I stared out the window, watching the falling snow. It was the first proper winter in Portland since I'd moved here. I remembered the painting of Finn, snowflakes in her hair and all around her, remembered the scene that inspired it, remembered looking up at it while sitting on her bed.

Ten years is a long time. You'd think it's long enough to forget someone. To move on. And there were times when I thought I had, when it almost felt like Finn had never existed in the first place. Like she had been my imaginary girlfriend, a dream, a fantasy that I had somehow confused with reality and which now was a false memory in my mind. I had almost convinced myself, had locked away the box containing the pictures of us, the promise ring she had given me, the love letters she had written to me in school, the souvenirs from our countless adventures. I denied her existence and it made me angry, angry at myself for being so weak just when I thought I had finally done it. And then I found out I was wrong because the sadness came back with a vengeance, waking me in the middle of the night, choking me with my own tears.

'Gerard?' Dr Goldstein interrupted my scattered thoughts and I was actually grateful for it. 'Why are you here?'

What kind of question was that? Why was I here? I didn't know that in this day and age you needed to justify your reason for seeing a therapist. I got angry because I knew he was aware that I didn't know the answer and that this was the only reason why he had asked me.

'Because...I can't sleep. Because I have nightmares. Horrible nightmares. Because my relationship is suffering.' he nodded approvingly but I could tell he had already prepared another question or argument in his head.

'And why is all of this happening?'

'Ugh, you tell me, you're the therapist. If I knew the answer, would I be sitting here?' I rolled my eyes like an immature teenager.

He sighed in frustration and I knew what was coming next.

'What are your nightmares about?'

I stared at him for a while. I wanted to tell him. I wanted it because I knew it would actually help me. But I couldn't. So instead of dealing with it, I got up and left.

----------

I was too scared to look him in the eyes. Too scared of what I would see in them. Shock? Anger? Fear? The urge to run away? There was no way in hell he would want that child. And there was no way in hell he would stay with me if I really was pregnant. He would leave me. Oh God, he would leave me. I started sobbing again, uncontrollably, but this time, he didn't hug me. Please don't go. Please don't. I can't do this without you, I pleaded silently, over and over in my head.

I couldn't tell how long he was just sitting there, quiet, too quiet.

'But...but...we-' his voice was shaking and I could hear the panic in it. What had I done? 'We always use protection. How is that possible?'

'I don't know...all I know is that I'm two weeks late. With my period.' I whispered, still not able to look at him.

Again he was quiet for a while, so quiet that I could hear the blood pulsing in my veins, so quiet that I could hear my teardrops falling down and hitting the floor, so quiet that it gave the voice in my head a chance to become louder and louder, repeating the same words.

He's gonna leave you. It's over.

And then, to my surprise, I could feel his arms around me. At first, I wasn't quite sure if it was really happening but my whole body started to shake once more as I felt his touch and then I lunged myself at him, desperate for his comfort. His embrace tightened immediately, shutting up the voice but intensifying the crying.

'Hey...it's okay.' he hushed. 'It's okay. It's going to be okay, Finn.'

As long as you don't leave me, as long as you don't go.

'It's not.' I cried.

'Please, don't cry, honey. Please.'

'I'm just so scared.' I replied, holding on to him like a drowning person.

'I know. But...we don't even know for sure yet. We-'

'Please don't leave me.' I interrupted him and I felt him hold his breath. Oh God.

He let go of me, softly grabbing my arms and pushing me off of him in order to look at me. I looked down, still not able to meet his gaze.

'Look at me, Finn.' Gerard said and I obliged, hoping to find in his eyes what I had heard in his voice.

Love.

'I'm not gonna leave you. Never. Okay? Why would I? I love you. No matter what happens, I love you.'

Oh thank you Jesus. And Mary and Joseph too.

'What if I'm really pregnant? What then? What do we do?' I asked him, not really expecting him to have an answer.

'First we find out if you are. And then we'll go from there. But please stop crying, I can't bear it.' he wiped my cheeks with his thumbs and placed a gentle kiss on my forehead before hugging me again.

Although I was still scared shitless, I was able to calm down a little bit, knowing that Gerard wouldn't leave. Deep inside my heart, I knew he loved me, I trusted him and I knew I could count on him, come what may. But my own fear and panic had been so strong, making reality seem like a bad joke all of a sudden, where nothing was certain any longer. Having the assurance, hearing him say it, had brought me back.

