Memories

Gerard and I got back at around eight o'clock, where we found out Donna had taken Mikey to the movies. She had written us a note explaining they wouldn't be back until around eleven as the film finished at ten, and they were going for a late meal afterwards. I decided I wasn't hungry - my appetite had disappeared around the time we sat in the restaurant earlier today.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Gerard asked me with a mouth full of maceroni cheese pasta. I giggled at him and when he realized, and his cheeks flared with embarrassment before he swallowed messily.

"Yeah," I nodded. "It's just a lot to think about, y'know? It's a lot to take in." Sighing, I pulled my feet onto the chair, hugging my legs to my chest and resting my chin on my knees.

"I know." The room fell silent, with only the random scraping of the fork on the bowl Gerard was eating from. "Do you want to go to bed after this?" He spoke up when he'd finished, motioning that he was going to wash the bowl.

Stretching my arms up and standing, I mumbled a "Sure," and started walking towards Gerard's basement room. WIth a heavy sigh, I laid down on top of the covers and closed my eyes.

After around ten minutes, I felt Gerard's comforting arms wrap around me from above and his soft lips press against my cheek. Leaning my head up to find his lips, I moved my hands to his sides. As time progressed, our breathing became heavier, Gerard lowering himself so that our bodies were pressed together. His hands caressed my sides as I cupped his face.

"I can't do this," I finally breathed out against his lips, my voice seeming quiet and almost scared. Gerard seemed to lift himself from me, but not all the way.

"I wasn't expecting you to do anything," he assured me carefully, his eyes searching mine. "This is all I want right now. All I want is what you're comfortable with." I nodded my head, pressing my forehead to his and then kissing him one last time for comfort. Gerard climbed off me, laying by my side and allowing me to tuck myself under his arm.

"I'm really sorry." I laced my hand with his and began to stroke the pad of my thumb over his skin. Pulling our hands towards my lips, I kissed the back of his hand. "You deserve more than me."

Gerard pulled his hand from mine and sat upright, turning to face me. I pulled myself up too and pulled my legs up to my chest to hug them. "Don't you ever say that again, Frank. Do not blame yourself for anything that monster did to you. You are no less of a person and whatever happened to you in the past does not make my love any less for you."

"I love you too," I smiled and leaned over to peck Gerard's lips once, breathing out a laugh at his paled expression. "Scary, right? To hear those words?"

Gerard swallowed, nodding once as the corner of his lips twitched up slightly. "Extremely," he smiled, visibly relaxing. He seemed to regain the colour in his face and he turned to climb onto me, hovering over me. "Let's get some sleep, you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow." He pecked my lips.

"And why is that?" I grinned, running a hand through his hair as it fell over his face slightly.

"You're helping me pack," he laughed. My smile faultered a little, and I sighed, letting my arms fall either side of my head on the pillow. Gerard kissed me once more.

"Is that so?" I sighed. "Yeah, somehow I don't think I'm going to enjoy that part much."

"I know." He tried to force back an expression that didn't show his thoughts right then, and settled with a grimance. "I'm going to miss you a lot. Fuck, I didn't think this through, did I?"

I didn't bother to reply because anything I said wouldn't have been true. The truth was that I didn't want Gerard to leave, and whether that was being selfish or not I didn't care. He was right, he hadn't thought it through, but at the same time I could do nothing but let him go through with it. I didn't expect him to change his mind either way.

Gerard took my silence as an agreement to his sleeping suggestion and leaned down to kiss my forehead, letting his lips linger there for a few seconds and breathing me in. "Goodnight, Frankie," he whispered, laying down next to me once more and allowing me to bury myself into his side.

The next morning, Gerard let me sleep in whilst he tip-toed around his room to pack, never disturbing me once. When I finally allowed my eyes to open, the room was almost completely empty, with only his wardrobe, a set of drawers, a suitcase that was full of clothes but not yet zipped up, and the bed I was lying in. His walls had been stripped of all the artwork and lyrics that had been stuck to it, revealing a very bland looking off-white colour. Considering how cluttered and unorganized Gerard's room used to be before now, I think I preferred it when it had all of his belongings in it. This was all too real.

I glanced at the doorway when it opened and saw Gerard emerge with an small mug of coffee and a plate of freshly made toast. He walked slowly down the small flight of stairs, eyeing the mug carefully to be sure none of the precious coffee was spilling out and he sat down on the bed beside me after placing both items in his hands on the only set of drawers left in the room. He leaned over the bed towards me, pushing the hair behind my ear and kissing my forehead.

"How'd you sleep?" Gerard smiled, shuffling forward further to catch my lips with his before I could reply. I hesitated when he pulled away, my head remained tilted forward as if still kissing him. I thought about whether I should tell him the truth or not, and contemplated the consequences of lying.

If I told Gerard I slept fine, he would probably take my word for it and we'd part on bad terms considering my irritating inabality to not be bitter when I have something on my mind. Although if I told him how I was really feeling; that I was up most of the night, I didn't want him to leave and I couldn't give a shit if I was being extremely selfish, no doubt he'd stay.

If he stayed, I knew he'd be miserable. This really was what he wanted. It was a career that he'd been working his ass off for, it was his own place that would eventually become our place, and I couldn't take that away from him. I'd never forgive myself and I couldn't see him forgiving me if I ruined it for him.

I settled with a bit of humorous sarcasm. "Oh, I slept great." I waved my hand a little, a smirk forming on my lips. "I feel just peachy."

Gerard sighed, clearly not buying it, and closed his eyes tightly for a few seconds. When he opened them, he smiled and grabbed my hands, pulling me up from the bed as he began to rise on the other side of it. "Come on," he urged, attempting to drag me from under the covers. I managed to release one of my hands from his grip and cling to the duvet cover around me, refusing to leave it behind.

