'When did the dreams start?'

'Right after I found out what happened.'

'And you still have them?'

'They stopped for a while. You know when I forced myself to forget about her? It took some time but I felt safe and happy in my new relationship. And then all of a sudden, they started again, without a warning. Now I have them almost every night. The sleeping pills help sometimes, or I simply don't sleep but then my girlfriend gets worried.'

'It's always the same dream?'

'Yes.'

'Are you ready to tell me about it?'

I hesitated for a while. I'd been seeing Dr Goldstein for almost six months now and so far, he had helped me a great deal. I had consulted him about my insomnia, we had spent hours talking about Finn and he knew what had happened back then. He knew I had night terrors, resulting from my reoccurring nightmares, causing anxiety and depression. He knew my triggers but he pushed me. And even though it irritated me, deep down I knew it was exactly what I needed.

'Umm...' I withdrew my hand from my mouth, looking down at my nails. I had bitten them down to the quick and was bleeding but I didn't care. 'I'm in this room, standing in front of a two-way glass, looking into another room and she's in there. On a table. In a hospital gown.' I swallowed hard as the images entered my mind. 'She's pregnant. You can see her belly under the gown. And she's crying and screaming my name. And I run over to the glass, screaming back her name so she knows I'm there but she can't hear me. Then her mom enters the room and she looks right at me. She holds her down and takes a knife. And then she stabs her. In the stomach. Over and over again. And Finn screams, and I scream. I bang my fists against the glass, I kick it, I scratch it, I throw myself against it but it doesn't break. There's blood everywhere. She cuts her open. She cuts it out of her.'

'It?'

'The baby. Our baby. She kills it.'

----------

I was a prisoner in my own home. My mother had locked my window and the door, leaving me with no way to escape. She had ripped the phone out of the wall, had taken my purse with my money and keys. Never before had I seen her act like that. Calculated, cold as ice and full of hatred. Even my dad knew better than to get in her way. When I looked at him, begging for him to do something, he just stood there, completely helpless, like a man who had lost all control over a situation.

After an hour of banging against the door, crying, screaming, begging, I had given up. I was in pain, physically and emotionally and I knew there was no point. She had made it very clear.

'You are NEVER going to see this boy again. Never. Do you understand?'

It was impossible to describe how it felt. The heartbreak. Saying it felt like someone had ripped my chest open and had trampled and kicked my heart to death was still an understatement. It felt more like I had never had a heart in the first place. It felt like nothingness. But it wasn't even the pain I was feeling that almost killed me, it was knowing that Gerard was in pain too, was feeling the same helplessness and confusion. Knowing his heart was breaking, completely and utterly destroyed me.

When my dad brought me lunch, I didn't even try to run. There was no point. My mother would beat the shit out of me. My cheek was still hurting where she had slapped me, just moments after Gerard and his mom had left the house. Dad apologized, telling me he would try to talk to her again.

'I need to talk to him, daddy. Please. I need to tell him I'm sorry.' I muttered as I stared up at the empty wall above my bed where Gerard's painting used to be. Yes, she had taken it away too.

My mother had called Mrs Way right in front of me and I had watched in horror as she told her that she would make sure Gerard would regret it for the rest of his life if he decided ever to come near me again.

'Finn, I can't. I'm sorry but you have gotten yourself in this situation. You knew the consequences but you did it anyway.' I could tell he was disappointed in me.

'Daddy, I love him. We can make this work. His family will support us. I promise, I can finish school.'

'There's nothing I can do.' he closed the door behind him, leaving me speechless and horrified.

You can't do this! You can't just force me to do this and then send me away! What about what I want? What about Gerard? This is HIS baby too! I was screaming on the inside but I was too weak to let it out. I had tried before and they hadn't listened, they didn't care. I had lost this fight before even fighting.

I was numb. Paralyzed. Yes, I was still breathing, my heart was still beating but apart from that, I was dead.

*

'You are NOT leaving this house, Gerard!'

'Mom, please! I have to see her, please! I need to talk to her!'

'You heard what Mrs Campbell said!'

'I don't give a fucking SHIT what that bitch said, I don't give a SHIT and if you don't let me go I swear to God you will never see me again, never! I NEED TO SEE HER I NEED TO TALK TO HER! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?!' I screamed, tears streaming down my face.

'Gerard....Gerard...' my mom tried to grab me but I pushed her away.

'I PROMISED HER! I PROMISED I WOULDN'T LEAVE HER! I PROMISED!'

'I know, honey, I know.' she said with a soothing voice that didn't do any soothing whatsoever.

