Pay the price

So that's my decision. I'm going to end my life. I'm not scared or nervous I just really don't want to be here anymore. I wouldn't hand my life over to someone I hated because I wouldn't even want them to have to live through what I have.

I can't end it all right now while I'm at school though so I'll have to wait. I didn't feel like going to science not just because it was a double class but because I didn't want to have to see gerard.

Now that I knew he told mikey I was hurt. He ripped away all that was left of my life and had avoided me for four days staying god knows where.

Im guessing he visited mikey and told him but I know he wouldn't stay with him especially if he told him we fucked each other. I'm not sure what he told him or how far into details he went but if I told my brother his best friend was a prositute and that I fucked him I wouldn't want to stay. Who would?

I basically just sat out the first hour of science and cried in the empty classroom. I cried hard and long about everything.

I thought about how I could've done so many things different and changed how my life turned out but There was really no point. What's done is done.

I thought about a lot during that first hour of science but then a thought jumped into my mind. How am I going to kill myself?

I mean I need a way to do it right?

I know Im not going to kill myself at Gerard's and leave him to deal with that situation and I'm not going to kill myself at school. I don't want it to be be somewhere random like in the woods or anything. I want my body to be found.

I came up with the idea that was best place to kill myself was at home.

my mom would have to find me eventually and as soon as she does she'll have me buried and then that's it for me. Bye bye world love frank.

Ok so I know my place but how am I going to do it. Hanging, pills, bleeding, gun shot.

I think a gun shot would be the fastest and quickest way out and I know my mom a pistol stashed in her room I can get to.

When I think about it it's kind of sad that I'm just planning my death down to the detail.

I also realized that I don't want everyone to be sad when I go or think it was their fault. I already know and admitted that it was my own fault and it's my choice to die. No one pushed me to suicide I planned it.

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2 days later

I have everything set. I avoided school the last two days and wrote all the letters I needed and left them where they needed to be.

I silently crept into my house and up to my room. I'm not sure where my mom was but I didn't want her to somehow stop me. I locked my door and pulled the gun out of my pocket.

I sat down and placed the gun to my mouth. I heard a door slam downstairs and figured it was my mom. But then i realized it was two voices.

I began to hear feet running all over the place and someone ended up at my door.

"Frank!? Frank open up!" It was mikey.

How did be even know I was here? He should be in school. It's only 1. I planned this!

"Frank open this door now or I will bust it down." Gerard's voice sounded through my ears.

"Oh my god gee what if were to late!?" Mikey said his voice cracking telling me he was crying. That bastard. If he cared he wouldn't have pushed me away and as far as i care he can go fuck himself.

I felt bad though. I didn't want to kill myself right while they were there outside my bedroom door but all I could think of is how much of a fuck up I am. I began to cry and once again raised the gun to my mouth.

I heard the door get kicked in and pulled the trigger but nothing happened. I looked at the gun and began hitting it off the ground "the fucking things jammed!!" I cried.

"Oh my god" I heard mikey whisper.

"Frank stop hitting the the gun. Listen to me you don't want to do this." He said calmly.

The next second though nothing was calm. When I banged the gun again it fired. It shot itself straight threw my stomach. All I could hear was mikey and gerard screaming.

Even though my stomach was killing me I pulled the trigger again aiming higher this time and naling myself in the chest.

Notes

Dun dun dun!!! *dramatic music*
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