Pay the price

"Frank they're here." Jamia said knocking lightly on my door.

"I don't want to go."

"Okay well either go see them or you can go spend your day in quiet time with everyone else." She said raising her eyebrows. "Now which one do you want?"

"Fine I'm going, but can't I put on my own clothes instead of a hospital gown just for the meeting?" I asked.

"Frank your on suicide watch do you really think that I'm going to give you clothes that you could use to harm yourself?"

"Ill end up killing myself with my hands if I have too." I mumbled to myself as I walked out of my room and down the hall.

"Excuse me?"

"What?" I groaned back at her

"What did you say?" Jamia said seriously. Right now i wished I would've just kept my mouth shut.

"Nothing I didn't say anything!" I said over dramatically as I sat down in front of the window.

I felt a hand wrap around my wrist and Jamia ripped me out of my seat before I even had a chance to look at mikey or gerard.

she stood me up and began whisper yelling in my face. "What. Did. You. Just. Say."

"Nothing!" I yelled again.

"Bullshit frank! Tell me now or I will leave you in your room all day and lock it"

"I said ill end up killing myself with my hands if I have to..." I admitted quietly,

"was that a true statement?" She asked staring straight into my eyes.

"Jamia really right now? Can't they hear us?" I asked quietly nodding backwards toward where the window was.

"yes they can hear us 100% now answer me. Was what you said a threat to yourself?"

"No it was just an over reaction!" I said hoping she'd believe me.

"Alright I'll let you talk now but I'll be back to give you pills for your little mood swing soon." She said sternly and then left.

I slowly turned around to see both gerard and mikey staring at me. I sat down on the stool in front of the window.
"Hi."

"Really all you have to say is hi right now?! Do you realize how worried we've been!" Mikey yelled.

Him yelling struck a nerve inside me. "You're a fucking two faced cunt! do you really want me to believe that your my friend?"

"What are you talking about?" Gerard said jumping into the conversation.

I remained silent and just glared at mikey. "Nothing gee." Mikey replied sternly.

"mikes why don't you give me and frank a minute to talk?" Gee suggested

"why?" Mikey complained rudely.

"Because there's obvious tension between you two and I need to talk and be straightforward without you distracting him."

"Gee-"

"go mikey." Gerard snapped.

Mikey huffed but stood up and left the window room.

"Frank why are you here? Or like how did you even get here?" Gerard asked sounding sincerely worried.

"I walked into the hospital and told them I was suicidal and they brought me here and diagnosed me and stuff." I said not really sure what he wanted me to say as my answer.

"diagnosed you?"

"Yea I'm bi-polar."

"Well now that they know can't you leave?" He asked

"No not really."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm on suicide watch." I said sadly.

gerard nodded at me and then sighed. "You know we need to talk about....well..."

"you fucking forcing yourself on me?" I said finishing his sentence.

He slammed his fist on the counter and spat at me. "I didn't fucking force myself on you! I. Was. Forced!"

"You're a fucking teacher gerard! I've had so much time to think through how you could've completely stopped what happened. You had the upper hand and -"

"frank there wasn't-"

"no gerard I don't want some bullshit excuse you know just as well as I do that you could've stopped it." I said.

"Frank-"

"no! excuses are not what I want!" I yelled.

"Then what do you want!?" He yelled back

"honestly I want to die!" I screamed.

Gerard looked shocked at what I had just said. He didn't have time to reply though before Jamia walked in and sent me to my room along with pills and locked my door.

I knew that they wouldn't completley leave me alone during the meeting but of course I had to let that damn sentence slip and now I'm going to be watched 24/7 until 'I change back' to normal.
Right now I don't really see one negative thing about death, and I can't really see one positive thing about life.

Notes

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