Gerard slid out from underneath Frank, pulled the blankets over his shoulders and left the room. Mikey's head shot up as he walked into his room, unspoken questions written in his eyes. Gerard shook his head before sitting down, his head on the table in front of him. "He's not okay." Gerard whispered. "We should have kept a closer eye on him, stopped him from leaving. I should have been a better leader."
"Gee, it's not your fault. It will never be your fault." Mikey muttered, keeping his voice low so no-one else could hear him. "Frank kept fighting after Jamia died for you. He would never blame what happened on you because you're the reason he's still alive."
"How do you know that?" Gerard asked, doubting that even a word of what his brother said was true.
"Because he told me." Mikey stated. "He told me when he came back that he was fighting for you. If you don't believe me, look at the scars on his wrists. They'll tell you everything you need to know."
"He hurt himself?" Gerard whispered, climbing to his feet. "Why the fuck didn't I know about this?" Gerard raised his voice, Ray and Missile Kid turning to face the brothers.
"Because he didn't want you to hate him." Ray explained, giving Missile a look which caused her to nod and run off.
"I wouldn't hate him... I would have... I..." Gerard turned to face Ray. "Why didn't he want me to hate him?" Gerard raised an eyebrow.
"I don't know, but that's what he told us."

Ray went silent, his eyes moving to the door to the bedrooms. "Thanks for keeping my secret." Frank snapped before he marched through the group and out of the diner. Everyone looked at Gerard, expecting him to do something, sighing in frustration when he just sat down, his head in his hands.
"Go after him then." Ray stated, his arms folded over his chest as he glared at Gerard.
"Why should I? He'll hate all of us."
"He could never hate you Gee, never." Mikey muttered. "Go after him or you are losing him forever because he won't fight anymore Gerard. Trust me on that."

Gerard stepped outside the diner, his hand shielding his eyes from the sun as he looked for Frank, a sigh of relief leaving his lips when he saw him sat on a rock the other side of the car. He didn't turn as Gerard walked over, the sobs shaking his body echoing around the desert. Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank, placing his head in the crook of his neck. He breathed in Frank's unique smell, a tear leaking from his eyes as he realized how broken Frank really was. "Don't give up. I don't want to lose you Frankie."
"I have to Gee." Frank whispered, his hand on Gerard's, right above his heart.
"No you don't. I'm here for you Frank, I always will be. I'm never going to let you go."
"But you won't always be here Gee, not how I want you." Frank paused. "Not how I need you."

Frank freed himself from Gerard's grasp and turned around. "I'm not going to be able to keep fighting Gee. Not now."
"Frank, don't do anything stupid. Please? I need you. I can't lose you. I lose everyone I care about. It's you and Mikey. That's all I have left. Don't leave me." Gerard pleaded, a hand on Frank's cheek.
"Gerard." Frank whispered as he leant forwards, his forehead on Gerard's. "I can't keep going anymore. I'm sorry Gee. I really am." Gerard hesitated a second before leaning forwards, closing the gap between his and Frank's lips. He tangled his hands in Frank's hair, pulling him closer as Frank placed a hand on Gerard's hip, the other behind his neck.
"Please?" Gerard pleaded as he broke the kiss. "Please keep fighting?"
"I'm sorry." Frank whispered before he climbed to his feet. "I really wish I could."

Beth stood in the doorway to the diner, her eyes on Gerard as he watched after Frank, his fingers reaching up to brush his lips. She felt her heart break as she watched him, longing after someone who would only fail him. "What the fuck was that?" She shouted as she stormed up to him, forcing Gerard to face her.
"What was what?" He asked.
"You sticking your tongue down his fucking throat! Why? Why the hell would you turn me down for him?" Beth yelled, her face going red. "I can't fucking believe you Gerard! I can give you the family you've always wanted and you turn me down for him? He's broken. He's never going to love you back!"
"I don't need him to love me back just so long as he knows how I feel!" Gerard yelled back. "And if you'd been through what I've been through, you wouldn't want a fucking family, Beth. Not when you've seen your wife and daughter shot dead! You wouldn't want anyone else that can get hurt, not when you barely coped the first time."
"You're a dad?" Beth asked incredulously.
"Was, Beth, was. I watched my wife and my little girl die because Korse is a heartless asshole. I had to watch them die because he knew I would never get there in time and I have to live with that guilt every day. So no, I don't want him to love me back because I can't lose him!" Gerard shouted before turning away from her, tears streaking down his cheeks.

"Gee." Beth whispered, her hand on his shoulder. "Gee, look at me." When he didn't turn, she sighed, tears fighting to break free. "I know how it feels, losing someone you care about."
"Everyone does." Gerard muttered. "Why do you think I distance myself, treat my brother like an ass, pretend to hate Ray and ignore Frank when he needs me the most? Because then it won't hurt that much when everyone get's ripped away from me."
"They won't Gerard. They won't get ripped away." Beth said.
"Gerard, get your ass here now!" Yelled Mikey. Gerard's head snapped up, turning to face his brother, taking in the worried look on his face.

