Sweet sleep, my dark angel

I threw my phone against the wall opposite and ran my hands through my hair, my breathing ragged as I stared at the floor. First, Gerard runs off without an explanation, second, Mikey refuses to let me see him? There had to be something up, but me being me, I was too chicken to turn up and ask.

A knock at my door caused my head to shoot up, stabbing pains jarring my neck. "Yeah?" I asked, struggling to keep the annoyance out of my voice.
"Frank, what's wrong?" James asked, his face filled with concern. "We heard you throw something."
"Just my phone, and yeah, I guess...." I sighed as I bent to pick up my phone, replacing the back before sliding it into my pocket. James looked at me, his eyebrow cocked, his arms folded over his chest. His toe tapped quietly on the wooden floor whilst he waited for an answer. "Fine!" I groaned. "They won't let me see Gerard."
"Why does that bother you?" James asked, curiosity making him breach my barrier.
"Because it does... I never had anyone back home and now I have all these people and he just means so much to me and I think I'm falling in love with him...." I ranted, grateful that my words blurred into one towards the end. "I just... I wanna know he's okay."
"I'm sure he is Frank. Maybe he's just sick and they don't want you to catch it? I'm sure that's what it is." James said, his aim to calm me. I sighed, but nodded, deciding that I would have to make do with that explanation until I got something better.

I span my fork in the pasta, holding the spaghetti above the plate and staring at it, captivated with the way the sauce dripped off each strand and landed on the plate. John was talking to James about some business deal and I was dreaming, my mind wandering over the last time I had a proper family meal before I moved here. It sucked, my dad was drunk, my mom tired and my little brother almost asleep in his dinner. Even though it sucked, it was still special, it still meant the world to me.

"Can I go see Tim after dinner?" I asked, my head shooting up when the room fell silent.
"Hun, we were going to talk to you about that." John said, his voice low, his words carefully chosen.
"About what? I promised him I would visit." I replied curtly.
"We know, and we know you can't break that promise, but things are probably still not feeling comfortable with you which means it might not be the best idea." John responded.
"And what? I can still go and see him. He looked up to me and I'm not going to break a promise. I said I would visit, just please... don't make me go against your wishes..." I muttered, my voice shrinking at the end.
"Frank, give it another couple of days. I promise, you can see him soon." John said, his face serious.
"Fine." I snapped as my fork clattered to the plate and my chair screeched across the kitchen floor. "I'll be in my room."

"He's missing, Frank." James muttered just as I left the room. I froze, my heartbeat pounding in my ears, my breathing the only sound I could hear. I turned slowly, my head spinning as I leant against the wall.
"What?" I muttered, my voice hoarse. "What did you say?"
"Tim went missing last night. He said at dinner that he needed to get something from the store, he never came back." James explained as he climbed from he chair and stood beside me, his hand on my shoulder.
"He's five for crying out loud! Who in their right fucking mind would let him go to the store on his own?" I yelled, the rage causing my body to shake uncontrollably. "Who the hell?" I raged, silent tears streaming down my face.

I slid down the wall, landing on the floor with a quiet thud. "Who? How could they?" I asked, looking at James through my tear filled eyes.
"Frank, their looking for him. They told us they are doing all they can. They promised they would keep us updated." I sobbed, unsure what to say next. I staggered to my feet and reached for my shoes. I slipped them onto my feet and tugged the front door open, picking a direction and running. "Frank!" James called, his voice echoing in the strangely silent street.

"Frank, running away isn't the answer." Yelled my dad. "Please, just... come back? Liam needs you, your mom needs you." He paused. "I need you."

I ignored my dad's pleas and ran, my feet pounding against the hot tarmac. My breathing was coming in gasps, my heart thudding against my ribcage. My mind refused to process my surroundings, the constant thump of my footsteps the only familiar sound in the growing darkness.

Cars screamed past, horns honking as I crossed the street without looking, my hands thrown up in apology in case I scared one of them. When I came to the park, I slid down the wall surrounding the enclosure, curling my arms around my legs and resting my chin on them, sighing as I closed my eyes and calmed myself down, tears streaking my face.

