Surrender The Night

My eyes grew wide. It was Gerard. He was standing about ten feet from me and Mikey. I was horrified. I liked Gerard, more than a friend. But Mikey kissed me. He was my best friend, and no, I didn't kiss him back. But I also didn't want to hurt him.
"What's wrong?" Mikey asked as he turned around. "Oh... hey Gerard... we were just uh-"
"Save it, I should've just left you guys to your business, sorry." He said, the hurt in his eyes was killing me. "Meet me upstairs yeah Mikes? I needa talk to you." He said, more calmly.
"Uh, sure." Mikey responded and followed Gerard up the stairs.
I
leaned against the wall and slid down bringing my knees up to my chest. I set my head down on them and soon tears were falling from my face. My best friend just kissed me. Mikey fucking Way just fucking kissed me. I couldn't process, I needed to get out of here, my house was right across the back fence, I can easily climb out of the basement window, through the backyard, and into my own. But that would hurt Mikey. On the other hand, staying here would prove that I like him back and hurt Gerard even more than I already have. Mikey would hate me if I leave. Gerard would hate me if I stay. I couldn't handle this. I wrote a note to both Mikey and Gerard and climbed out the window.

I quickly ran across their backyard, hoping no one sees me, and jumped the fence to my back yard. I climbed the tree next to my bedroom window and jumped in. My room was dark. I liked it like that a lot. It was covered in posters and pictures, even some drawings that Gerard had given me. My guitar Pansy was in her case in the corner. I went up to her and opened the case. I didn't pick her up though. I had something else that relieved pain in her case too. My blades. Well, technically only one blade, and about five safety pins and needles. I wasn't a big fan of the rather over-rated pencil sharpener blade. As the kids would say, they were too "mainstream" I liked to be different, more than that I liked to watch my skin tear, not just get sliced. Plus, I can go deep without bleeding as much as I would using a blade. I didn't really like the blood part, It reminds me that I'm alive and this isn't all just a bad dream.

I got out the sharpest safety pin I had and pressed the point to my ankle. Once I got deep enough, I started to scratch. I could feel my skin tearing from under the point of the safety pin as I scratched harder and harder, more pain emitting from each movement. When the pain stopped and numbness replaced, I moved on to the next spot of relatively clean skin. And the next. And the next. And the next.

By the time I was done, I had six new scratches, red and on the peak of bleeding. I quickly got a tissue from my nightstand, tore it, folded it, pressed it to the bleeding area, covered it up with my sock and slipped my Vans high tops back on.

Suddenly, I heard a tap on my window. I put my instruments back into the guitar case (including Pansy) and set it back down in the corner.

It was Gerard. My heart broke as I could see his red puffy eyes from most likely crying. I've never seen Gerard cry. He was always the strong one. And I made him snap.

Notes

Title: I Don't Wanna Be In Love; Good Charlotte
\\
HI DON'T BE CONCERNED
~BLI