'I LOVE HER!'

'I know.' she put her hands on my shoulders and I tried to shrug them off but she immediately put them back. 'Gerard.'

'She's my everything. I can't live without her.' I replied, my voice hoarse from all the yelling and crying.

'Come here.' my mother pulled me into a hug and I began to bawl like a little child. Like a defeated, helpless little boy. It felt like I couldn't get any air into my lungs so I started to hyperventilate, the fear and panic driving me out of my mind.

I held on to her while my convulsive sobs shook me, not even acknowledging my dad who was standing there, not knowing what to do or say, Mikey, crying because I was crying, because he had never seen me like this. Broken.

How was this happening? Why was this happening? We should have ran away while we had the chance. How could I have been so STUPID? To believe that there was actually a chance that Finn's parents would at least listen to us and discuss the options?

'You...you..you can't stop me from seeing her. You can't lock me up. You know I'll find a way.' I cried, not sure whether to believe my own words or not.

'I can't stop you, no. But you gotta be smart now, honey. Please. Give it a few days. Let them calm down. I will call Mrs Campbell again, I will go over, I will try to talk sense into her. Okay? But please, don't do anything stupid now. Play by their rules, stay away from Finn and wait.' she said, patting my back softly.

Was she right? Was there still hope that it would all work out? Would Finn's mom realize how cruel she was being and allow me to see her again? After all she was pregnant with my child! Maybe she had overreacted, letting the anger take control over her actions, maybe she had been in shock, maybe right now she thought that I was some sort of threat or danger to her daughter. She loved Finn, she just wanted to protect her and her actions could have been based on a mother's instinct. There must be a chance to sort this out, surely.

*

It was cold in the room. Cold and uncomfortable. But it didn't really matter where I was, right now I would probably be cold and uncomfortable anywhere. Then again, it fitted the situation. Nothing and no one was giving me comfort anymore. And the only thing that had been, would be taken from me in just a few moments. All I could think of was 'Is this the worst thing I ever have to go through?' and wonder if I'd survive. I wasn't so sure about that because of how badly I wished I was dead. I had always been a happy child and a happy teenager but right now, I was certain that my life was destined to be over soon, that I would find a way to end it all. I couldn't imagine how I'd be able to keep on living after this. I was also wondering about how someone else would feel like, if they would be braver, if they would dare to run. Compared to others, how much pain was I in? Was it legitimate enough to call it 'trauma'? Did I have the right to feel like this? How could people handle even worse? Just how weak was I?

'I need to ask you again, are you sure about this?' the nurse wanted to know and I looked up at her without feeling anything.

My mother was by my side, clenching my arm tightly, her nails digging into my skin painfully. I was shaking, more scared of her than of the procedure itself. She hadn't spoken a word since she had told me we were going to 'get rid of it' and that if I refused or tried anything, she would beat it out of me instead. I told myself over and over that it didn't matter anymore. She would send me away, I would never see Gerard again, she might as well take away the one thing I had left of him.

'Yes.' I breathed and she loosened her grip, narrowing her eyes at me. It's not like she was giving me a choice, I thought.

The nurse then placed my legs on the stirrups at the end of the bed before putting an oxygen mask over my face. I didn't even have time to freak out or be upset. My mind was empty again. An anesthetic was put into my IV and after a minute or so I began to feel drowsy. Although I was aware of what was going on around me, I couldn't engage, even when the nurse started asking me questions. Random ones, probably in order to distract me from what was about to happen. She asked me what my favorite movie was, what music I liked to listen to, she asked what I liked on my pizza and what I wanted to do after graduating from High School.

'Gerard...Ger-' I muttered before going under.

When I woke up, the nurse was just placing a warm blanket over me but I was confused, momentarily disoriented and there was a strange metallic taste in my mouth. What was going on? Where was I?

'Is....he here?' I asked her, having slight trouble speaking since my tongue felt swollen and my throat was dry.

'Is who here, sweetheart?' the nurse asked and held a cup with a straw to my mouth. I took a sip, before answering.

'Gerard. Has he seen the baby yet?'

'Sweetheart, you're not pregnant anymore. But don't worry. Everything went well. Here, drink up.'

The door opened and my mother walked in, holding some papers.

'We'll bring her up to the ward to rest for another hour or two, she seems a bit out of it, still. We're gonna monitor her blood pressure and the bleeding but I'm sure you'll be able to take your daughter home later.'

I still had no idea what was going on and what she was talking about but my eyes were so heavy, I needed to close them. Seconds later, I was fast asleep, dreaming about Gerard, holding our baby.