'I love you.' I muttered, burying my face in his neck.

*

'It's probably not the best timing. But I got you this today.' Finn said as we sat side by side again in my car, ready to head to CVS to get a pregnancy test.

She pulled out a little box, handing it to me with slight hesitation. I looked at her with a soft smile to reassure her, to let her know everything would be alright. Then I opened to box, finding two silver rings.

'They're promise rings. If you want to wait until we know before you put yours on, I understand.'

Was she serious? Why did she doubt my feelings? Just because she might be pregnant? Oh Finn, no no no.

'I don't want to wait.' I took out both rings, grabbing her hand. 'I'm here to stay. Promise.' I said, after reading the engraving.

I placed the ring on her left ring finger and then gave her mine to do the same. I could tell she was close to tears again and so was I. But this time, it wasn't just fear or uncertainty, there was something else. Something wonderful. Something I couldn't describe.

'Promise.' she said and put the ring on my finger. It looked perfect. I would marry this girl.

We kissed to seal the promise and I felt the warmth of happiness starting in my belly, then spreading throughout my whole body. Nothing would ever change how I felt about her. Nothing.

Fifteen minutes later, we left the store with a small plastic bag containing the test that would decide our fate. My heart was pounding and I didn't want to let go of Finn's hand as we walked back to the car. What would happen? Would our lives change forever? What if she was really pregnant? Would she want to have the baby? There were too many questions already and we didn't even have the answer to the most important one yet.

I could hardly concentrate on the road but somehow we made it back home. Finn was quiet and I had no idea what to say. Luckily, my parents weren't back yet so we headed straight upstairs.

'So how exactly does it work?' I asked as I watched her unpack the test with trembling hands.

'I have to pee on it. And then we have to wait. Three minutes. One line for negative, two lines for positive.' she answered in a low voice. Holy shit.

'Okay...' was all I could say.

Three minutes. I didn't know whether that was too long or not long enough. I didn't know anything anymore. My mind was blank.

'I'm gonna do it.' she said, looking at me questioningly and I nodded.

She disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

Maybe her period was late for some other reason? I didn't know in detail how it could happen but I knew it was possible. We had always used condoms, always. She couldn't be pregnant! Oh God but what if she was? What if, what if, what if.

A few moments later, the door opened again and she let me in, pointing at the test that was sitting on the counter.

'Two minutes, 14 seconds.' she said, looking at her watch.

'Finn?' I took her hands in mine. 'No matter what this test says, I'm not gonna go anywhere. Not now, not ever. We'll figure something out. We can run away together. My grandparents will lend me some money and we can run away.'

'Two minutes.' she said, her hands squeezing mine.

'But I'm sure our parents will help us. Mine will for sure. But if not, we'll run away.'

'Where to?' she wanted to know.

'I don't know yet. But we'll be fine. As long as we're together, we'll be fine.'

Finn took in my words, nodding. Time seemed to stand still and I tried to focus on one thing and one thing only. I loved her and I meant every word I had just said. We would find a way.

'Time's up.' she announced and from her pale face I could tell her panic was back, my own making my stomach turn.

*

Two lines.

Two freaking lines.

I was pregnant.

Gasping for air, I sank down to the floor. My world was spinning out of control and there was nothing to hold on to. Not even Gerard. The last shred of hope that had kept me from losing it had disappeared. I was 16 and pregnant. I was fucking 16 and fucking pregnant! Holy shit, I felt like passing out.

I felt him next to me, pulling me into his arms and vaguely I felt his nervous heartbeat against my own. I couldn't even cry, the shock was too severe. What now? What do I do? We couldn't have this baby. We were 16 for God's sake! We were still in High School, we had all these plans. And what about our parents? Oh God, why was this happening, why? We had been careful, we had been responsible. How could I even begin to explain it to my mom and dad without them thinking I had been stupid and thoughtless. But we didn't do anything wrong!

'I'm sorry.' he whispered and I could tell he was hardly able to speak.

What was he apologizing for? Getting me pregnant? This wasn't his fault. I wanted to tell him that, I wanted to tell him that he shouldn't feel responsible for this, but I was still too dumbfounded to speak. Instead, I hugged him tighter, hoping it would tell him what I wasn't able to say out loud.

'Gerard?' his mom's voice came from downstairs, making us jump. Oh no. Fuck!

