I sat on my bed, legs curled underneath me, small orange bottle clasped in my fingers. There were only a few left, but hopefully, it would be enough to just give me that kick that I needed, the one that I couldn't get anywhere else.

So I had told my brother, and my parents, that I wouldn't try to get high anymore, that if I felt empty, then I would go and talk to them, but surely, they can forgive me? I shook my head, rattling the bottle. A knock at the door startled me, forcing the bottle to go crashing to my bed. "Gee?" Mikey asked, his voice filled with sleep.
"Yeah?"
"Can I come in?" He stuttered.
"Yeah." He pushed the door open and came stumbling in. It was then that I realized it wasn't sleep making his voice sound the way it did, but bruises and swelling across his face.
"Who the fuck did this to you?" I asked, reaching out to skim my fingers over his cheek. Mikey flinched back, wincing, as my fingertips caught the edge of a cut.
"It doesn't matter." He paused, his tongue shooting out to wet his lips. "Why were you shouting in your sleep last night?"
"Nightmare now, tell me who the fuck hurt you." I muttered.
"The usual but you can't go and beat them up again Gee, not until you've told me what's wrong at least."
"Look, Mikey, I can't really remember many details, just that there was this figure, I don't know who it was, attacking what I can only assume was a kid. I'm guessing, from the way they were yelling 'please help' that they were a boy. I couldn't get there in time. He died, the end." I paused, blanching at the brutality of my words.
"It wasn't like..." He hesitated.
"No, it wasn't like Bob. It wasn't like bloody murder, it was just murder. I can't describe it." I took a deep breath, my hand automatically searching for the bottle of pills in my covers. "It's like, I can remember his eyes you know? The one thing I could see of his body was his eyes and I just can't shake the image. These hazel, almost green, orbs looking at me with pure terror in them and I just couldn't do anything to help him."
"It's not your fault Gee, it was only a dream. Remember?" Mikey tried to sooth me, his hand on my shoulder.
"I'll be back soon." I muttered, staggering to my feet and slipping on my vans.

I walked towards the park, my hands buried deep in my pockets. I saw the culprits stood around the skate park, laughs emanating from the group. "Did you see the way he ran?" Laughed Tom, the tallest.
"Yeah. You got him good that time." Ben agreed.
"Yeah, I saw." I said loudly as I walked up.
"What the fuck are you doing here? We don't socialize with fags." Tom growled, repulsion on the edge of his features.
"Aww, you used to." I chuckled.
"Yeah, that's before we realized what a fucking disease it was." Tom stepped closer, straightening his shoulders to make himself look taller.
"It's not a disease, you can't choose it!" I shouted, my fists shaking beside me. I raised one, punching Tom in the face. "That's for my brother you homophobic ass." I muttered before walking off, my breathing heavy.

My footsteps echoed off the walls of the underpass, my hands shaking as I kept them buried in my pockets. Tom was my best friend, right up until last year, right up until I told him my deepest, darkest secret, that I liked guys. He instantly turned against me, using my homosexuality as an excuse to beat on both me and my brother. It was stupid, but it was the way he worked, beating things that he didn't understand.

Hurried footsteps echoed off the walls around me, rushed breathing reaching my ears. "Gerard! Stop!" Shouted Ben, his unique voice reaching my ears.
"Fuck off Ben. I don't wanna talk to you!" I yelled, keeping my footsteps even.
"Gerard, listen to me, please." He pleaded, reaching out and grabbing my arm, spinning me until I was facing him. "I'm sorry."
"For what? Tell me that? For being the guy that forced me to accept my sexuality or point blank lying to Tom when he asked why we were making out, telling him I came onto you when it was the other way around? How about beating my little brother? Oh, what about the time you tried to come onto me at a party and then started punching me when you realized what you were doing?"
"For everything, I'm sorry for everything Gerard, I really am." Ben muttered, his eyes on the floor.
"Why can't I believe you? Why can't I believe that you are sorry for any of it?" I tried to wrench my arm free, Ben's grip tightening when he realized I was trying to escape.
"I am though, what do you want me to say?" He asked, his eyes wide.
"Prove it." I answered bluntly. His eyes widened further as he realized I was giving him another chance.

Ben stepped closer, one arm either side of my head, pinning me against the wall. My heart rate sped up, my pulse echoing in my ears as he leant his head down, his lips inches from mine. I looked up at him, my breathing ragged as his lips captured mine. I sagged back against the wall, my lips still pressed to Ben's, my hands reaching up to tangle in his hair. His hips pressed me against the wall, his hands running down my sides.

I let out a moan, my breathing rushed as I pressed deeper into the kiss, allowing Ben's tongue access to my mouth, my grip tightening in his hair as I tasted him, the cigarette smoke overpowering everything else. Ben slid his hand down my front, resting on my belt before he loosened it and slid his hand inside, cupping me gently. I bucked my hips at his touch, forgetting where we were. "Please." I moaned, capturing his lips again.