A shudder worked its way around my shoulders, the damp air making my t-shirt stick to my back. My chin dug into my forearms, causing my fingers to go numb, but I didn't care, not while Tim was missing, his fear filling every space left in my brain. A sob forced itself free from my throat, a dog walker looking up in surprise. I glared at him, warning him to keep his distance before I staggered to my feet and felt for my phone in my pocket.

To: James
From: Frank
Message: I'm safe, I just need some space. Sorry for running. I didn't know what else to do.

To: Frank
From: James
Message: Come home when you're ready. I'll be here for you to talk to, remember that, okay?

To: James
From: Frank
Message: Thanks. Apologise to John for me? I didn't mean to snap.

I slid my phone back into my pocket and shoved my hands deep in them, relishing the small amount of warmth it gave me. My feet began leading me in the direction of my old house, the one I lived in when I still lived with my parents.

It felt strange being back in the same town, but I guess it was good for me, it gave me the chance to finally heal, to put my past to rest. I stepped over the street, my feet refusing to step past the creaking gate, my eyes flashing to the condemned sign hanging from the porch. It seemed that no-one had wanted to buy it since my family was murdered, since I came out as a scared little boy, blood mingling with the tears streaking down my face.

The police had to wrench Liam from my arms. I had refused to give him up, scared that he would be lonely when he woke, even though I knew he was gone, and that he wasn't going to come back. The front door squealed through the silence as I pushed it open, my eyes just making out the faded coppery blood stains on the carpet.

My feet led me up the stairs, my shoes scuffing at the blood stains. Inside my bedroom were all the familiar things, the soft toys, the old train set Liam used to bring in, the one I would insult in the middle of the night when I stood on the tiny carriages. My clothes were still heaped in the corner, dust covering every surface I could reach. A guitar case was leant against the corner, probably still containing the guitar it was originally brought for.

I hesitated outside my mom and dad's room, not sure if I wanted to go in or not, whether the memories would be too much for me. Even still, I pushed the door open and gazed upon the bed, the sheets they were laying on missing. My moms perfume bottles were still lined up on the mantelpiece, my dads work clothes hung over the back of the rocking chair. My eyes lingered on the cupboard, my feet refusing to budge when I tried to step forwards, to see the cocoon me and Liam buried ourselves in as I held his dying form.

Instead, they pushed me backwards, away from the room and towards the only closed door in the house. I knew Liam's room was behind it, but I still hesitated, unsure of whether I wanted to look or not.

Something forced me to push it open, tears falling freely down my face as I observed the state it was in. I smiled softly when I spotted a half finished picture laying on his table, the crayons strewn haphazardly on the carpet.

Stepping carefully over them all, I wandered over to the bed, hesitating for a second before sitting down and picking up his teddy, one ear chewed almost off. He used to chew it when he had a nightmare, it calmed him down just enough for him to come and climb into bed with me, took away the fear just long enough for him to scamper down the corridor and push my door open.

I lay down, my head buried in Liam's pillow, a tear dropping onto the fabric as I breathed in his familiar talcum powder smell, still so fresh after all these years. "I'm sorry." I muttered with my eyes closed. "I am so sorry I couldn't save you Loopy, I am so goddamn sorry!"

"It's not your fault Fwankie. You tried." Liam muttered, his face obscured by shadows.
"But I wasn't quick enough." I protested.
"I know Fwankie, but you twied. I died happy Fwankie." He whispered as he stepped into the light, blood streaking his innocent face.
"I miss you Loopy." I sobbed, sitting up and opening my arms for him to come closer. "I miss you so much."

Liam stepped closer, his arms outstretched to me, the blood dripping from him in trickles, growing until they became a river. "I know you tried, but it just wasn't enough now was it?" He laughed. "He still died!" Liam yelled, his face morphing into something else, the flesh dripping from his skin, his eyes melting from the sockets. "Your little brother still died. It's your fault Frank! If you hadn't have run, they would still be here. YOU killed them Frank, remember that!" His skeletal jaw yelled, the bony fingers reaching out, wrapping around my throat, tightening, choking, killing.

Notes