'Stay here, I'll be right back okay?' he kissed my cheek, letting go of me. No, please don't leave me!

But he was gone in an instant and I was alone on the bathroom floor, shaking like a leaf. From downstairs, I could hear Gerard talking to his mom in a hushed voice and I prayed to God that he would be able to keep her away long enough for me to recover. If I ever would recover. Unless this was all a bad dream and I would wake up from it, I was unsure whether or not that was even possible. There was no way in hell I could be a mom. There was no way in hell my parents would support us. There was no way in hell this would have a happy ending. As I realized this, the tears started flowing.

'Finn?' he was back but I could hardly see him through my tears. 'Come here.'

He pulled me up and led me out of the bathroom and into his room, where he sat me down on the bed.

'My mom called your mom to tell her you're staying for dinner. That gives us a little more time. I haven't told her, I just told her you were upset and didn't want to go home yet.' he talked softly, trying to calm me down but he couldn't fool me, he sounded terrified.

'Okay...' I replied, reaching for him again.

'We'll figure something out. We will.'

'I can get rid of it, if that's what you want.' I couldn't believe I was saying this but right now it seemed like the easiest option and after all, I didn't want to lose him.

'What? NO! It's definitely not what I want. Don't even think about it.' he said and I felt relieved.

'Good. Because I don't think I would be able to do it.'

'Why do you think it's what I'd want?' Gerard asked and I could tell this was upsetting him even more. Oh no.

'I just...I don't know. I wasn't thinking. I can't think right now. I'm sorry.'

'It's okay.' he kissed my hair and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

And suddenly, I realized something. In the midst of all this chaos and uncertainty, I loved him more than ever before, feeling closer to him than ever before.

*

Finn had stopped crying and was lying next to me on my bed, clutching my hand. In my head, my thoughts were still doing cartwheels and my stomach felt uneasy, but we both knew we had to talk about this. We needed a plan and we needed it fast.

'So, you really want to keep it?' she asked me.

'Yes. But I think you should decide. It's your body.' I replied. As hard as it was, I would go with whatever she wanted to do.

'It's our baby.' Our baby. Wow. 'I could never...I want to keep it too.'

I felt relieved although I should have felt scared. This was it. We had just made the decision to become parents. Just a few hours ago we were completely normal teenagers, with completely normal problems, worrying about completely normal things, having the best summer of our lives, happy, wild, carefree, in love. Now everything was turned upside down. Our childhood was over. For good. No turning back. My girlfriend was pregnant. I was gonna be a father.

'I think we should tell my parents first. Then they can help us talk to your parents. They'll support us, I know. They'll be angry as fuck but they'll support us.' maybe I should also talk to my grandparents, have them for moral support as well.

'That's not a very good idea. I think I should tell them myself. If they see that we've already assembled a team they'll get angry. No, I have to do this alone.'

'I won't let you.' I was concerned, the thought of Finn facing her parents by herself was making me anxious.

'Gerard...I have to. Believe me, it's the only way.You tell your parents, I tell mine. Then we all sit down and tell them what we've decided.'

'And what exactly have we decided? That we want to keep the baby. What else? What about school?'

'I can probably go 'til half term. If our parents help us out, I can finish High School, even if I miss a few weeks. You can still go to SVA but we might have to put the apartment on hold.'

'What about you? Why can I go to SVA and you can't?'

'Because we'll have a child, Gerard.'

'Okay but why is it automatically you who has to stay at home and me who can go off to college?'

'Because-' she sat up and looked down on me. 'You have a gift. You've wanted this all your life and you can really do this. I'm not gonna let you throw that away for me. And I'm not even gonna let you try. You're going to SVA, you're going to get your degree, you're going to write comics and be super famous so you can take care of us. I can always go back to college later. That's how it's gonna be. End of discussion.'

I couldn't help but smile, even though I knew she was serious, even though this was a serious situation. But despite everything, the confusion, the fear, the worries, I knew I loved her, I knew I already loved our baby and I knew I would do whatever it took to be the best boyfriend, the best dad possible. As long as we stayed together, everything would work out. I knew it. Destiny had dealt us a bad hand, so what? We would beat the odds.

But destiny was a fickle bitch.

Notes

I stole that last line from Lost lol Not consciously, I wrote it and I thought 'Hmm that sounds familiar.' so I googled it and found out.

Anyway...what do you think!??! Pretty much everything is changing now...a lot is going to happen! Brace yourselves...