"Where are we going?" I whined, resisting the urge to yawn. "I just woke up." By this point I was now stood at the same side of the bed as Gerard was, watching as he smirked down on me.

"You're coming with me to New York," he stated, causing me to choke on my own saliva. Gerard's eyes were wide with excitement and he chuckled slightly at my reaction. I stood, gaping at him for a few seconds.

"I'm what?!" I managed to force the words out through all the confusion I was feeling. "Gerard, what about school? I haven't finished yet, and I have exams to sit, and what about Mikey? I mean, sure he's slightly more popular with people than I am, but I'm his closest friend! And what about my mom? How will she react when I tell her I'm dropping out of school to-"

"Frank, calm down," Gerard chuckled, placing a hand over my mouth before I could say anymore. "I don't mean permenantly, well, not yet. I mean for the weekend. Monday is a bank holiday, right? No school?"

I nodded, staring at him intently. "Well, yeah, but-"

"I'll give you change for the subway on Monday night to get back home, but stay this weekend with me; help me settle in to our soon to be home."

No matter how much I told myself that leaving Gerard on that Monday night for God knows how long I'd have to wait before I could see him again would be painful, I couldn't say no. Two more days with Gerard was better than saying goodbye two days earlier, so of course when I nodded my head, I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

"Okay," I grinned. "Sounds like a plan, I guess."

"Great!" Gerard exclaimed, pulling me in for a brief kiss before turning and running back up the basement stairs, calling out to me from behind. "Eat that toast, and leave me some coffee, I'm fucking gagging for some caffeine!"

After doing as I was told and eating a couple of slices, I decided against getting dressed out of my pyjamas that day. I'd help Gerard unpack, but I didn't plan on leaving the apartment, so I didn't see the point. As I was sipping the already cooling coffee, Gerard came bounding back down the stairs. I leaned down to put the coffee on the floor as Gerard approached me.

"Are you not getting dressed?" Gerard smirked, pushing me gently backwards onto the bed. I sat on the edge of it, my legs swinging backwards and forwards absent-mindedly. "You know, it's cold outside."

"I don't plan on going outside," I protested, letting my hands reach forward and trail down his t-shirt clad chest. He shivered from my touch and I grinned, leaning up to catch his lips when he pulled away.

"You need at least one change of clothes," he protested. "You can't ride the subway home in your pyjamas." Gerard chuckled softly when I pouted, but sighed.

"Fine, but I'm keeping the duvet," I muttered as I stood, stepping towards him, almost as though I was asking him to argue. I kept the duvet firmly wrapped around my body almost like a cocoon. Gerard didn't protest as he stepped backwards, and instead just smirked.

"Fine by me, but on one condition." I raised an eyebrow, challenging him as he changed his expression and this time began to step closer to me. I shuffled backwards until I stumbled back into the edge of the bed.

"And what would that be?" I spoke my words slowly, releasing my death grip on the duvet as I waited for his reply. I let go completely, leaving it to hang, gently draped around my shoulders. Gerard took another step forward, closing the space between us completely and wrapping an arm under the duvet and gently around my waist, letting it rest teasingly at the small of my back. He pressed our bodies together and leaned his head down so his lips were level with my ear.

He hummed in thought, then spoke hushed, his breath gently falling over my neck and causing me to shiver. "Lets cuddle."

A grin spread across my face and I raised both of my eyebrows, exhaling the breath I didn't realize I had been holding until now. I leaned up into Gerard who still had his lips pressed to my ear and he began to trail kisses down my neck, starting at my jaw. I pulled him further towards me, feeling like I had to be even closer to him than I already was and he pushed me backwards gently onto the bed. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, bringing the corners of the duvet with me and wrapping us both in it.

We made ourselves comfortable, Gerard's head resting on my chest, his arm across my stomach and his leg draped half across mine. "How much time do we have?" I sighed, my fingers finding their way to his hair and playing with the strands that seemed to never stay down no matter how much effort he made with it.

"Probably around fifteen minutes," he sighed, trailing his hand up and down my side in a soothing manner. "It's not enough time, but it's something, at least."

My chest tightened at Gerard's words, feeling the lump that had seemed to constantly be present in my throat since the talk with Lindsey and Gerard in the cafe starting to get bigger. "We've got the whole weekend," I protested, my voice seeming to crack and alerting Gerard that I was becoming teary.

"Hey, hey," he hushed me softly, reaching up to caress the side of my face with his thumb and trace my eyelids gently when I closed my eyes. "It'll be fine," he promised, "nothing is going to change; my feelings for you will never disappear no matter how long we're apart."

I opened my eyes as Gerard began to move, pushing himself up and turning over to straddle me. I brought my hands up, moving his hair when it fell over his eyes as he sat over me. "I love you, Frank Anthony Iero Jr," he declared, and I broke into a grin, laughing gently. "And no matter how cheesy it sounds, I'll never stop loving you."

"I love you too, you big gay." I rolled my eyes and he chuckled, leaning down to press a chaste kiss to my lips and then climbing off me, grinning at the protesting whine that emitted its way from my throat. "Five more minutes," I pleaded, grabbing his hand as he stood from the bed.

"I love it when you beg for me," Gerard teased, winking at me in a joking manner. I glared at him, the pout making itself present again "Okay, five more minutes." He layed back down on the bed, this time allowing me to curl myself around his torso and he kissed the top of my head, his lips lingering there for a few seconds. "But then we really need to go."

"Yeah, sure," I sighed, not really listening anymore as I closed my eyes and nuzzled my nose into neck. "Then we'll go."

Notes