*

It had been a whole week. A whole week with no sign of Finn, no information, no nothing. My mother had tried to call the Campbell's several times, without any luck. I had been at Finn's workplace, in hopes of seeing her but her boss told me that she had quit unexpectedly and I wasn't even surprised to hear it. Despite my mom's protests, I had walked over to her house on wednesday, had rang the doorbell only to be ignored, had thrown pebbles against Finn's window but nothing.

On saturday, as I stood in front of their house again, yelling Finn's name while banging on the door, their neighbor, Mrs Ford told me that she had seen Finn leave on tuesday, with three suitcases. For a moment, nothing made sense but then I realized.

I ran back to our house, bursting into the kitchen where my mom was preparing dinner.

'Mom! I think they sent Finn away!' I panted and she turned around, staring at me in disbelief.

'What?' my dad had gotten up from the couch and was looking at me with an equally confused expression.

'Mrs Ford. She said she saw her leaving tuesday morning, with suitcases and bags. And she said she was crying and looked really upset and her mom was rushing her when she noticed that the neighbor was watching.' I told them with panic in my voice.

If this was true, if they had really sent her away, my life was over. I wouldn't be able to handle it, there was no way. Especially not knowing where she was, not able to contact her. Were they even allowed to do that? Maybe I didn't have the right to see Finn but I did have the right to see our child! Right?

'We have to go over there! Please, mom. We have to find out what happened and where she is!'

'I agree, Donna. It's time we talk to them. This isn't right. We have a say in this too. And they have made them suffer enough.' my dad said and grabbed his keys from the counter.

Suffer? That was putting it a bit too lightly. I had died a thousand deaths in these last seven days. I hadn't even been able to shed tears anymore so I had just cried with everything except tears. Which I didn't even know was possible until then.

My parents and I walked down the street to the Campbell's house, the three of us eager to get answers. I could tell my mother was angry, angrier than I had ever seen her and my dad looked determined although worried. And I? I didn't know what I was feeling. My legs felt like jello and I couldn't quite understand how I was even walking or breathing or still conscious.

Taking a deep breath, my dad rang the doorbell. Nothing. He rang again. Nothing. I looked at the cars in the driveway, anger mounting inside of me. They were home. They just didn't have the guts to open the door and face us. Fucking cowards. Fucking asshole cowards. My dad was about to ring the doorbell for a third time but I had enough. Shoving him out the way, I started banging on the door.

'I KNOW YOU'RE HOME, OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!' I yelled, my mother gasping at my profanity.

'Gerard, son-' my dad tried to grab my arm but I dismissed him, banging even harder.

'I'M NOT GONNA STOP UNTIL YOU OPEN UP AND I DON'T CARE IF THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD WATCHES I SWEAR TO GOD-'

The door was torn open and Mrs Campbell's stone-cold face greeted us. For a second I was completely gobsmacked and taken aback by the fact that she had actually opened.

'Who do you think you are?' she growled.

'Susan, we just wanted to see if Finn is alright. Please. Gerard was really worried.' my mother said, trying to assuage the animosity.

'Worried? Really? You have no right to be worried about MY daughter after what you did to her.'

'WHAT I DID TO HER?' I champed with rage. Did she really have the audacity to accuse me of hurting Finn?

'Hey hey hey, Gerard. Please, stay calm okay. Susan, this has gone on long enough. Can't you see that he cares about her? He just wants to know she's okay. He just wants to see her.'

'If he cared so much he wouldn't have knocked her up. You little scum. She's not here. She's gone. You're not going to see her ever again. Now get out of my sight.'

What? She really sent her away? No, no. This couldn't be true. I felt like throwing up.

'What about the baby? He's the father!' my mom said, still trying to plead.

'I have the right to see it! You have to tell me where she is!' I yelled.

'There's no baby. We took care of it.'

Took care of it? Took care of it? What did she-

As it dawned on me, it felt like a fuse was blowing up inside me.

'WHAT DID YOU DO YOU FUCKING BITCH!' I screamed, lunging forward. I could feel my dad grabbing me, pulling me back, holding me back. 'I WILL KILL YOU, YOU FUCKING BITCH! YOU HEAR ME, I WILL KILL YOU! YOU FUCKING CUNT HOW DARE YOU! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!' I struggled and fought, screaming, the tears clouding my vision. The last thing I saw before I passed out was Mrs Campbell slamming the door in my face.

Everything was dark after this.

Notes

You were so desperate for an update....so here it is.

Now I bet you wish you hadn't asked for it, right?

Thoughts?