Lock the door

Gerard P.O.V

I sang softly under my breath as I got out of the car, SP still singing through my blood even though the stereo was off.

The world is a vampire, sent to drain
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames
And what do I get, for my pain?
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game

A little chill passed through me as I began to unlock the door, struggling with my keys. There was a sharp smell in the air. If scents had edges, this one was a razor blade. It was probably going to snow. On some days in early winter, you could tell when snow was coming just by that strange quality of the air. It took my breath away whenever I stopped to think about the metaphor of it. I was kinda crazy for metaphors.

Even though I know - I suppose I'll show
All my cool and cold - like old job

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

Out of the wind with the door safely closed behind me, it was peaceful. Being a senior who had already gotten into an art college was useful. No one was really bothered about me skipping, and so long as I kept my GPA up I was fine. I hadn’t talked to Frank about me going to college, he’s got enough shit to deal with, what with his mom in and out of jail. I stopped humming, reveling in the quiet. The house is empty - right?

Now I’m naked, nothing but an animal

There was a weird snuffly noise coming from upstairs. I started up the steps. It was probably an open window. But mom would kill me if I left that open. As I got the closer though, it sounded human. Oh fuck. Bathroom? No. Spare bedroom. I knew Frank would be there even before I opened the door.

But can you fake it, for just one more show?
And what do you want?
I want to change
And what have you got, when you feel the same?

Midday light illuminated a small curled up body. Frank was holding himself and rocking back and forth, soft cries muffled by already soaked jacket sleeves. I was relieved, there was no blood, no knives and no notes. But somehow that made it almost worse. Kneeling slowly, I edged closer.
“Frank?”
A tiny, breathy sound escaped his lips. Like a dying animal. Scraped knees covered by ripped jeans were held by wiry, black jacketed arms. I laid a hand on his shoulder, gently, feeling like I’d scare him off.
“Hey, darling, what’s wrong?”
He hugged his knees tighter, eyes hidden behind tumbled locks. I settled myself in front of him, leaning closer and pulling his arms apart. He hardly even tried to resist, but he still didn’t react. A trickle of blood ran down his chin.
“Frank!?”
He opened his mouth as if to speak, but instead blood flowed out. Calm. I have to stay calm. I crouched lower and carefully opened his jaw. He made no protest and his eyes were vacant even though he was conscious.
“Jesus motherfucking bloody christ.”
His tongue looked as if he’d tried to bite it off. Several times. And it didn’t even seem purposeful, like he wasn’t trying to kill himself. He’d just had too many emotions. I pulled him into an embrace.
“Oh god, Frank.”

Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage

--X--

I’d stopped the bleeding by gently shoving a towel in his mouth. He hardly fucking blinked. It was scary, over the past few weeks I’d gotten used to him talking more, moving his hands more. Now he just sat there and blanked it all out. It really really hurts, to see someone like that. Just a burned out lightbulb where a person used to be. I gnawed on my thumb, anxiously. I’m not violent (I swear), but I felt like punching something. Hard. And preferably that something would be whatever did this to Frank.
Mikey?
He’s in school, but he always checks his phone. Just in case it’s a chick.
Wat G?
Frnks not gd
There was a moment of silence, then the phone buzzed again.
B right there
I sighed and dropped the phone. I'm stupid and useless, having to rely on my baby brother in a crisis godammit. No wonder I couldn't help Frank more. Roughly I shoved the hair out of my eyes, it never actually stayed back, but who fucking cares? Well actually I did care, it was annoying as hell. But that's beside the point. Frank didn't care. Frank was broken, and I needed to fix that. I needed to stay on task. Okay.
...
Fuck this.
I put both hands on his shoulders, my nose almost touching his. Normally he would be grinning as he leaned up towards me, invisible tail wagging maniacally. Unless he was distracted of course. When he was talking about Princess Leia he missed all the cues and it took something pretty damn close to a handjob to grab his attention again. I wanted that Frank back.

I wanted the fucking Frank that wrote notes but never committed suicide. I don't like not getting what I want.

I fucking love you Frank.

Notes

OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T UPDATED FOR 12 DAYS I'M SO SORRY REALLY REALLY SORRY
This is short, I've got a bunch written actually, I just haven't looked over it yet. :/
THANKS FOR READING
everyone knows who princess leia is, right?
oh, and the song is bullet with butterfly wings by the smashing pumpkins. I was watching the welcome to the black parade behind the scenes and the song was mentioned and yeah.