The End is Easier

I woke up on the couch.
I was still in my clothes but some one had placed a blanket over me and had put a pillow behind my head.
I grabbed at my pocket and pulled out my phone.
2:27am
The clock read.
I got up and switched on the hallway light and walked to the bathroom.
I relieved myself and shuffled to my own room.
I walked into my room, Sweet pea was laying on my bed. I pulled the blankets aside trying not to disturb her, and crawled down into the comfort of my own bed.
I was drifting off to sleep when I remembered why I had even passed out.
My father.
My mother had told me he wanted custody.
Does that mean I go with him on weekends? Or do I have to live with him?
It didn't seem possible. It wasn't logical to leave a rape victim with the rapist!
Were these people stupid? He fucking raped me! And their just going to let him waltz on in and fuck my life up even more?
I was so angry I was shacking with rage.
Sweat pea perked her head up and stared at me.
I got up out of bed and ran into the bathroom.
I shut the door and just sat on the cold tile floor. I don't know why but when I'm pissed or upset i go into the bathroom and sit on the floor and think.
I began to cry to myself. Why? Why was I picked to have this happen?
I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself.
I just sat there. Not moving, just sitting and thinking.
I pulled my knees up to my chest.
I rested my chin on my hands and just quietly breathed in and out.
I slowly got up from the floor and rummaged around the medicine cabinet.
I found what I was looking for.
I sleek shaving razor.
I grabbed it and smashed it on the counter.
Tiny pieces of plastic fell from it.
I picked at the sides, I could feel the first piece of sharpened metal start to give.
I snatched it and it broke free from the plastic.
I left the plastic in the sink.
I put down the lid of the toilet and sat on it.
I brought the small, sharp, blade down on my left wrist.
Once for all the trouble I've caused,
Twice for everyone I've hurt,
Three for shaming my mother,
Four for my disgusting excuse of a life,
Five for all the shit I've done,
Six for all the problems that evolve around me.
I brought it down hard into the seventh slice, and cut to far.
A deep red ran down my arm.
I quickly grabbed some toilet paper and blotted the incision.
No use.
I ran to my room and pulled open my night stand drawer.
I rummaged around until I found it.
Super glue.
How many times has super glue saved my ass?
To many to count.
I rubbed some on my right index finger and swiped it across the bloody line.
Burning.
That sums up the feeling of putting super glue into a wound.
I found some gauze and bandages in my drawer, and dressed my wounds.
Seven wasn't even close to my limit but I was done for one night.
I pushed Sweet Pea to the side of my bed and crawled underneath the covers.

