I woke up, and all I saw were lights. Red white and blue lights flashed and everything was blurry. I couldn't remember anything and my head was in pain. My hand was blurry when I brought it into view, I heard nothing. But as time went on voices were just pulses and stuffy. I couldn't understand them, but one of them pulled my hand up.

"We have a Caucasian male, probably about sixteen. Over." A man spoke. I felt pressure on my back and my head rushed when I was on my feet again. I couldn't stand still and I wobbled all over the place.

"Someone get him in an ambulance and give him some oxygen." The voice came again. I turned my head and I saw black faces, they looked like aliens. My mind couldn't process anything, and then my body was lifted again.

"Up we go." Another man said, the one who held me up under my arms. It hurt, I could feel things. I felt the a sharp poke and the next thing I knew I had a cord in my hand. The voices were colliding together and I couldn't make out anything they were saying. I could understand the girl, she wore blue and held something in her hand.

"This is oxygen, were just going to put it over your mouth, okay?" I nodded in response and the mask was on my face. It was cold and I felt everything constrict in my body. My limbs tried to panic but my body was numb. "Shh shh it's okay. You're fine, you'll be fine." At first I didn't trust her words, how was I going to be fine. I was suffocating. But I guess I was wrong, slowly I was able to breathe again, and soon I didn't have to do anything to breathe. My head felt like it was going to explode but at the same time it felt like someone was holding my head down. I lost my eyes began to go black, but they were open. I couldn't move my body anymore, I wanted to panic but I couldn't. I could still feel the air going into my lungs but that was when I blacked out.

---

Justin was by my side when I woke up in my living room. He jumped when he saw me move. "Omigod, Frank you're awake."

"What happened?" I asked, which only hurt my throat. Talking hurt and my head was pounding. I just wanted a cigarette.

"You had a really bad panic attack. You've been asleep for almost twelve hours. They brought you home when they figured you'd be fine at home. And-"

"Justin stop talking." I couldn't take his words anymore, my brain couldn't process the things he was throwing at me. Imagine a baby trying to catch a million footballs at once. Yeah, that's how I felt.

"Oh.. Are you okay?" His voice was low and he felt unsure after he'd already said the damn sentence.

"Yeah, my head hurts." I groaned, turning over on the couch.

"I'll get you some water, okay?" Justin asked, sounding even more unsure than before but I felt the couch shift as he went in the kitchen. I dropped my head on the pillow again and laid there until Justin came back, after that he did a lot of talking.

---

He told me what happened.. and I remember it. I looked so hard for him and he's gone. I couldn't even save him, I was probably the reason why he jumped. Things felt even worse than the night I was in the ambulance, I stumbled down the hallway. For some reason I couldn't open the door, at first I thought I'd forgotten how, but it was because I was afraid. The time came and I was able to go through the door way.

It seemed the same since I ran in that night. Nothing moved, everything was in place. My CD's were stacked on my dresser and posters covered almost the whole wall. Drawings filled the space the poster's missed. And then there were his pills. It was terrifying seeing all the bottles. They all had long names and I had to turn the bottle to see the whole thing, but I couldn't even pronounce half the names. I couldn't do anything, this was stupid.! My body raged and the pills were scattered on the floor along with shards of orange plastic, and more things came crashing down. I couldn't look at it anymore. It was ugly, none of this should be here. My hands cleared his whole night stand and my hand cramped up, just now I had noticed the gauze around it and remembered that I broke it. To remember again I unwrapped the bandage and looked at my hand. It was mostly purple and red, blood came out again.. and I did it again. I tore up his room, everything laid on his floor and what wasn't broke just laid on the floor. I couldn't see much and my face was wet. My back crashed in the wall behind me and I felt my body fall. I slide down the wall and sat on the floor, my sobs almost suffocated me and I was pathetic.

