Guitar Picks and Paper Cartoons

Hours had past when a knock came to the door. "It's Mikey," the voice on the other side rang out. Gerard stood up and walked to the door slowly opening it to see that it was truly Mikey on the other side. He let Mikey in and shut the door. Mikey looked in my direction with concern in his eyes. I didn't sit up, didn't stand up, I just continued to lay there looking at the spot Gerard had been in.

"How's she doing?" Mikey asked.

"I'm not sure yet. What's up?" Gerard said in a hushed tone.

"Mom bought pizza, do you want me to tell her you're eating up here? She's going to ask questions."

"Yeah I'll come deal with it." Gerard appeared back in my vision. "I'll be right back okay," he said kissing the top of my forehead. I swallowed hard as he left the room. What was I doing, what was she doing, what was he doing. There was just to many details, to many moments. Just like that, that's all it took. One thought process. One second and the memories began to flood my brain. Her smile, her laugh, her hair, her skin, her presence. Gerard returned with a plate of pizza.

I have to give him credit, he tried to get me to eat. He at least convinced me to drink some water and when all else failed he returned to be opposite me.

"Tell me what happened," Gerard whispered as he ran his hand through my hair.

"He's leaving, he's leaving and now there is no one to take care of her," I muttered. "Gerard I don't want to talk." He nodded as a response to me. I leaned in and kissed him. I kissed him with desperation. I needed to have that feeling of being no where. I needed to have that place where my head stopped thinking. I needed more. I pushed Gerard on his back and climbed on top of him. His hands came to my hips and mine to his hair. "Anya," Gerard managed to say in between kisses. As a response, I kissed him back harder and rocked my hips. I heard a moan escape his lips and I moved my hips again. He groaned and rolled us over. Gerard like to be dominate, that was always evident. His lips moved to my neck. My hands gripped the bottom of his shirt toughing to attempt to removed the horrible cotton keeping us apart. Finally removing the his shirt, he ripped mine away as well. His kisses went down my neck and to my breasts without skipping a beat. My mind was gone, my problems were gone, the only thing that existed was myself and Gerard. I let out another moan and ran my hands lower on Gerard and into his pants. I quickly forced his pants down as his hand slid into my pants.

"I want it," I muttered sliding my own pants down. Gerard stopped what he was doing and set his hands up above my head. I heard him try to control his uneven breathing.

"No, you don't, not yet away," he muttered.

"I do," I said pulling my pants the rest of the way down.

"Anya, I care about you so much but this," he said rolling off of me and stroking my hair. "This is not you right now. I don't know what happened earlier but I'm not taking advantage of that." I looked at him, swallowing hard.

"Is it me?" I asked with worry.

"No, I want to, trust me, I do, but I don't want to if your reacting because of something else." Gerard's hand came to my face and I began to cry. He pulled me close and yanked some covers over us.

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My eyes fluttered open and I realized I was still in Gerard's bed and still without clothing. I rolled over to see Gerard facing me. I gently stroked his face until his eyes fluttered open.

"Hey," he said in a dry voice. He rubbed his eyes rolling over and looking at the clock. It was 3am.

"I'm sorry," was all I could muster when he turned back around.

"Don't be," he said rubbing his eyes. He stretched and sat up against his headboard.

"I want to tell you what happened, I just don't know how." I whispered aware that talking loud at this hour was probably a bad idea. I was sure his parents had no idea of my presents.

"Start where all stories start, at the beginning." Gerard watched me for a moment. "Come on, I need a cigarette anyways." Gerard slide out of bed grabbing some jeans and changing. I propped myself up on my elbow and watched him, taking in as much as I could. "Come on," he whispered offering me a hand. I stood realizing once again that I was waring nothing. "Personally, I like the look," he said rubbing his ear and looking for some clothes. I rolled my eyes at his comment. He handed me some sweatpants and a oversized Iron Maiden shirt. I slide the clothing on.

Following Gerard down the stairs, once again I needing him to guide me. We exited the house out the back door. The night was cool luckily Gerard grabbed two sweatshirts on the way out. I pulled mine closer and sat on his back steps. He joined lighting his cigarette and offering it to me. I accepted.

"So," he said exhaling. I sighed.

"Growing up, I had a sister," I said exhaling smoke.

"I though you were an only child?" He asked with confusion.

"Key word, had." Gerard quickly turned my head and looked at me. His eyes then fell on chest.

"Your scars?" he asked sliding his hand into mine. I nodded.

"Yeah, she was in the car with me. When we hit the tree… the car flipped pinning us both in the backseat," I rushed through the last part terrified that I would stop talking. I took another hit. "The windows shattered, there was blood everywhere, I still don't understand how… Hannah was terrified," I said whipping the tears from my eyes and taking another hit. "It's as if it happened yesterday in my mind. I still see the flashes every time I'm in a car. Every time I look at her." Silence engulfed us.

"Her who?" Gerard finally whispered scooting closer to me, wrapping and arm around me.

"My mom," I said simply.

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