, flashing my pass to the security guard there and walking past him with the kids. "Hey who are you?" I hear one of the girls yell and when I turn back to look they are all looking at me. "I'm Gerard's wife" I say and turn around, walking away with Bandit and Riley hearing the girls exclaiming "Oh my god he really is married." "Aww those must be his kids, they're so fucking cute." "I can't believe he's married, especially to her. She's not very pretty, he could do so much better." I try to not let the last comment get to me but I feel myself start to get more and more upset.
When we get back to the bus Bandit and Riley run straight to Gerard telling him about our walk and what we looked at and I make my way to the bathroom and once the door is closed I stare at myself in the mirror. I stare at my reflection focusing on all the things I hate about myself, everything, until I can't see myself anymore through the tears. I sink to the floor and sob silently into my hands as I feel all the hate I used to have for myself at age seventeen come flooding back and I ache for a razor to press into my skin. I pull myself off the floor and go through a toiletry bag that's been left on the bench looking for a razor or something sharp when there's a knock at the door, startling me. "Babe are you ok? You've been in there for a while" I hear Gerard call out and I wipe at my eyes again as I say "Yeah I'll be out in a sec." I zip up the bag and unlock the door and open it. Gerard is still standing there and when he sees my eyes are swollen he reaches out and touches my face and says "Baby what's wrong?" I look down as I mumble out "Nothing" and push past him and go to my bunk, shutting the curtain and turning my back to it. I hear Gerard sigh a few seconds later before walking past my bunk and back into the lounge. "Where's Z?" I hear Mikey ask and Gerard says "She's not feeling very well so she's having a rest before the show." I don't know if anyone else can tell but I can hear the worry and sadness in his voice and knowing I caused it breaks me again and I start to sob into my pillow.

Notes

Hey guys sorry about the wait between updates : )