Once I could see through my tears, I'd noticed a giant mess under the bed. Most of it were dirty clothes and crumpled up pieces of paper. But I saw something else, almost like a box but it was wrapped. My curiosity sparked and I crawled under the bed, almost smashing my nose against the floor as I tried like hell to hold my sneezes in due to the dust. But I was back out and I backed up. I pushed smashed and broken things away and cleared a spot for me and that's when I saw it. My name was on it. With more confusion I ripped the paper open and right away I saw color. It was a painting.. and a painting of my dog. Why did he have my dog..

I held the canvas and heard something else drop. It first looked like a rag but turned out to be another band shirt. A Black Flag shirt.. I didn't even smile at it. I couldn't even smile at my favorite band. It was like everything was ruined for me, I felt like I couldn't be happy again. That I'd always have to live with this guilt. I killed my brother. It was my fault, he was never happy. When I thought nothing else could happen one more thing fell from the canvas, it was sheets of lined paper folded up, after a long pause I opened the note and read it.

---

Everything was black and I was conscious again. I was at a door and I held two things. The note in my left, and a .45 in the other. But the rage came back and I knocked on the door harder. The note was more crumpled as my hand squeezed tighter when I knocked. My hand missed the door and I noticed that it'd been answered. Drew stood in the doorway.

"Frank?" He asked, looking down at me, flinching when he saw what I held.

"You knew it." I growled, the gun pointed towards Drew as I walked in the house. Closing the door with my foot. "You knew it didn't you." my voice.

"Frank what the hell are you talking about, put the gun down." He shook, taking steps but lead him nowhere and he stood in the same spot. He was now crying.. and so was I?

I saw the gun shake and my arm shook. "The note you knew about it. You knew he felt that way." I cried.

"Feel what way about you what? That you're an ass hole?" Drew stuttered but got hold of his words and began to shout.

"Drew, I swear to god. Say that one more fucking time." I said as snot and tears ran down my face, my arm shook even more as I saw Drew behind the gun.

"Jesus Frank, what do you want!" Drew cried.

"That's why you fucked him, isn't it? Because you knew he liked me." My body pulsated and my breathes were heavy and fast. Blood rushed everywhere.

"I loved him okay."

"You knew he loved me. this fucking letter. You cunt!" My hand shoved the note in the air, holding it out to Drew until my hand couldn't hold it anymore and both dropped to my sides. I was bent over and my breathing was worse. I saw my tears hit the floor.

"Frank.."

"Stay the fuck back." I whipped around, the gun pointed right back at my victim. I stared at him as my hand wiped my face. "If you had any last words what would they be. Say them. Say them!"

"I- why-." He stuttered, my hand and the gun stiffened. "I'd tell my brother I'm sorry! You fucked him, doesn't that make us fair? I haven't seen him in years since I moved back here. I lied, I was never born here I was born in Germany with Roger. I came here because I thought I could be a big shot but I'm a failure with cancer. I didn't even call my brother once to tell him I'm sorry for leaving him. You fucked him, I fucked Gerard, we're even. Now put the damn gun down."
I only stared at him, I watched him and he stood there. He seemed confident and it made me feel weak, but I'm not losing, not this time. I held my hand out again, and he shivered again.

"No.. jesus you're crazy. No!" He screamed in terror I wanted to laugh. He was pathetic, he's scared of death when he was already dead.

"Go be with your boyfriend." I said under Drew's screams. Under the gun shot, but the moment I saw him fall I felt the worst pain I've ever felt. I was guilty again, I fucked up again. I was a murderer.

Notes

Wow, my first completed fan fiction... it was a great journey with you guys and I'm proud of this and I'm actually re writing this story but adding new characters that are my own

Frank Perconte is Frank
Marucs Levi is Gerard
Andrew Cody is Drew
Roger Williams is Donnie
Hutch is Bob
Chris is Chris
Justin is Justin
Samson and Chance Levi play as Mikey
and in this one Marcus/Gerard have twin brothers and they are important later in the story.
If you want to keep up with it and read it just comment or message me. I'm doing a ton of concept art for my earthbound fan fiction and I've been doing a lot of nintendo stuff. but if you want to keep up with my drawing and writing my facebook is there facebook.com/mr.saturnx
I love you all for your support, happy writing.