"What's wrong?" Gerard asked as he slid to a stop inside the diner.
"Missile, Frank... I don't know." Mikey ranted.
"What happened? Tell me goddamnit?"
"Frank found Missile. She was bleeding. She hurt herself." Mikey managed to get out.
"What the hell?" Gerard yelled as he stormed towards Dr D's room. "What happened?" He yelled, glaring at Frank.
"I was gonna go bed. I found her bleeding. I don't know what happened." Frank tried to explain.
"You should have got there sooner!" Gerard yelled.
"I would have if you hadn't fucking kissed me." Frank responded, glaring at Gerard. "So don't fucking blame this on me. You're the one that kept me outside, so it's not my fault. It's yours." Frank stalked out of the room, glaring at Gerard when he reached for his arm. "Keep your hands off me." He hissed.

---

Mikey looked at his brother, sighing when he refused to look up. "Why the fuck would you do that Gerard? You know he's not in the best of places right now."
"Because I didn't think Mikey." Gerard replied, his forehead on the table in front of him. "Because I just wanted to know what it felt like."
"Well, now you know." Mikey said.
"Look. It's not that fucking simple. Yes, I know how it feels, but I want more. One kiss isn't gonna satisfy me Mikey. I need more." Gerard explained, emotion filling his voice. "I just want to hold him and make everything okay but he hates me."
"Frank doesn't hate you." Ray said as he walked past. "That kiss probably just fucked with his head."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence Ray." Gerard muttered sarcastically.
"Look, all I'm saying is tell him how you feel and see if he feels the same." Ray shrugged, handing an opened can of Power Pup to each of the killjoys.
"He kissed me back." Gerard whispered as he dug his spoon into the horrible food. "He didn't push me away or hit me. He kissed me back."

"Gerard." Frank whispered from the other end of the room, his eyes piercing as he looked at the group.
"What?" He snapped.
"Missile's awake." Frank said before turning and walking away, fighting back the tears that were threatening to break free.
"Frank, wait!" Gerard yelled as he chased him down the hallway.
"What the fuck do you want?" Frank snarled. "I don't want my feelings fucked with anymore."
"I don't want to fuck with your feelings. I didn't mean to. I just...I wanted to know what it felt like. I've dreamt of doing it for ages and you went missing and I realized how much you meant to me. I can't lose you Frankie." Gerard pleaded.
"It's too fucking late Gerard. Today is it. Today is the fucking day that I die because I'm fed up of everything. I get my heart broken every day. I was fucking violated and I have to live with that every day. I have to live with the guilt of getting Jamia and Christa killed. I have to live with the fact that I never got to see my baby and that hurts. You know what else hurts? Being in love. It hurts and all you want to do is stop it because all it leads to is heartbreak and sleepless night and tears." Frank fought to hold back a sob, his eyes filling with tears. "I'm sorry Gerard, but I can't keep fighting anymore."
"Please Frank. I lo..." Gerard began.
"Don't say it Gerard. I'm not worth it." Frank whispered before he walked into the sleeping quarters, the door swinging shut as soon as he was out of sight.

---

Frank held the blade against his wrists, hovering over previous scars when the door slammed open, Damon's shadow filling the rectangle of light. "Don't you fucking dare." Damon hissed as he closed the door behind him. "Not again. I'm not stitching you up again Frank."
"You don't have to Damon." Frank whispered. "This is it."
"No. You're not going to kill yourself Frank. Not now, not ever." Damon snapped, gently taking the knife from Frank's hand. "I'm not going to let it happen because you are important. Everyone needs you even if it doesn't feel like it. You have to keep fighting because we need to kill Korse and free everyone. We need to end this and we can't, won't, do it without you."
"Why do you need me? I'm fucked up. I fuck everything up. I get people killed and I fall in love. That is a weakness that no-one needs."
"You're allowed to fall in love Frank. Everyone is. Just promise me you won't hurt yourself?"
"I can't promise Damon. I'm sorry." Frank whispered as he lay down and pulled the covers over his head, signalling the end of the conversation.

---

"You're an asshole!" Damon yelled, his face inches from Gerard's. "You really are!" Gerard stared at Damon, unflinching. "I stopped him killing himself just now and you can't even say anything. What would you have done if he succeeded? Would you pretend he means nothing to you? Would you pretend that it wasn't your fault? That you fucking with his head hasn't hurt him more than you can imagine?"
"Damon." Mikey said, his tone strong. "Stop it. He's beating himself up enough, he doesn't need your help."
"Damn right he need's my help. He needs to realize how much he is fucking up! Frank tried to kill himself Gerard, get that through your fucking head and we might be able to get somewhere. Until you do? This is all just going to go to shit. We are going to fail." Damon hissed the last sentence.
"Fuck off." Snapped Gerard. "Just fuck off. You don't have to tell me it's my fault because I know it is. If I had just kept what I was feeling to myself then this wouldn't be happening. Frank wouldn't be broken, Ray wouldn't think I hate him, Beth wouldn't hate me, Mikey would still be my little brother. It's my fault. I know that. I accept that. You don't need to rub it in." Gerard climbed to his feet and punched Damon. "Don't ever make me feel worthless because I know I am. I know I am failing everyone and it hurts. It hurts that, one day, everyone is going to leave and it's going to be my fault. I can't wait till this is over because I can leave. I'll have nothing holding me back. I can finally be with Bandit and Lyn-z because, believe me Damon, as soon as we kill Korse, I'm putting a bullet through my own skull."

Notes

Let me know what you think otherwise I won't be carry this on. I kinda feel like I'm writing this for no-one and it sucks.