~Time laps~
I woke up Saturday knowing that I had an appointment with Mr.Way.
I was getting used to the three times a week routine of going to see him.
Even though I disliked him, I couldn't help a small part of me that felt attracted towards the young therapist.
It took me awhile to get out of bed because of my new medication.
I had been taking Zyprexia for only one week and the side effects were super crappy.
I would be tired and unmotivated all the time!
Little things like getting a glass of water and going to the bathroom were difficult!
Hell, yesterday I held in my pee so long I think I broke a new record! That little voice in my head has kinda disappeared so I guess that's a good thing about it.
I left my house at twelve and expected to be back around two-ish.
I began my ten minute walk to the therapist office.
I was almost there when I felt someone grab my jacket. I swung at nothing and tried to fend of the attackers but to no avail.
I turned my head around to see Chris.
Two of his friends grabbed my arms and dragged me into an nearby alley.
"Get the fuck off me!"
I screamed as loud as possible
But one of them just shoved a hand in front of my mouth.
They dragged me into the back of the alley. One of the two boys duck taped my mouth shut.
"Thought you could escape me? Didn't you faggot?"
Chris punched me in the stomach.
I fell to my knees but was brought right back up by the two assholes holding my arms.
"You should know better. And just for not letting me kick your ass sooner I think you need to learn a lesson.
Right guys?"
He winked at the two other guys.
"Oh yeah."
They both said in unison.
Their grips tightened as Chris brought down the first blow.
Right into the side of my mouth.
I felt a dull throbbing and then tasted blood.
I tried to spit but couldn't because of the tape.
The blood just kept pouring into my mouth.
It ran down the back of my throat and soon started to trickle out of my nose.
Chris tightened up his fist for the second hit.
This time he changed it up a bit and punched me dead in the left eye.
I cringed and wriggled against the four hands holding me down.
Christ pulled back his fist for a third hit.
He hit me so hard in the chest I fell to my knees and the two guys let me go.
I crumpled up into a ball.
"You think we killed him?"
One of the two unknown boys asked.
"Not yet we haven't."
Chris replied as he began to kick me.
The other two joined in shortly after.
I couldn't hear or even feel the blows anymore.
I had gone numb.
I knew they were probably laughing, and I wouldn't be surprised if one of them had taken photos, or had recorded it.
Then they stopped.
"Frank! Frank!"
I heard someone yell my name.
"Oh my god. Frank can you hear me?"
I mumbled back a yes, but I'm pretty sure it came out as gurgles because my mouth was still tapped shut.
I could feel myself being picked up and carried away.
I snuggled into the crook of the arms of my savour.
Which smelled like after shave.
I didn't really care who was carrying me, I just didn't want to be left back in the alley.
we only walked for a little while before I was placed on something soft and uncomfortable. I felt someone gently pull the duck tape from my mouth.
As soon as they did I spit blood everywhere.
I coughed and heaved on the blood spitting it all over the room and myself.
I opened my right eye and saw Mr.Way sitting next to me with his hands on my back.
When I finished coughing he swung my legs back over and on to the couch.
He left the room so I was all alone.
I lifted up my shirt and saw several different bruises.
A couple big ones but mostly small ones along with a few cuts and scrape.
On the right side of my hip there was an extremely large cut that had been kicked open. It was bleeding profusely, but my shirt was sticking to it.
I was examining myself when Mr.Way walked in with a cup of water and an icepack in his hands.
I pulled down my t shirt and blushed.
He gave me the water.
I drank it all in one gulp.
He sat next to me on the couch.
"This should help the swelling go down."
He gently pushed the ice to the side of my mouth.
It hurt like a bitch and I winced a little.
"I'm not trying to hurt you Frank."
He cooed.
He handed me the ice pack and walked over to his desk.
He grabbed a few small items and met me back on the couch.
"Let me see Frank."
I shook my head and crossed my arms lightly over my chest.
"Please, this will only help."
I gave in an let him slip my shirt off.
Revealing several of my tattoos.
I swear i saw him stare, but just for just a mill a second, he quickly looked away and gave all his attention to the huge cut, now gash, on my side.
I had a bottle of alcohol in his hand and a cloth.
"Its gonna burn so.."
I cut him off.
"I know the drill. Just do it."
He put some of the alcohol on the cloth and he dabbed it over my wound.
I didn't make a sound but I crumpled up my face.
He removed the cloth and started to line up some kind of thread with a thin needle.
"Uh Frank, this is kinda stupid but could you
sew this up yourself?"
I gave him an awkward glance and shook my head up and down.
"Thank god. Sorry about it. Needles make me faint."
He got up and busied himself at his desk.
My moms a nurse. She's given me stitches before with out going to the hospital and sew up small cuts.
I've seen the technique over and over again.
I gripped the needle and sewed back and forth.
Piercing the skin lightly, because it did hurt.
I finished and snipped the thread and tied the end tight.
I went to grab my shirt but Mr.Way was at my side.
He pointed to the cuts on my side.
"Frank we need to talk about these."
I pulled my shirt back.
"No, I'm going. Home."
I started to get up.
"Well at least tell me who those guys were in the alley."
He sounded worried.
"Just some assholes from school. Don't worry about it."
He didn't look amused.
"Frank why were thy beating you up?"
Fuck, this is why I hate Mr.Way.
He always wants an explanation for everything!
"Because I'm fucking gay!! Ok!?"
I screamed at him
Mr.Way just looked at me as if I had a chicken on my head.
"Have you never seen a homo before?!"
I yelled again.
"That's why they beat you up?"
He asked as if I had never explained it.
"Yes, because I can't help but feel attracted to the same gender I get my fucking ass kicked daily."
I flipped him off and walked out the door.

Notes

ooo Frankie's such a rebel! c: