I'm Okay (Trust Me)

(Kara’s POV)
It was past midnight when Jack, Jade, Connor, and I got home. We had decided at the party that we would have to stay at Jack’s for a while—just until we were sure Jay wouldn’t come back. “I’m going to make some ramen.” Connor said as we entered. All of us were incredibly tired but we were also all starving. “Jade, Kara, come check this out. Connor is like a freaking machine when he makes ramen.” Despite whatever plans we had made in the car, all of us followed Connor into the kitchen and sat at the table. Jack and Jade talked as I watched Connor whirl around the kitchen, grabbing various bottles, packages, and spices and placing them next to the stove. He did everything at lightning speed and I could see him chopping things and dashing things and pouring things. “Um… Is all that really necessary?” I asked. Jack glanced at Connor, “Oh, he’s just very particular about his ramen,” he turned to Jade, “Oh, and you’re kind of sitting in his special ramen-eating chair.”

She scooted around to the other side of the table as Connor brought the pot and four small bowls with chopsticks to the table. The three of them began eating it bite by bite, pulling it out of the pot and holding the bowl so that it wouldn’t drip. I was confused because I’ve never seen anyone eat ramen like that, but I followed their example. “Why are we eating it like this?” I asked. “Hm? Oh, it’s how Connor’s mom taught him when he was little and he insists we eat it this way. Apparently it’s the traditional Korean way to eat it,” he shrugged, “I still don’t get why you adore some woman who split when you were five… You even sit in the same seat she used to…” Jack went on to say more bad things about Connor’s mom. Connor’s face was blank, but his nails were digging into his palms and he had stopped eating. “I mean, she just left. How do you love her like th…” Connor cut him off, “She didn’t leave.”

Jack looked confused at first, but then his eyes widened. “You haven’t told us the full truth… have you…?” Connor didn’t say anything and Jack left the table, coming back shortly with two bottles of Smirnoff. “Where did you— you’re 17!” Jack shushed Jade’s protests and set the bottles of clear liquid on the table. “Confession time.” Connor stared into one of the bottles for a while before opening it and taking a long swig. Half the bottle was gone before he started talking. I was scared at how he didn’t do so much as shiver when drinking straight up vodka. He was only 19, and he hasn’t drunk in 3 years… As far as I know. “She didn’t leave.” His words were slurred. Jack had been busy drinking as well. “Yeah, you said that. What happened to her, man?” Connor laughed and shook his head. “She died. Well, she was killed. By that bastard who calls himself my father. She loved me, though…” He took another drink and Jack laughed as well. “Why would he kill her, though?” Connor clutched his bottle and smirked, tears spilling down his cheeks. “She found out what he did for a living and threatened to take me away.”

Jack looked confused again and was giggling quietly. “I thought you said your dad was a debt collector.” Connor burst out laughing. “No, he’s in the mob!” Jade looked a little bit scared, and she wasn’t saying anything. But then again, neither am I. After a second of the boys giggling uncontrollably, Jade tugged on Connor’s arm. “C’mon, stop it. Just go to bed.” He took another drink and Jack calmed down from his laughing fit. “How did you get all the way here from Washington, anyway? That’s what I’ve always wondered.”

Both of them finished off their bottles and their words were slurring really badly. “I sold myself. In any way I could.” His laughs were losing their playfulness and now he just sounded bitter. He put his head on the table. “I would work and then at night I would hit the road when I got the money. I remember being so scared. I thought I was going to die.” He said in Korean and whatever it was he said, it made Jade look really sad. “Dude, I can’t understand you,” Jack laughed, struggling to keep his eyes open, “Why did you run away anyway?” Connor laughed as well before Jade stood and helped him up. He would never answer that question, even drunk. “You should go to bed.” She said. I followed her example and helped up Jack.

Once I had hauled Jack to his room and taken his shoes off, he passed out immediately when he hit the bed. I went into the hall, expecting Jade to be there but she wasn’t yet. I decided it would be best to just go to sleep. I’d found out too much about Connor today.

(Jade’s POV)
I helped Connor onto the bed in the spare room. His eyes were closed and he had the back of his hand over his forehead. His breath smelled vile, like smelling straight from a bottle of vodka. Which was pretty much the same thing right now. I turned and was about to leave, but Connor giggled and caught my hand, hugging it like a sick little boy trying to keep his mom from leaving. “Saranghae.” I stopped. For those of you who don’t know Korean, ‘Saranghae’ means ‘I love you’ in English. I turned to him. “What did you say?” I asked angrily. I didn’t know why it made me mad, but it did. He giggled, eyes still closed. “Sa-rang-hae-Jade-Park.” He annunciated. I pulled my hand away from him. “You’re drunk!” I didn’t know what else to say.
He opened his eyes, and to my surprise they were filled with tears. “I know.”

I left the room. I couldn’t be in there anymore; I couldn’t keep looking at him like that. I wanted to cry. I stood in the empty hall and heard him yell at himself. “God, I’m so stupid! I’m so fucking stupid…” And that was when I started to cry.

Notes

Ah, someone's going to kill me. When my best friend Daylyn read this she literally threw the journal on the table and tackled me, crying. And then when my friend MacKenzie read it, she slammed the journal shut and gave me a look of strong disapproval. She has made me print the rest of the chapters for her. :p And if you were wondering where Jack got the vodka, let's just say Gee has his ways of getting all the alcohol he wants and will always lend some to Jack and whoever else wants some. You know that whole running gag of Gerard always having alcohol.