'Do you want to have children one day?'

Was he seriously asking that? After everything we had talked about, he asked me that? I was seeing him to get better, not worse. For fuck's sake.

'No.' I replied reluctantly, chewing my gum aggressively to show him exactly how frustrated I was.

'What about your girlfriend? Does she want kids?' I shrugged, crossing my arms. 'Have you talked about it?'

'No.' I repeated and he sighed and scribbled something in his notebook. I knew he had given up on the topic for now but would undoubtedly try to bring it up again. And again.

'You did say you were ready to be a father back then though. What made you think that?'

'Because I loved her. We weren't ready to be parents but no one really is, no matter if they're 16 or 26 or 36. We would have been able to make it work. I know it! I would have never EVER, bailed on her. She was my everything. It would have been hard as fuck but my parents would have helped us, I'm sure we could have finished high school and then I would have gotten a job to take care of us. We had a plan. We talked about it on the day we told our parents.'

'And that was the last time you saw her?'

It felt like someone had stabbed me right in the heart and was now twisting the knife, slowly.

'Yes. The very last time.' I felt like choking.

---------

As I stepped into the living room to face my parents, I was about to throw up. Why had I dismissed Gerard's offer to do this together? Why? Just being able to hold his hand right now would make this a lot easier. Maybe I should wait? There was still time to change my mind.

'How was work today, Finn?' my mom asked me as she saw me standing there.

'Good. It was good.' I mumbled, swallowing hard to keep myself from being sick.

'Is everything alright?' she got up and looked concerned all of a sudden. Was it really that obvious?

Now. Tell her. She's obviously worried because you look ill, if you tell her now, she's gonna go easy on you, do it Finn! The voice in my head was demanding and loud but I ignored it, too scared to follow its command. I couldn't do this without Gerard. Especially not now, after crying and worrying for hours. I was exhausted and shaken, all I wanted to do was go to my room, lock the door and wait for Gerard to join me. I wasn't in the state to do this now.

'Yes. Just got a headache. I'm gonna go to bed.' I lied and my mom nodded while my dad turned around in his lounge chair to look me over.

'Alright, sweetie. Take some Advil with plenty of water and try to sleep. Let's hope you feel better tomorrow.' she touched my arm and gave me a sympathetic smile.

I went upstairs feeling like I had missed a good opportunity. At the same time I was relieved because now I had one more night of sweet, ignorant bliss before I had to face reality again.

One last night with Gerard.

I was already half asleep when he climbed in through the window.

'Finn?' he whispered and I sat up, rubbing my eyes.

He took off his shoes and socks, followed by his skinny jeans and then slipped into bed with me.

'I haven't told them yet. I couldn't. I need you. Maybe your plan is really better. Have you talked to your mom?' I asked as he pulled me close.

'No. But she's suspicious. I only just escaped questioning. I don't even know how to tell her. But yeah, let's do it together. First my mom. Then we go from there.'

I nodded, resting my head on his chest. For the what felt like hundredth time today, tears were stinging at the back of my eyes but I held them back, clenching the fabric of Gerard's shirt in my fist and holding my breath. As usual, he sensed my distress and strengthened his embrace. It was comforting but at the same time it sent me on an emotional rollercoaster ride again. Here I was, with this amazing boy, this beautiful, amazing boy who would do anything for me, who could make me laugh and cry and scream and who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, who I had made all these plans with and now everything we thought we knew had turned out to be completely foreign. We had to abandon our ideas, had to let go of all our dreams, and start all over again, with nothing but the fact that a teeny tiny human was now growing inside of me.

If only we were ten years older. If only we were married already. Independent. Free. If only we had already finished college, had a steady income, a place to live. We'd be thrilled, ecstatic about bringing a child into this world together. I could focus on how wondrous it was that we had created this life together, on how to prepare us for parenthood, on how much a baby would enrich our lives and on how we would be no longer just be a couple but a family. This was what I was supposed to focus on. This was how it was supposed to be like. Instead, I was scared, thinking about how we could tell our parents, whether or not we would be able to finish school and go to college, what people would say about us, people at our school, our friends, neighbors, the cashier at the store who had known me since I was a little girl. And most importantly, I was scared, not knowing if I could be a good mother.

'We should try to sleep.' Gerard breathed, kissing my temple.

I closed my eyes, naively hoping that I would wake up in the morning just to find out that it had all been a dream.

*

It was 5.30am when I woke up next to Finn, who was still fast asleep, her cheek pressed against my upper arm, both of her hands holding on to it. She looked like a little monkey, clinging to a tree branch and I smiled, enjoying our closeness and denying the day to grab me by the throat just yet. If anyone but us just disappeared off the face of the earth, if we could be sucked into a black hole and spat out again in a different reality, if only two years had passed while we'd been asleep or if this fucking condom would have done what it was supposed to do, we could go about enjoying this innocent summer morning like we always did. But should I let all of this stop me? I loved her no less today, actually, I loved her even more today, so why not wake her with my kisses as usual?