Ben shook his head softly and pulled his hand free, tightening my belt again. "Not now." He whispered, his hands on my hips. "Class soon." I nodded, pouting slightly before he tugged on my chin, forcing me to look at him. He smiled cheekily before pressing his lips to mine again, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. I groaned, my hands roaming Ben's torso, stroking his muscles through his t-shirt.

The door to the locker room slammed open, Tom's voice echoing out across the room. "What the fuck is going on here?" He yelled, causing Ben to jump back, his face red.
"He came onto me! I tried to stop him." He replied, faking disgust.
"Really?" Tom smirked.
"I...that's...no." I stammered, unable to get the words out. Tom stepped closer, his fists raised.

"No!" I yelled as I pushed Ben away, my shout echoing off the stone walls. "Goddamnit, I'm not falling for that again." I felt a tear roll down my face as I turned and ran.
"Gerard, please, don't go!" Ben pleaded, his voice echoing after me. "I wasn't going to..."
"I don't give a crap Ben." I yelled as I left the underpass, my feet tracing the familiar route home.

---

I ran straight past my mother and up the stairs to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me and collapsing onto my bed. I could feel the tears streaking down my face but I refused to acknowledge them, my hands wrapped around my waist instead of wiping them away. Sobs tore free from my chest, my shoulders heaving as I cried harder than I had in a long time.

Someone knocked at my door impatiently. "Go away!" I yelled, my voice choked with sobs.
"Gerard..." My mom began.
"Just go away!"
"Tell me what's wrong honey, I can't help if you don't tell me." She stated, he forehead hitting the door.
"I don't want help, I just want it to all go away. I just want to..." I began.
"Don't you dare Gerard Arthur Way. Do not tell me you want to die. Not again. I refuse to hear those words come out of your mouth."
"I just want to be normal!" I yelled, changing what I was going to say.
"Honey, you are normal, trust me. Just... open the door Gerard."
"It's not locked." I cried into the pillows.
"Oh honey, what happened?" My mom asked as she sat on the edge of my bed, her hand on my shoulder.
"I'm not normal mom. I'm not and never will be. I'm gay for fucks sake, how is that normal?"
"It is perfectly normal. It's who you are and people that can't accept that need to fuck the hell on out of your life okay?" She muttered. I nodded, turning slightly so I could see her. I lightly brushed my fingers over my kiss swollen lips, crying again as I remembered what Ben did.
"He kissed me." I whispered. "Ben kissed me. He told me he was sorry, I told him to prove it so he kissed me." My mom didn't say anything, just enveloped me in her arms and let me cry.

I sat at my desk, my sketch pad in front of me, the page completely unmarked. A glint of metal caught my eye, refusing to let me avert my gaze. My hand snaked across the desk, my hand landing on my old razor, the one I had hidden from everyone's eyes. I hesitated as I held the cold metal against my wrist, my hand shaking as I thought of what I was going to do. I shook my head and tugged the sleeve of my t-shirt up, uncovering the scarred skin beneath. "You're fat." I muttered, digging the metal into my skin. "You're ugly." I did it again, wincing at the bite of the blade. "You're a fag." I gasped as the warm blood started trickling down my arm. "You're stupid." I growled, digging the blade deeper into my skin. "You're...you're..." My words hitched in my throat. "You're better off dead." I sobbed, cutting a final time before dropping the blade onto my desk, droplets of blood splattering across my sketch pad.

My hand started to go numb, my fingertips tingling. I began to panic, my heart rate increasing, my breathing coming in pants. I climbed to my feet and walked from the room. My feet led me to Mikey's room, standing in the doorway until he noticed me. "Gee?" He asked, thinking I was there to ask to borrow something. That is until his eyes came to rest on the blood dripping down my fingers. "Again?" He asked, sighing as I nodded. "Come here." He said, tugging my shirt sleeve up, wincing slightly as he saw the damage beneath.

"Thank you." I muttered as he tied the final knot in the bandage, gently pulling down my shirt sleeve.
"Why Gee?" He asked as he sat back on his ankles.
"Ben." I sighed, refusing to meet his eyes. Mikey threw a questioning glance my way, telling me to carry on. "I went to tell Tom to stop, I punched him and walked away. I was walking through the underpass and Ben chased me, he grabbed my arm and told me he was sorry. I told him to prove it. He kissed me."
"That prick." Mikey hissed. "I swear to god, he needs to leave you alone."
"I enjoyed it though Mikey. I told myself that I wouldn't let him do it again but I enjoyed it." I muttered, unsure of where the feelings were coming from.
"It's understandable. He was the first guy you liked, just... don't let yourself get hurt." Mikey advised, tugging me in for a hug when I sighed, my breath hitching in my throat as I fought back the tears.

Notes

Have some Gerard's POV....

I'm not gonna update this again unless I get three comments from three different people cuz otherwise I feel like I'm writing this for no-one.....

~Elise-Iero~