I stood in front of the weathered headstone, my hands in my pockets as my eyes wandered over the name engraved, tears fighting to break free. "I miss you." I whispered, crouching down to rearrange the flowers in front of the grave. "I really do." I sighed and climbed back to my feet, brushing the snow from my knees as I gazed down on the headstone one last time, a lonely tear rolling down my face. I turned and walked away from the graveyard, my footsteps crunching through the frozen layer of snow, my hands shaking as I reached out to unlock my car. Once inside, I allowed myself to cry, hunching over until my head was on the steering wheel, my back shaking as sobs broke free. "Damn you! Why the hell did you die?" I shouted. beating my fists on the steering wheel, my heart pounding as I sobbed. "Why?" My voice became hoarse as I sobbed, shouting obscenities into the air in hope that it would bring her back. "Why?" I whispered, ignoring my phone as it rang, the noise getting louder and louder until I could no longer ignore it. "What the fuck do you want?" I shouted as I held the device to my ear.
"Frankie." The female voice said on the other end.
"Jamia?" I asked, my voice hoarse. "It can't be you. You're dead, I watched you die."
"Frankie, please, listen to me. I'm not here right now, this is your mind trying to heal. You need to understand that I love you. I want you to be happy and to move on. I know its going to hurt, I know it will, believe me, but you have to do it, for me. I didn't want to go Frankie, but I did, so it was my time but you can't hold on, you have to keep fighting Frankie, you have to keep going." She paused, taking a deep breath. "Frankie, I love you."
"Jamia, why did you go? Why did you leave me? Baby, tell me." I pleaded, the tears streaming down my face blurring my vision.
"I had to Frankie. Please, don't worry about why I left you. If you are going to remember me, remember the good times we had, the happy moments, not the bad. Don't remember me dying." She sounded sad, her voice echoing with longing. "Frankie?"
"I want to join you Jamia, I want to be able to hold you again, to kiss you...to hold you close." I muttered, pain echoing in every word I said.
"Please don't Frank. You can't end your life, you mean far too much to me to do that. I don't want you to go through what I did, not when you can avoid it, not when you can live longer. Just keep fighting Frankie, please?" Jamia pleaded, the phone line crackling. "Look Frankie, my time is running out, just remember, I love you baby, I always will."
"I love you Jamia." I muttered but she was already gone. I pulled my knees up to meet my chest, resting my head on them as the tears streamed down my face.

---

A knock on my window caused my head to snap up, my eyes stinging from the crying, my back sore from the length of time without moving. The person knocked again, tapping on the window until I unlocked the door, leaning back on my knees as a cold gust of wind entered the car. "Oh Frankie." Sighed Mikey, sitting down next to me and wrapping his arms around my shoulders. "I've got ya." He whispered as he let me cry, closing the door behind him.
"She's gone Mikey. She's gone forever." I sobbed.
"It's okay Frank. I know." He muttered. "It's okay."
"It isn't Mikey. I never told her how much she meant to me. Jamia is dead Mikey! I have lost her forever." I cried, pounding my fists onto the steering wheel. "I want to die." I whispered, my voice hoarse. "I want to die Mikey."
"No Frank! Look at me. You are not allowed to think that. Jamia loved you and she would not want you to give up. She would want you to keep fighting. You need to keep going Frankie, there are people out there that love you and would miss you if you died so please goddamnit, don't kill yourself. Not now, not ever." Mikey pleaded, his hands either side of my face as he forced me to look at him.
"I need to Mikey. I can't do this, not without her. Not anymore. I just.... I just can't do it. Don't make me do it Mikey." I sobbed, my voice breaking as I held onto what little hope I had left.
"Frank, you can do this. You are a lot stronger than you think. You are allowed to hurt, of course you are. It's all a part of the healing process. Just don't ever think that you should kill yourself, never ever think that." Mikey whispered as he wiped away the tears streaking my cheeks.
"I miss her Mikey. Why did she have to die? Why wasn't I five seconds quicker? I could have saved her Mikey. I should have died, not her." I pulled myself away from Mikey and opened the car door, sliding out and tugging my jacket tighter around me.

My footsteps were almost silent as the snow came down heavier than before, preventing me from seeing more than half a metre in front of me. I didn't know where I was walking, just that I needed a break from Mikey trying to tell me I was worth it. The wind was howling in my ears, my body shaking from the cold. My feet were leading me in a random direction, my breathing visible in front of me as I walked away from the car, Mikey's voice ringing out through the storm. "Go away!" I shouted, my voice echoing in the silence. "I just want to be left alone." I whispered.

My left foot skidded out from underneath me, a strangled cry escaping my lips as I landed on the ice, a quiet cracking sound coming from beneath me. I rolled onto my front, my breathing heavy as I tried to drag myself to the shore, the chill of the ice running in waves down my body. "Mikey!" I shouted, my body tensing when the cracking got louder.
"Frank! Where are you?" He shouted back, his voice closer.
"On the lake!" I replied, my voice shaking as I felt the ice move. "Help me Mikey!" I shouted, my voice hoarse as I tried to move closer to the shore, failing as water began lapping at my ankles. "Mikey, save me." I sobbed as the ice broke, plunging me into the freezing water. I took a deep breath, pressing my lips together as I became fully submerged, the world above me covered in an icy sheen as the water in my coat dragged me down, my lungs straining for air.
Frank, hold on baby, keep holding on.
I can't. I thought, my eyes facing the sky
Come on baby, please, keep fighting.
I'm sorry Jamia. I thought as my lungs began to burst, my mouth opening and forcing out the air trapped within, inhaling water as I continued to sink. I watched my breath float to the surface in bubbles, my vision going blurry as I saw Mikey plunge into the water, swimming towards me.
Please Frankie, you can't die. Jamia called in my mind I felt Mikey grab my wrist as my eyes drifted closed my world black.

---

I opened my eyes, the stars bright in the otherwise black world. Jamia was stood at the end of the path, her eyes wide as she looked at me, her feet moving as she ran towards me. "Frankie!" She called, sadness in her voice. "What are you doing here?"
"I fell baby. On the ice. I couldn't keep fighting Jamia. I'm sorry." I replied as I enveloped her in a hug, her arms tight around my waist.
"Don't apologise Frankie, it means it was your time. It means we can be together again." I smiled as I leant down and pressed my lips to hers.
"I will always love you Jamia, in life and in death."

Notes

SO uh, yeah...... not a happy valentines day update but hey ho.....


happy valentines day I guess <3