I freed myself from her grasp carefully and slipped under the covers, starting at her cute litte feet and kissed my way up her legs and by the time I got to her thighs, she happily sighed in her half-sleep. Oh Finn, I want to make you happy, always. It's what I live for.

'You.' I whispered.

I live for you.

Letting my hands wander underneath her shirt, my lips followed the tips of my fingers, softly grazing her warm skin. I could feel her stir as I circled her belly button, lingering there for a while, wondering if the tiny jelly bean inside her belly knew how much I already loved it, even though it scared the shit out of me.

'What are you doing?' Finn muttered and I could feel her hands in my hair.

My kisses continued upwards until my head was stuck in her shirt and she giggled, pulling it off. I looked at her, enchanted by her carefree smile, eager to make it last for as long as I possibly could. I wanted us to stay in our bubble and I wanted her to enjoy every second of it. As my tongue trailed over her breasts, her legs wrapped around me and I felt delighted that she chose not to escape my affections, despite the harsh reality she knew we had to return to eventually. Let's keep it waiting, I thought, traveling upwards again, placing a kiss in the little dip at the base of her neck. She sighed my name, her hands now pulling on my hair and I followed her silent demand, finally capturing her lips with mine.

We made love and it was entirely for the sake of giving each other comfort before we faced the day. Slow, blissful happiness that was threatened by reality but protected by devotion.

'If worst comes to worst, we'll just run away. I can take care of us. I'll do whatever it takes to take care of us.' I said as we slowly left our bubble.

'I know you would.' Finn said, brushing my hair out of my face, her eyes shining lovingly. 'But let's hope we don't have to run away.'

I nodded, kissing her once more. 'Give me an hour okay?'

'Okay.' she said and I got up.

Luckily no one saw me as I landed on the front lawn and a few minutes later, I sneaked upstairs to my room. I took a quick shower and put on some fresh clothes, choosing my best black skinny jeans and a button down in order to look more in control and put together than usual. Not only did we have to talk to my parents, we'd also have to tell Finn's mom and dad, making me paranoid about my appearance. Really though? What did it matter? They thought I was a fluke and they didn't take me seriously. I guess they liked me but they didn't like the fact that Finn and I were together. Well, you better get used to it, I thought, because I'm not going anywhere and oh by the way, you're going to be grandparents. Awesome.

My heart started beating faster when I heard my parents downstairs, making breakfast. I had to do this while Mikey was still asleep, I couldn't deal with him listening in on this. It was almost 8 and Finn would arrive any minute now, so I left the safety of my room and headed for the kitchen.

'Good morning, son. You're up early. Got plans?' my father greeted me, setting down his cup of coffee.

'Actually...umm...I...' shit Gerard, pull yourself together, man. 'Finn's coming over because we need to talk to you about something.'

My mother turned around to face me, the way she was looking at me made me feel sick immediately. She knew. I could tell she knew but she was in denial, just like Finn and I had been before taking the test. She was hoping that she'd turn out to be wrong but when our eyes met, it felt like I was pulling that last hope right from under her feet.

'Well alright.' my dad frowned and I could tell he felt uneasy as he picked up his cup again.

A knock on the door announced Finn's arrival and I went to open. The happiness from earlier had vanished from her face and all I could see was fear. I took her hand, leading her into the kitchen where both my mom and dad were trying to prepare for the worst.

*

They stared at us in disbelief for what seemed like an eternity. I had started crying again and Gerard put his arm around me, shaking, his hands cold and sweaty. Fuck. Say something. Anything. But just put us out of our misery.

'We...don't know how it happened. We used...we were...' I stammered between sobs.

'Mom, you know. I swear, we weren't being careless. Something must have gone wrong...' Gerard said, his voice merely a whisper.

'You KNEW?' Mr Way shot his wife an angry look and she put her head in her hands.

'Don, they're 16! Of course I knew they weren't just jumping ropes and building tree houses. They're in love for God's sake!' Mrs Way was equally angry and getting loud.

'IN LOVE? Is that an excuse for being stupid? I taught you better, Gerard! I taught you to be responsible!'

'We weren't being stupid, dad.' Gerard looked down at his feet nervously. 'It was an accident. And I'm taking responsibility for it.'

'It's not your fault.' I whispered, trying to make him look at me but he wouldn't.

'I can't believe this. I can't...' Don got up, shaking off Donna's hand as she tried to stop him. 'You sort this out. Since you let it happen!' he muttered and left.

I actually felt slightly relieved, having to deal with Mrs Way only. She loved me like a daughter and she understood, even though she didn't necessarily approve. There wasn't anything we could say anyway, we were in the shit. Deep shit.

'I'll deal with your dad later. Sit down.' Gerard's mom said sternly, giving us no other choice than to do as we were told.

'Ma, you have to believe me. We-'

'What's done is done, Gerard. It doesn't matter how it happened, it happened.' she looked at us, anger giving way to concern and I reached for Gerard's hand under the table. 'Have you told your parents yet, Finn?'

'No.' I answered, sniffing. 'I was...we were hoping that....'

'We need your help, mom.' Gerard said.

'Are you aware of the position you're putting me in?' she replied.

I was well aware of it. And as shitty as I felt because of it, she was our only hope. We needed her support and without it, I wouldn't be able to face my parents. Please, I thought desperately, please help us. Or we might as well pack our bags now.

'Mrs Way...please, I'm so scared. My parents aren't like you and Mr Way. I don't know what's gonna happen when we tell them, please.' my voice was croaky and I could tell Gerard wanted to speak for me, but I didn't want him to. He shouldn't take the rap for it all.

She sighed, getting up from the table. I wiped away my tears and Gerard squeezed my hand, looking at me while I was looking at his mother, pleading.

'Have you decided what you want to do? About the pregnancy?' she asked, directing the question at both of us rather than just me.

'We want to keep it.' Gerard said and she nodded, not surprised to hear about our choice.

'Well, then I guess we have to talk to your parents.' Mrs Way said to me.

*

Mrs Campbell's eyes were icy as she looked at me, not even acknowledging anyone else in the room, not even Finn. If looks could kill, I would have dropped dead right now. The really concerning fact was that she didn't even look angry or upset or disappointed. She looked absolutely emotionless, and it scared the living shit out of me. Now I really felt like I had committed an unspeakable crime, an unforgivable sin against humanity. Not only had I laid hands on her precious daughter and taken her innocence, no, I had gotten her pregnant and now I would be in their lives forever, even though I wasn't worthy. Yes, I had pretty much ruined Finn's life in their eyes and I would have felt their wrath if it hadn't been covered up by the indifference they obviously had toward me.

'Susan, Richard - let's just sit down and talk, okay?' my mom suggested, sensing the increasing hostility in the room.

Shut up, mom. Can't you tell they're not in the mood to 'sit down and talk'? They wanna rip off my head. Not everyone is like you!

'I think you should go now.' Mrs Campbell said, her voice calm but determined.

'Okay. If you want to talk to the kids alone, that's fine.' my mother replied.

'No. I want you both to go. Take him with you.' what? No! I wouldn't leave Finn's side. No way.

Also, 'him'? I was standing right there and I had a name. Wow, she really did hate me right now, it was showing.

'Susan...' Finn's dad tried to interfere but she dismissed him with a stern look.

'Gerard, come.'

'No.' I muttered and everyone looked at me in surprise and shock. Yes, I had dared.

'It's okay.' Finn whispered, squeezing my hand again. 'Really.'

She looked frightened but I could tell she wanted me to go, hoping she could calm the waves once she was alone with her parents. Although my instinct told me to stay and protect her, it was probably the only chance we had to fix this.

'I'll call you, okay?' I asked and she nodded. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, ignoring her mother's scowl.

As my mom pulled me out the door, I turned around one more time to give Finn an encouraging smile. Everything will work out. Don't worry. I love you. No one and nothing could ever come between us.

We walked back to our house in silence even though there were a million things running through my head. So many things I wanted to say. For the first time in years, I also wanted my mother to just hold me. The last 24 hours had been a never ending emotional turmoil and now I was stuck feeling powerless, vulnerable, exposed, like a child lost in the darkness, too scared to move. If only I could ask for her consolation. But I didn't have the right to, I had put myself in his position. I had been man enough to get my girlfriend pregnant, now I had to be man enough to deal with it.

I went straight upstairs, ignoring Mikey who asked what was going on with a worried look on his face. My mom didn't answer him either and instead sent him back to his room before she disappeared into her own bedroom to talk to my dad.

I locked my door and angrily took off my good clothes, throwing them in a corner before throwing myself on my bed, screaming into the pillow. Fuck. Fucking shit fuck! I shouldn't have left her. Now she was all alone with her parents, shaking, crying, being yelled at, being called all sorts of things because of MY mistake. No, I should have stayed with her, I should have refused to go! Oh Finn, I'm so sorry. Please be okay, please. Please.

It was afternoon when I woke up from the deep sleep I had cried myself into. My head felt heavy but I got up, eager to call Finn and hear how it went. I ran downstairs and straight to the phone, picking it up and dialing Finn's number. It rang and rang and rang.

'She's not going to pick up.' my mother said, entering the kitchen and I frowned, confused.

'Of course she is, I told her I would call.' I replied, still not putting down the phone.

'Gerard...' what was that look on her face? She walked over to the phone, taking it out of my hand and ending the call.

Notes

I apologize for any emotional distress this may have caused.